Today is my birthday.

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And I have a bit of an edgy ask..

Before first I want to share a bit of a backstory.

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When I was 2, 3, 4 years old, I was a social butterfly.

Open. Bright. Hilarious. Expressive.

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Then around age 5 or 6 something changed. . .

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I stopped believing that my expression was “ok.”

I hid. I made myself small.

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I learned to do what was expected of me.

I learned how to “excel” at everything.

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For many years, I walked around with crippling anxiety because I felt a constant pressure to perform - to TRY to be “good enough.”

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I thought I needed to EARN love in order to be worthy of receiving it.

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Then in high school I started to fall in love with photography.

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It invited me to slow down, be present, and to appreciate the natural state of everything around me. Beauty was everywhere, all I had to do was shift my perspective.

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But it wasn’t long before the pressure creeped in.

The thought of needing to be “good at” another thing on top of everything else felt overwhelming.

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So I dropped it.

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I focused my attention on the things I was told that I "should" be doing - school, sports, work, achievements - letting go of what I ACTUALLY wanted to do - be in the woods losing all sense of time with a camera.

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Fast forward to now - last week actually.

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I'm on a 17 hour roadtrip.

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On hour 10, I suddenly start crying.

The beauty of the scenery around me was so moving, and yet here I was just passing it by.

Trying to push through the drive so I could “make good time.”

Trying to do it right.

Again.

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I could feel the tenderness in my heart. There was a vulnerability here inviting me to slow down, to sacrifice "productivity" in order to appreciate the moments I would never experience again.

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So I did.

I took a few snapshots here and there.

It felt like touching the surface of something deep - something I hadn't given myself permission to [really] enjoy for a long time. And I also knew that my heart was craving so much more.

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That’s when I realized - I get to choose now.

I get to choose to follow what [actually] brings my soul alive.

I get to choose what brings me pleasure and peace.

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I honor the part of me that loves productivity, and this part no longer rules as dictator of my inner world.

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This is where I am asking for your support.

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I desire to revive my passion for photography with a trip to the Redwoods National park (home of trees over 3,000 years old) - another lifelong dream that I have put on the backburner until now.

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This Birthday Trip is meant to remind me of the importance of following my heart's desires - ***and to stop waiting to do the things I {REALLY} want to be doing. ***

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Because life is short, ya know?

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All support ($10 - $1,000) is deeply appreciated. It will be received as encouragement to continue to follow my heart's desires.

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Comments and shares of this post are also appreciated as it helps this message reach more people

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⭐️WHAT THE FUNDS WILL BE USED FOR⭐️

$1650 - Camera equipment (weather resistant camera + 2 back up batteries)

$300- Refresher photography classes

$360 - Flight

$245 - Camping fees for Redwood National State Park for 1 week

$500 - Rental car for 1 week

$95- Gofundme fees

$3,150 - TOTAL