Content warning!! Mentions of SA and mental health related things.

I wanted to be up-front and honest about my situation. I don't want to hide anything from you all, regardless of how triggering the whole situation is. I sincerely apologize for this, so I will try to write this as appropriately as I can.

Last month and this month have been very difficult for me and my husband.

A traumatic event occurred on April 15th, with someone I had mistakenly thought was a "friend." I was invited to stay the night, meet his sister, and try to have fun. The prospect of acid was presented to me, and as I have had experience with it in the past, I felt interested in it. After asking some questions, it was revealed that it was old and improperly stored. I was under the impression that it was just a dud, given the deterioration that should have occurred over the 5+ month timespan I was informed of.

It was not, and it did not feel like acid given my foggy memory on some details of the evening. I think you can imagine what happened given the appropriate content warning listed above.

With an active investigation going on, my husband had been fired and replaced at his very much abusive job at a lumberyard. Our income had dropped dramatically and finding jobs around Gilcrest, CO willing to hire him has been a very difficult endeavor. If you're asking yourself at this point if I can work, I can. Sort of. Not really. I have a chronic illness. It's one of those "invisible" illnesses. Ones that aren't disabling enough for me to qualify for the help I need. It has been really, really hard. My mental health is plummeting and I'm stuck feeling helpless and lost. I'm so scared. I have been homeless a lot in my life, and the first three years I was a teenager. Kicked out by a very physically abusive mother. Only to get groomed by an adult, and stuck on the streets. I had traveled from Colorado, to Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas. I saw a lot of things I definitely should not have seen.

Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) is a condition that causes a number of symptoms when you transition from lying down to standing up, such as a fast heart rate, dizziness, and fatigue.

POTS affects the entire body's autonomous system, which includes episodes of me getting way too cold, or way too hot, disoriented, blood will pool in my head, hands, or feet causing discomfort. I have a history of syncope as well, with several instances where I have hit my head or injured myself falling. My body cannot regulate any of it properly.

While there is no cure, there are some medications or lifestyle changes that can help.

Details are here if you'd like to learn more. Cited Source for POTS

Rather than working a labor-intensive traditional job and putting my health at risk, I have been drawing and taking commissions as a freelance artist. And seeing as how I can't afford to pay for my program Clip Studio Paint, it's been difficult learning a free program with very limited resources for me to use.

We can't afford to eat, or pay our phone or Wi-Fi bills, or even pay my husband's car payment. So his vehicle will be repossessed soon. So I would like to be able to raise enough to help us with the immediate stuff, but I am well aware that everyone else is struggling just as much. Thank you for reading this, and giving me the time to tell my story. I really hope that we can get the help we need.