Never did I think I would be writing or planning what I am right now and so young. Can never prepare it. From battling and processing my own health problems, I really prayed 2021 would hopefully look up for me. Sadly it has already turned out to be the most painful and heartbreaking year of my life. In February my wonderful and beautiful mum was diagnosed with a rare cancer of which only 73 in England have had since 1943. We prayed it would be contained within one area, but sadly it then further spread to her pelvis, hips and uterus. Just when we believed it would stop and stayed hopeful she would recover through intensive combined chemo and radiotherapy, in a rapid time we were broken by news that it has now spread to her lymph nodes, nerves, legs, stomach to the point she is in unbearable pain. What any loving family fears, we heard the dreaded news it is now not the case of recovering for my mum, but now facing only a prolonging of her life. It’s spread to too many areas to recover from. We don’t know how long left, we are valuing our time so sacredly. Not only am I facing the loss of a parent but now taking on huge responsibility i never thought I would. Those who know me know I would be the last to reach out for help or ask for financial support, and I’ve really attempted to plan otherwise, as I’m very reluctant, but equally as hopeless. She is the most angelic, incredible, kindest lady, has spent her entire life giving to others and deserves the most peace whilst she is here, living the moments in the best way at ease. It’s taken me courage beyond belief as I feel somewhat shame, but I see no other way past this desperation in such uncertainty and fear. Due to sickness my mum has been left out of work and our income has dramatically decreased. This plea is to mainly support my mum for her final moments of life, allow her to emotionally process the inevitable with her children and family, without the burdens of life worries and troubles what will inevitably happen. When I even suggested this she was dismayed and refused, yet she’s fearing what will happen for us when she leaves. As someone who’s dedicated her life to giving others I couldn’t think of a more deserving person to receive help. Much to my disbelief and shock, I now have to plan my future with my younger sister. After loss of working hours and my mum not working, my mum is also worrying about our welfare once she passes and also wants to help towards  movement of a new place. I know it’s a tough time for everyone so to ask this I feel extremely embarrassed about not that I should. No money, tears or prayers will ever bring back the pains of our eventual loss, the pain is wordless, but we have nothing but hope and time left. She has lived and overcome through immense stress in her life, been strong in times of doubt, and it’s my turn to reassure her to security. I cannot begin to imagine her pain, neither am I really understanding mine. To see a parent only get worse is a feeling like no other, however my goal and priority is to help see my mum through the end of her life in most relaxed way possible, to bring her most peace, fulfil her best wishes or to dos, reduce stress and worries to help us live life a little less difficult in this unexpectedly heartbreaking time and to build up for when she does leave.