Hi my name is Debbie I'm have to redo my thing anyway right now my life story I'm looking back now realize that my childhood was not set the woman I am today the term is still healing I grew up when the world would love was not always easy to find a safety wasn't something I can count on there was days I feel invisible like no one hurt my cries I noticed my pain even in my darkest time this small part of me believe that was meant for more this is how I survived through and learn to keep moving forward there was a time ever since I was 9 years old I started that's what the problem started coming I thought that someone was not right I did not know how to control my thoughts or my anger I used to yell at my mom me and my mom had never got along and how much I was hurting her when I was young confused and angry with the world I started trust in everyone I kept feeling bottled up and then when they came out it was always yelling fight or silence back in the day I did not want to face anybody I felt alone there was time to stand up all night thinking about what I did I was I was not caring anymore about my wife and I thought that nobody Loved me maybe I didn't deserve to be loved the pain wasn't heavy and I didn't know how to let it go I was thinking maybe this was my life and had me for had for me pain survival on Sunday wanted to be free there was time I thought about giving up thoughts about suicide and even try taking pills to the hospital was taken by an ambulance I felt no one knows I've gone they had to put my stomach pain was so heavy and I did not know. Anymore some days I just wanted to give I wanted it all to stop I was depressed and I did not want to eat I just wanted to sleep and not be hurt by the memories and feelings of being lost and alone sometimes inside me again in my life together my life not easy to change but I did I had a fight daily to pull myself out of the dark place I thought back were back more than once but I never gave up completely deep down I wanted to live I wanted to be better I wanted to prove myself and and that I was more than just my past I cannot understand why I was so angry all the time I felt like I was drowning in my own emotions I could not control what I said or did and after every hours I felt worse the deal would eat me up inside but I didn't know how to stop I just wanted someone to notice that I wasn't okay I wasn't someone to figure out what was wrong with me but not but no one asked everyone just saw me as bad or out of control I started to believe they were right that sometimes when seriously wrong with me I got stuck I didn't want to be that way but I did I know how to change it he decided to go back go back and I want to do something with my life so I had to do something different so I walked into the education that's cool became my turning point in my life school work. And patient and never gave up on me it took me five minutes I started I started believing I can finish something maybe I was meant to succeed but there were times I died myself I felt like giving up but when I gave him to start to quit the staff and the teacher would believe in me my grandkids and died on my son I wasn't just doing that for me I was doing for this for all of us a new deep down that I could push through some someone else who found broken like I was I wanted to be an example not if it perfection a positive journey without just about my healing it was no matter how dark it gets there still a Way Forward there are days that I thought why I was walking through a storm or with no umbrella the pain the anger the memories just didn't disappear overnight they started making changes I stop being around with the wrong crowd I stayed away from places that brought me down I began thinking about my future and sudden my past it was not that easy but I still had setbacks I started to believe that I deserve better we might even be myself everyday without alone some people cared it tried to put something to take care of it and if I tried to push them away every step I took with a step closer to the woman has meant to become but becoming her to not happen overnight how to fight for myself I had to break out old habits and walk away from the past and walk away from the and step back into the future every choice I would tear every lesson brings me closer to her the strong people unstoppable woman I'm still becoming I started speaking up for myself many people did not understand my past the new one that becoming would rather stand alone in my truth is stay surrounded by people who didn't want me to grow I can't lose your boy even when I was tired even if I did not if I did not see the results right away I am showing up coming early and getting my assignments done that's what real change looks like big moment but small steps taking every day with faith every choice I made to keep going to keep me believing where I was a win on its own there came a point when I had to face myself for real no more running no more hide and behind angry or pain I really I realized I had a choice I could either stay stuck in the pain or my pants let me control me I stopped into an unknown unknown and create a new path for myself I was not always easy it's not always easy to change but I told myself with me if I want the better I had to believe I deserve better with letting go of the fair of the girl and the anger and they're holding me back for so long I realize I know it was time to let go of the pain and if there can't be stuck I I couldn't keep blaming my past everything I had to face and learn from it and finally move forward but it was not easy I started seeing the whole way to you is to stop running for my truth I had to stand in my truth no matter how painful it was and now my story instead letting it on me that that was the moment when I knew I had a choice to stay stuck in in the hurt are we right in my future I chose to take back my power one