Suicide awareness creative project

My name is Carrie and in September 2012 my husband Michael Stanley took his life by suicide leaving behind myself (his wife) and our three children aged 11, 10 and 6 at the time. Even writing this now almost 11 years on it seems unbelievable and shocking.

I rebuilt our lives slowly and with many pitfalls along the way, I'm still rebuilding whilst managing complicated grief in all it's manifestations. This story is mostly about me and not him. That part of our lives is for us alone. I make it in his honour though and so that I know I did my absolute best to tackle the tragedy of his death with the life that he wanted us to have.

I was always an artist and educator but never really allowed my own voice into my practise until Covid hit. Enforced lockdown and some time to reflect on what I really wanted to say with my work allowed me to access and focus on my own story and to use it in an honest and open way. The focus was self healing but in sharing the work through social media I found that it was helping others too.

Making real and visual the very difficult experiences of my own suicide recovery was and is empowering, creates allowance and validates specific moments that felt shameful through the stigma that still surrounds this tragic way to die.

I was awarded an Arts Council England DYCP grant in 2022 which funded 10 months of starting this process of creative investigation. The funding gave me peer support through a critique program, mentor support, a writing residency on a creatives canal boat amongst many other amazing experiences. It helped push me forward and I'm massively grateful for everything the grant brought with it.

But the work inevitably goes on.. I'm now fuelled by a need to collate this work, enable it to be experienced by others, to let it grow and reach it's natural conclusion. My goal is the same ; to present the most honest and open journey ( my journey). The work expresses not only the deepest tragedy but also the joy of being alive in the here and now and what we can do to embrace that. How we can transmute grief into something 'other' that helps people deal with and face their own experiences. How we can lead positive lives going forward and  to heal through creativity. 

I started an instagram page/blog a couple of years ago @visual_grief_diary which is a space for me to reflect and share my work. It's not edited and is often raw and direct. Through this page I've had conversations with many many people who have given me such heartfelt feedback. I can see that it's helping others and this gives me the biggest boost to carry on. To have a positive purpose is another step in beating the overwhelm of suicide loss.

Funds raised through this page will go directly into supporting me making this work, will pay for my time and research.. Will help fund finding venues for the exhibition, accessing support organisations and approaching potential collaborators. I'm aiming for an exhibition which will travel to a few spaces in order to reach the widest audience. There will be talks, possibly a symposium around creative healing, hopefully a publication collating my writings and drawings... so many aims. I’m working towards bringing this all to fruition in late 2024 -early 2025. 

I'm grateful for any support given, it means the world to me. Thank you in advance and follow my story through my instagram page and updates here.

Carrie XX