Support Ashley's Fight to Avoid Homelessness

Hello my name is Ashley! I apologize in advance as I am typing with a fractured wrist, lots of health issues stacking on my plate one big thing at a time, I am exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically, but I and am doing what I can . I want to say thank you, for taking some time from your day to read/listen to just a small part of my story.

I also apologize in advance and appreciate all of your patience as I know this will be long, but so much has happened at once, I feel I need to finally let my guard down and let the world know who I am, the struggles I fight each day, and why I am finally giving in to trying to ask for help from our family, friends, and community after trying to do it all for so long in the only way I knew how (stubborn and on my own as much as I could). ️ But here is my white flag, waving and asking to be seen, and asking that I be thought of if anyone is looking to help someone truly in their time of need!

To be honest, this past month has been the worst! I have so many medical issues for just one person, that it has strained my marriage and support in a way I never could have imagined. I knew it was a lot to handle as we had one thing after another come our way, but I can no longer lean on the one I was closest to as he has completely burned out.

I have been trying to survive alone without a PCA, or much help of my hubby as he has been on this leave at his mom’s for a while due to all the mental stress of everything. I know I need him, but he can’t take care of anyone else if he can’t take care of himself first. Unfortunately, I guess right now that means that he needs a moment to get himself in the right place. Then maybe we can hopefully find ourselves in the right place together as a team once again, as we have been for so long with all the health issues God has seemed to have blessed me with. It’s hard to understand for all of us when thinking about us going through this apart right now, and it’s emotionally draining as well sometimes just trying. But as of now, this is the best way that we can show each other support (by giving one another some time and space to heal and rejuvenate our minds and souls to start fresh once again).

But now, without much support from anywhere (I have searched and feel I have used up most, if not all of my resources and any offered!) And for not being elderly and with my body and case being so different than most, insurance and other programs constantly fight with me to get the basic needs for my care met or covered.

So now, I unfortunately find myself struggling with my wraps on my legs, pumps, simple every day tasks such as getting dressed, getting in the shower, getting to bed, getting to doctors appointments (my body doesn’t do well on the car rides anymore from all the swelling and pain), the constant infections, the falling due to the issues building up faster than we can find answers to, fractured wrist from falling and so much more.

So I guess you could say that it has truly been a LONG journey through this road and I continue to try my best to stay encouraged and strong in my faith, believing that there is a reason for all of this, and that there is nothing we are given that we cannot handle. I guess you could say that God is making me one of the toughest gals out there when I get through all of this huh?

It has been a LONG, lonely month now and I have wanted to start crying and scream at God, and yell “Why do I get this??” “Why me?” . Well, all I know and feel in my heart that God says to keep this place for at least a month, and then hopefully the next step in his plan will be revealed.

Even though I have the support of my family when they have the ability to get here between their own busy schedules with work and life, my main support (my husband) had to take a break and step away from all of the stress that this was putting on him and between us. Then I somehow got left without the rent money that was needed to cover the time he has been away since we always did the finances and things together.

Obviously, my disability pay doesn’t have enough for rent money while other bills are needing to be paid, food is still needed, and costs like medicine and gas to appointments obviously adds up. We know that we ask for miracles every day with all we have had to endure with this medical journey we are one, and we hate to have to use them up.

But, we thought that we would be ok because there was an amazing promise that we were given (from an unnamed family member that we trusted) to get some help for our month’s rent. We thought prayers were answered and things were going to be ok and taken care of until we could sort things out.

But here I am, thinking of how I was so wrong in that moment of relief as I am finding that the time is here for the rent to be paid, but as for the promise of help, it has yet to come. Somehow, in one of the biggest times of need, when we very rarely ask for things like financial help and worry of being a burden to others or in debt, I’ve been reminded why I don’t usually like to rely on others if I can help it and usually try doing it on my own.

I sit here by myself trying to figure it all out as to how or why this is happening too? We let our guard down to graciously accept the offer of help, and instead of helping, we are being pushed aside, forgotten about (out of site out of mind?) Especially since they have been focusing so hard on helping my husband as he is away from the home trying to take things one day at a time himself.

I am now without help for the month like we were promised ( We truly had no reason to believe we couldn’t plan on it happening as it was family). But I guess helping us sort out our lives over here is the last thing on the list, when he isn’t here physically right now for them to help anymore for the moment? Instead of lending a hand up, I constantly am feeling a push down from who I was once relying on as they don’t fully grasp the situation that the doctors try to say we are in. It’s too hard to understand why someone so young needs constant help, and why it is so necessary that their family member (my husband who has been my rock through so many surgeries and this tough road) why he needs to try and help for better or for worse, because they see it as not worth it and being too hard.

I am not sure what is going to happen next month. But what I do know is that my husband is not speaking to me with all the voices in his ear telling him to give up when it’s tough. Instead of reminding him that sometimes the rewards we get in this life are sweetest when the things we go through to get there are the toughest. You truly can’t appreciate the good things until you have endured the struggle through the worst of it.

Right now I believe that God says “be still and stay”. As finding a whole new place in this time in my life would be just one more major struggle to add and I don’t want to add to everyone else’s list of things I need them for if God is willing to help make things work out one way or another. We will have to figure out next month for sure, and the coming month. But, at least we’re not past due! I just need this bit of help to buy me time to figure this all out. I’m not 100% sure why I keep hearing God say “stay” but I trust that he will show me when the time is right.

I am so thankful for the mental support from the friends and family that I have still checking in and helping where they can, even when they don’t always understand or know just what to say. I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE THEM! I pray that someone might possibly be willing or are able to help me fix this bummer of a situation I am in with this place. Broken promises aren’t accepted as rent paid unfortunately

And, I truly hope to stay here for at least this month to get all the things in order so that I can focus on my healing, my heath, CRPS, lymphedema, osteoarthritis, torn meniscus, my broken wrist, not to mention the anxiety and panic all while trying to find PCA help.

I honestly feel that this is too much going on for just one person to do alone; but I am trying my butt off to figure something out in any way that I can! And I promise that this HUGE, last minute ask for a miracle is only coming to you like this from me because I feel I am out of options. I hate to come off like I am begging for help, I’m just at a loss and have no other choice but to ask you all for prayers, financial help of any amount (nothing is too small and it all truly adds up!), or in any other way you may see fit.

If you can, PLEASE, please find it in your heart to help so that I don’t become homeless!! I am living one of my biggest fears right now and need that miracle I know has happened for so many other’s out there. My rent was due the end of the month. We have rent, trash and utilities, hence the 1800 verse 1696.

So, if you can help please I would be forever grateful! And if you can pass this along in any way, it would mean the world, as I truly am asking for the support that I need in this scary time of my life and cannot do on my own as much as I would like to try! ❤️‍

Thank you,

Ashley