small step at a time with therapy and when the roads are heavy but every step I prove myself I was driving them matures of my past I thought I had to carry my pain forever like it backpack that never came off I used to be stuck in survival mode pushing through each day pretending it I had to add it all together but went inside I was breaking but deep down and I knew something had to change when I found the church steps in my journey to adopt me that he was okay to feel to cry to admit that I was hurting which is not a sign of weakness by saying that I wanted more for myself I recession became a sloppies in my healing I finally understood where my anger came from through the therapy I found my strength I realized that I didn't have to carry the heavy load alone again healing forward me into the classroom in Northwest Career College he came a place where I can take what I learned therapy and apply to my life they didn't just teach me medical school they also graduated in 2011 and then people Northwest wanted me to learn the computer an email and words acts all that stuff and booty s*** so I did the computer for three months now I'm preparing for the medical assistant program and doing computer class I started the program at 63-2000 like getting good grades since then I have tutors and they helped me with the whole a whole lot and she seems more like a family it reminded me I was capable that I had it what it took to succeed even when I doubted myself I have one that I am a woman ready to get my new beginning I didn't always know I would make it this far I am about to start the movie system from the chapter of my life started mom to go or I would make it as a medical assistant I am thankful for the way they put me in commuter bus because if they didn't I told her I would probably sell magazines I've already came this time this is just the beginning of my something bigger I didn't always know where I was headed without the wrong path like life kept testing me into pain except for more I started small and I every step even then I know I'm not done yet they have no idea who I am I didn't want a shortcut I just want a real chance to prove myself they had no idea they they had no idea who who I am I didn't want to shortcut I just wanted a chance to prove myself they had no that I can become the woman I am today but they're about to find out find out remember it would rises no matter who watch you came in and with a purpose and I won't be moved I don't I just didn't walk in loud I walked ready to prove something not just not just the number to myself I wasn't looking for approved I was looking for my seat at the table and if there wasn't wasn't one I built my own this wasn't just a new chapter of my life where everything changes the power within me but this version I'm stepping up for ignoring and power they might have overlooked me before but that ends now I've been very strength inside there was times in my life besides made me feel small like my voice didn't matter I am wearing that science can be a powerful force and giving me space to think you feel as you grow today and they're bad I'll have to say much just because they're letting me stop settled letting me know how far I can come sometimes just showing up and being still is enough silence is enough it's finally it's silence where I hear myself they saw the girl who I used to be not the woman I was fighting to become class is a struggle every day or every day every day I struggle and struggles so make nights as of all night trying to do my homework lessons behind the classroom they told me it's more than books than that they tell us how to stand back up house feet with purpose and how to believe ourselves with no one else did they what what school became to me not just a place but it turned into place from broken pieces starting to say together again we're on where my store wasn't over I just waited for me to pick up the bed the hallways talks during the long nights every Star they left by turning into brands of Richie for something better he's perfect and finally healing I didn't know anything but then now the door slammed in my face was clearly a path you owe me I could I grew From cracks they left behind Rosie from the dirt no doubt became my drive whisper you can't become the fuel says that watch me threes even the nice cried alone and become lessons in survival strength stage my soul they tried to bury me not knowing was a seed made it to break through my red surrendered because I had to dig through the pain find peace I can find peace each moment of weakness each moment but he just broken piece taught me something messing and straight and patience and in faith I learn how to gather myself how to stitch together the parts of the left behind and how to stand taller even if I meant stand me alone the same ones that doubted me it went a fire inside that I didn't even know I had I had now just so I just don't survive I rise I think I right things that meant to tear me down if you are reading this and you never ever been made to feel like you wearing nothing that you are I was told I was a lot of people that I wasn't going to make it but where here I am now only make it I'm ready for the challenges the change and the chance to show the world where I'm truly capable of I didn't want permission this time I just took each step knowing it was minute to take even if the road was cracked even if I had to walk alone I stopped waiting for the road to put a name like that one step at a time even when I didn't know where it was leading every step for it is Step back From what I used to be this time I'm running from anything I'm walking toward and it's everything that was meant for me with no shame and no looking back becoming a woman I was meant to be after everything I had been through I finally saw the woman I was always meant to be I wasn't perfect I wasn't perfect and free she I'm scarred so many