My name is Aika. I am a transgender woman with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Major Anxiety with traumatic experiences who is currently stuck in an abusive household with no other option but to rely on the kindness of others. I'm making this GoFundMe from the insistence of my friends, who wish to support me in any way they can in their own way.

I'm turning to crowdfunding because I am unable to maintain gainful employment. I grew up in a household where fear was my only motivator and I was constantly in trouble for struggling in school despite my best efforts. About 7 years ago, I had a traumatic event take place at a workplace I had a modicum of confidence in and, even after trying to take a medical leave of absence, could not return to work. I attempted to work after this, only to have my traumas, anxieties, insecurities, and "inadequacies" prevent me from keeping a job regardless of my accomplishments or positive reinforcements from my peers. I'm currently in the process of applying for Social Security Disability benefits, but given how strict, tedious, and long the process takes, it will be a long while yet before I properly receive a decision on it.

Currently, I reside in the home I grew up in with my parents and one of my sisters. From childhood into adulthood, my mother has been, and continues to be, a source of extreme anxiety and distress. In her eyes, I am someone who just simply needs to "get over" my traumas and panic attacks. To her, I am someone who is "lazy" and makes things up in my head because it is different from her perspective or allows me to take advantage of someone else. She disregards my mental health and all of its manifestations and symptoms, instead trying to reinforce the notion that I am abusing her by being unable to be a self-sufficient adult. She puts her own well-being above mine and refuses to accept any reasoning I may give her. Despite my efforts to be open-hearted, transparent, and lay everything bare for her, I am met with the same resistance and the insistence that the fears and doubts that paralyze me are just excuses. Even with showing the small steps I have been taking to improve myself and bring in what little money I can from odd jobs and surveys, what I have done for the home and for the family has meant nothing next to my inability to work. I have attempted to have her attend a session with my therapist, only for her to come out of it upset that the therapist seemed to be in my pocket because she was questioning my mother on her reasonings. Things have escalated to the point now where I am being threatened with having my things destroyed and thrown out, my access to my support groups and found family stripped, and being thrown onto the streets so that she can try to live her "golden years" of retirement not having to support her children. I am out of options, and cannot wait for the ticking time-bomb that is this woman to decide on a whim to finally blow. I need help.

Any donations will be going towards funds needed to move across the country and sustaining myself for a month or two. This includes gas, food, helping to pay my share of utilities/rent to anyone willing to add another tenant to their lease, and trying to start over in an entirely new area. I'm told by my friends and therapists on a consistent basis that I need the space to heal and not have other people from my past come in the way of that. I barely have money for gas, let alone groceries, and have been barred from seeking help in the past by my parents. The constant paranoia and fear I have because of their words and actions needs to be resolved first and foremost, and sadly, moving far away and severing all ties with my blood-family is the only way to make this a reality.

I thank you for taking the time to read all of this, and I hope that your days are filled with love and kindness. If you do contribute, I thank you for your generosity. Please only provide what you are willing to part with and will not have a use for. If you aren't able to, I still thank you for hearing me out and at least sparing a thought for me. Take care of yourselves and your loved ones. <3