We're a man down. One of our best coaches, someone who's made a career of helping kids see and believe the best of themselves needs a hand. He's the coach that all kids needs in their lives. That all sports need more of. A small donation will go a long way as he and his small family struggle to make basic ends meet.

CONTEXT

Every kid's road is hard. If you have a player in youth sports, you probably have a story or two of your own. Of terrible behavior from the supposed 'adults in the room'. Of indifference from the very people tasked with keeping your child safe. Of kids being appropriately inappropriate when adults aren't around, which is sometimes a function more of age and less of character, but that can still cause damage that takes years to unspool.

Our son Jay has had his share of challenges. One of them? A longstanding bullying issue that was too inconvenient or uncomfortable for the adults in the room to address or fix. This went on for years. The 'adults', for whatever reason, decided that they couldn't be bothered to protect a smaller kid against three bigger ones.

Shortly after that finally, mercifully ended (two of the three moved away), he also found himself as the smallest and youngest kid on an older team. In this situation, he encountered an intimidating coach who made him intensely feel his lack of worth. These two experiences cratered his confidence. Caused him to view adults with suspicion. Eroded his love of this amazing game.

Jay is resilient. But he's not unbreakable.

He's also had some amazing adults in his life. People who saw not just the size of his heart, but its quality. As I tell him often, "If you're going to take an inventory, make sure you take a full one." We are blessed to have had these people in his lives.

This fundraiser is about one of them.

LOVE OF THE GAME

Since he was 6, Jay has always played with joy. It's his secret weapon. A NAHL coach recently told him, "You gotta have a 9 in your game." I think that we're still looking for the 9 that the coach was referring to, but his love of being on the ice and with his boys has always been a 9. Probably a 10.

This amazing game, along with its many great lessons, was his refuge. His place where he could turn the rest of his brain off. And play. Just play.

DAMAGE

Jay showed up to his new team several years ago damaged. Not physically, but mentally. The years of abuse from those three older kids had taken a toll. Always emotionally perceptive, he saw the indifference of parents in our club's structure, parents he knew, and who saw what was happening, yet did nothing.

He was also still reeling from a coach who treated him as disposable. As an annoyance. His self-worth was at an all-time low.

Too often those of us with an obligation to help teach life's lessons through sport forget that kids are fragile. That they're a responsibility, not a burden. We lose sight of the fact that if we make the effort to teach them well, that if we feed their good wolves, that we're making our sport better. Our world better.

The impact of coaches on kids is powerful. We were witnessing the downside of this in real time.

Again, resilient, but not unbreakable.

REDEMPTION. RECLAMATION. REJUVENATION.

As I mentioned, Jay was struggling. It showed on the ice. And in the game's bigger moments. He was playing on a team of talented kids, and he was obviously one of them. But something was wrong.

That's when something remarkable happened. His head coach took me aside and asked me, "What's going on in his head?"

A question like that is too rare in coaching. I understand why. Many of us can be insufferable, unrealistic and self-absorbed in the uniquely tone-deaf way that only hockey parents can. Club lacrosse parents own that particular franchise, but that's another story for another day.

I explained the situation to the coach, taking care also to mention the positive figures in his life.

This coach got a look on his face that I'll never forget. It was disgust. Not at me. Not at Jay. But at those who looked at my son. And then looked away.

He skated down the ice. I saw him lean down, helmet to helmet, hands on Jay's shoulder pads. He spoke quietly with him for a minute. Maybe two. Their body language told me that their conversation was getting intense there at the end. At that point, he wrapped him in his arms, squeezed him for two seconds, then skated away.

This coach spent the next two months doing the same thing. Not hugging him, but talking to him. Talking with him. Encouraging him out of his cave. Slowly, the spark came back. The lion within Jay began to reawaken. His love and joy slowly returned.

This coach, this passionate, empathetic mentor, singlehandedly rebuilt my child.

He's the person the world needs more of right now. And he's in a tough spot. Life has dealt him a particularly tough hand over these past months. Illness, job market, car repair...all of it came at once. And all of it stacked up.

He just needs a small hand. The price of a cup of coffee or two from a few dozen of us. Enough to pay his rent. To get his car back. So he can go to work. And so he can get his own small boys to the rink.

TRANSPARENCY

I believe in it. Normally I'd never ask anyone to support some vague, nameless person. In this case however, I'm asking you, my friends, to trust me. Like many who are down on their luck, he's deeply ashamed of his circumstances. As illogical as that is for a person of his upstanding character and work ethic, it is what it is. Our role here isn't to question, but to understand. And for those of us with the means, to lend a hand and to make a donation, no matter how small.

EPILOGUE

I asked Jay later that week what the coach had said to him in that moment. He told me that the coach told him this;

"What happened to you shouldn't have happened. But it did. It's a part of you. It's a part of your story. But it's not what you are. It's not who you are. YOU get to decide that. Not me. And sure AF not them. But you need to know that I believe in you. I see the player in there. Let's let THAT kid come out and play again."

Jay went on to advance out of the district combine the following year, one of the very few players from our valley to ever do so. He then signed with a fantastic juniors team, where he's been for the past two seasons. He's surrounded by a great group of young men and a fantastic group of coaches. Everything worked out. For a reason, I'm told. I guess we'll see. But maybe.

If you're lucky, you've had someone like this coach in your life or your kid's. Who saw them. Who cared enough about the human under the helmet. Who loved and honored the sport enough to make it better.

This coach put our child on a different path. I know for a fact that he's done the same for countless players over the years.

Thanks in advance for lending a hand. If you want more details, I'm happy to share those over a call or coffee.

Mike