so much but they never stopped not now I walk this purpose not chasing anything and just become anything I was born to be every heartbreak and every second I didn't give up I built this version of me I spent too many years shrinking myself to fit into places that were never meant for me but now I'm not anymore I'm done apologize for serving surviving speaking up for taking up space I've earned every piece of this new life this is who I am now not the girl that I doubt it not the woman may try to break some money someone who Rose through every store my cherry scarves yes but I wear them white metals I fought how I got hard for how the woman I became today staring at my reflection night with Shane with confusion like I used to be but I kind of be serious knowing everything I went through and when I looked into the mirror I stood there and saw myself all the broken piece all the mess up but what that was reflection was a woman who learned to say no I'm doing what I meant to be I had already come this time but before I could step into the medical assistant program. Than I promised myself I even thought to keep going I had doubts with myself there was days when I wanted to walk out of everything so too much but I still showed up every day and the real work started to begin every day came with a challenge but I kept showing up some days I thought young other days I had to push myself just to get it out the door I reminded myself I didn't have to do everything at lunch I've learned to trust every day I survived to get closer to my goal this chapter my life out there before the first time I was holding my breath waiting to fail I finally stepping into the moment I was working so hard for when they said I passed I was really happy and excited retake starting over just clean pass on the first try the field with feeling was new almost strange wasn't used to hearing good news without cash but this time there was no no cats just the truth it may I made it through after passing everything it felt like I didn't have to look back and explain myself I can finally folks on one next thing around me notice but change I walked differently and I believe in myself every step I took us out more prepared wasn't the same person when I first started this journey I was strong or smart and more focused I knew the challenges would come I knew I had to prove I could push through waiting at this time and I was walking toward it with confidence always learning every day the tutor teaches me and I will know everything when it is all over and I will be a good medical assistant I have come a long way since I first started the program 2 years ago 38 2 years ago the journey continues is not the end of my story the best years yet to come hold on and keep watching me grow I can't for it no matter how heavy the day thoughts challenge I the road ahead was not easy but I I stayed the term in every small and reminded me I was still growing this chapter was about about strength and a quite persistence and new door started opening in my life it was quiet and first and was quiet at first but I can't deal with something was sitting but I can feel that something okay I learned the value of patience by the way I never imagined nothing happened overnight processed the progress was steady I remind myself daily that I met my effort would pay off if even if it's set back on another reason to keep going I was writing my future one day at a time I understand now that my purpose is not found overnight but video through patients what one cell like a Dua was really preparation I chose to walk for it and gratitude knowing each moment I need new faces with open heart their stories remind me I'm not alone we sure laughter under fading like like kindness connects us with words and together we keep moving for our knife falls and stars of pair above me see patterns that guy in my dream I hope glows brighter than the dark I rest not knowing I've earn peace like tomorrow will bring the as I moved forward the air smelled like rain and renew and drops the kidney falls off and steady washing away the dust of gold memories I already clean my spirit free from what used to hold me down I reached it quiet bill you would laugh or filled the streets children ran by chasing dreams without care I smile remembering when I once forgot how to hope now who I hope lived in every heartbeat The guiding me towards the wife I was meant to be built the sun broke through the closet arrested nearly field the grass suite gently whispering peace into by the wind I close my eyes and eyes and let the world breathe around me and the that stillness I talked grateful just to be alive days passing the bed bath change it and that others have kids their own path and I'm still moving forward scared to see what comes next but I'm moving forward understanding healing I found pieces of myself I didn't know they were missing my disability does not define who I am I earned this and I want to finish off my medical assistant program after they were treating me for 6 months and I didn't learn the hands on and I started learning the hands on after 4 years they wanted to they wanted to cuz withdrawn me from the program after I worked my butt off please this is this isn't all of my story but I have more but I'm not going to share right now but this is half of it you know all I'm asking for some help I've never asked anybody for anything before I've been struggling my whole life I'm tired of struggling I wanted to be able to finish my program please I'm asking if you guys can please help me please take your time and read my story because this is the truth of everything about me to what I am not today I was in massage when I started but it was a struggle because of my disability so please I do have a learning disability and I am taking medicine but I really need some help please I really would appreciate it I'm trying to do the best I can thank you