My name is Amanda. I've spent my career helping others heal and now I need help healing myself. I'm a licensed clinical social worker, therapist, private practice owner, and designer with multiple chronic illnesses who has spent years pouring into everyone around me.

I'm building a web design studio to help other therapists and I know it will change how I work and live for the better. But first, I desperately need a two-month sabbatical from clinical work to pause, rest, and actually take care of myself. That's what I'm raising funds for and I'm asking you for help.

I've been working in some form of healthcare for nearly two decades, and it has always come at a cost for me even if I struggled to admit it. I recall having panic attacks when I worked in the hospital and thinking surely I was going to die. I'd wake up in the morning and struggle to get myself out the door because my anxiety was so intense.

The stress of working in high crisis, fast paced environments where people's lives were at stake really impacted me on an emotional and physical level. It should come as no surprise then that working as a therapist, primarily to queer, trans, Black and brown young people in Texas for the past 5 years also has a huge impact on my well being.

I care deeply for people and want to keep them safe, so I pour until I have nothing left to give. I've had to learn how to stop doing this, and as I've found my boundaries I've also had to practice in a world that is on fire. Therapists who work with queer and particularly trans people are being treated like we are predators under our current administration. Our work is degraded, and we, along with our clients, feel the need to protect, hide, and fight. It is exhausting and heartbreaking. It is another way that I feel responsible for keeping people alive and it tells my nervous system that we are extremely unsafe.

I know that having PCOS (recently renamed PMOS), a chronic metabolic disorder that impacts every system in my body, has a lot to do with how I process stress. It's also likely why I developed long-COVID after a mild COVID infection in 2024. I've been trying to manage these issues as best I can, but being self-employed means my healthcare options are limited, my stress is high, and my income fluctuates. Every doctor I've seen in the past few years has told me that stress management is my highest priority, and as I continue to navigate a field that has increasingly high stress I recognize... I can't do it like this anymore.

I've got to find a way to put down everything I've been carrying and I've spent the past year, maybe a bit more, pouring every extra penny I have into building a new business that will be different in numerous ways. I know that I've been burning the candle at both ends to try to build something new, working from 9 AM to 9 PM many days but now I'm running on empty and I have been for a really long time. My body is done pretending this is okay, and I have started to have more and more symptoms that tell me I'm nearing a serious breakdown.

Every activity that I need to stay alive is hard--eating, sleeping, exercising, socializing--they're all gigantic tasks for me that I struggle with every day. Because of long-COVID I've developed GERD which means that eating, the timing of eating, and what I eat is more complicated than it already was from PCOS and Interstitial Cystitis that I developed some time in the past few years. I've had so many medical procedures and surgeries in the past few years that I've lost count... 5? Maybe 6?

For a couple of years I couldn't even wear pants. I have a closet full of loose fitting dresses and undergarments that are too big because anything touching my body would cause me to flare. ‍Because of Interstitial Cystitis I struggle with eating acidic foods which has limited my diet for the past few years in a way that I find miserable.

I had to quit drinking which honestly isn't the worst thing in the world but sometimes I want a margarita so bad or even just a lemonade, but I can't drink citrus at all and bubbly drinks of all kinds are out of the question. So most non-alcoholic beverages are nixed since they have both. I also love tomatoes (I even have a full tomato patterned outfit with tomato shaped earrings) and I have to be really careful of eating them. I haven't had a bowl of spaghetti with tomato-based sauce in years and I hate it but if I eat that I will be doubled over in horrible pain for God knows how long. If I'm going to work and take care of myself, I can't eat a lot of the foods I enjoy AND stress triggers symptom flares that are hard to avoid given the type of work that I am doing.

GERD causes me to have acid reflux so bad that my vocal chords close and cause me to feel like I'm suffocating. I woke up at night gasping for months before the doctors realized what was happening. I have very little stamina now and leaving the house to do multiple errands is out of the question. I have to manage my time and energy or else I will be out somewhere and just run out of gas. I look and feel like shit and I think the people around me are unsure how to help because the issue is bigger than one singular thing.

I am chronically ill, traumatized by my work, and my family is offering everything they have to give to me but it's just not enough. I am so grateful for their care, for my husband who is taking on so much of our household expenses, for my mom, sister, and extended family who I know want desperately for me to feel better. I know that if my dad were here I could call him and ask for help and he'd offer it, but it has been 11 years on June 3rd since he passed away.

He is the person I want to ask about building a business and trying to find the right path when W2 work just isn't it--and even if it was, there's no way I could work like this. I've started to think about how 37 isn't too young to die from a heart attack. I developed heart palpitations recently and it has been pretty scary. I know what they are because I've had them from stress and anxiety in the past but they've never been this aggressive. I worry about what this means for me.

Recently I went to the funeral of my high school art teacher. He was my favorite. I had him for three of my four years of high school, more than any other teacher. He believed that art makes life interesting, and sitting there listening to people talk about the life he lived, I felt something shift in me. I don't want to die before this dream is realized. I want to make things. I want to build things. I want a life that has room for painting and creativity and work that feels good. I want to feel more alive.

So, all that to say, I recognize I should've asked for help sooner. I shouldn't be here worrying about whether I am going to die young and never get to live out my dreams. I am building a design studio to help therapists who go into business like me and don't have any idea how to brand themselves or build a sustainable practice. I'm doing it because I care but also because 18 year old me was deciding between being a healthcare provider or a graphic designer and I've spent nearly 20 years wishing I could just make some art, build something with my hands, and give it to someone.

I know that my work is supposed to be meaningful, and values driven, but it's not supposed to kill me. I know that putting together these two worlds is the right thing for me, and I am really lucky to have friends who are willing to be my first paying clients and tell all their friends about me too. I just need to be able to rest so that I can make this transition real. I don't know if two months away is enough, but I know that no time away is too little. Please help me fund a sabbatical so that I can finally sign off of my computer and go lay down.

I built this fundraiser after several friends urged me to because I need help. Not a handout, not a vacation, a life changing transition. I'm asking my community to help me buy myself two months to pause, rest, and come back as someone who can actually sustain this. Any amount that comes in goes toward personal expenses, medical costs, and debt so that I can genuinely put the work down and let my body recover. I regularly cash pay to see a therapist and an acupuncturist. I'm overdue for follow-ups with my urologist, gynecologist, psychiatrist and I probably should see a cardiologist too. I know that I need more rest than I can afford right now and I also know my body won't take this level of stress forever.

Thank you for being on this journey with me and for believing in me. I wouldn't be here right now asking for help or building out this wild idea that I have if not for all of the people who've loved me through this.

If you want to support my design business you can visit my website here → Inner Child Creative and sign up for my newsletter → here so you'll be first to know when I'm taking new clients and get musings from me about building a business, branding, marketing, and design.

The website is a living art journal, full of things that bring me joy but also demonstrating how being yourself can land with your ideal audience. I will continue to update it as I have the energy to do so, and I hope you'll be patient with me as I return to being present in my own life again.

Thank you for helping me find a safe place to rest for a while.