Support Editing Costs for Otter Boy

Why I Need Your Money (And Why You Should Totally Give It To Me)

Friends, family, and random internet strangers with questionable spending habits,

I come before you today with a humble request: please help me transform my literary disaster—I mean, masterpiece—"Otter Boy" from a beautiful mess into something an actual human being might want to read without requiring medical attention.

The Brutal Truth About My "Genius"

After months of bleeding onto the keyboard (metaphorically—mostly), I have birthed an 80,000-word novel (but made a more reasonable 32,000 after leaving out the Postal Workers Convention scene) about a boy who may or may not turn into an otter. It's either the next great American novel or an elaborate fever dream, and honestly, even I'm not sure which.

The problem? Turns out that raw, unfiltered creativity looks a lot like a word salad that was tossed by someone having a seizure. Who knew?

Why Professional Editing Costs More Than My Car

Apparently, making words make sense in the correct order costs approximately $1,000-2,000. That's right—fixing my beautiful disaster costs more than most people's monthly rent. Because nothing says "follow your dreams" like emptying your bank account to make your sentences slightly less embarrassing.

Professional editors don't just fix typos (though Lord knows I need that). They also:

Make my characters sound like actual humans instead of philosophical otters

Ensure my plot makes sense to people who aren't living inside my brain

Prevent literary agents from using my manuscript as emergency kindling

The Dream (And Why You Should Fund It)

With proper editing, "Otter Boy" could actually land a literary agent, which could lead to a real publishing deal, which could lead to me finally being able to afford both hookers AND ramen in the same month (Kidding! I don't eat ramen).

Your donation won't just be funding my questionable life choices—you'll be investing in the future of otter-based literature. And honestly, isn't that what this world really needs right now?

What You Get Out of This

$10: My eternal gratitude and a personalized thank-you note written in Comic Sans (because I have no shame left)

$25: A signed copy of the book if it ever gets published (or a very expensive bookmark if it doesn't)

$50: All of the above, plus I'll name a minor character after you (warning: they might get eaten by an otter)

$100+: You're clearly too generous for your own good, but I'll take it. You get a signed copy of the book, and when you are in Charlottesville, I will cook you dinner or take you out to a glorious one.

The Bottom Line

Help me turn "Otter Boy" from a beautiful disaster into a slightly less beautiful, significantly more readable disaster. Because somewhere between my delusions of grandeur and your disposable income lies the future of American literature.

Or at least a book that won't make editors weep.

Donate today, because your money could be the difference between literary success and me having to explain to my therapist why I thought a novel about otter transformation was a good career move.

P.S. - Yes, this is a real book. No, I don't know why I wrote it either. Yes, I'm questioning all my life choices. Please send money and/or emotional support.