Stranded with Dementia—Please Help Me Help My Mom
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June 3: PLEASE follow the updates I'm posting to see what's happened, where we are now, and what's on the horizon. There's some good news, but we're still struggling and your help is very much appreciated.
Thank you for your interest in our story. Please consider giving if you can. If anything, please share our story with your friends, family, colleagues, and community.
Much love,
Kelly
__________________________________________________________
Hello!
First, please know that this is an urgent situation.
Thank you so much for clicking through to read my mom's story. I'm going to get straight to the point, but you can find the story of why this is so urgent below.
Must-know info:
• My mother has undiagnosed dementia
- (UPDATE: Diagnosis on Friday, May 10: Advanced Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's. Please read the story below for more info.)
• She assaulted my aunt and is now essentially stranded in a hospital in South Lake Tahoe, California… her home is in Washington
• Neither mom nor my aunt want contact with one another
- My aunt is the only person we know in the area
- Doctors agree mom shouldn’t see her because it would agitate her
• Mom’s being evicted from her house in Washington in less than 30 days as of May 10th, 2019, due to lack of payment (a result of progressing dementia)
• Because of her violent tendencies (this isn’t the first assault) mom cannot live at my house
- I can’t put my kiddo or myself in danger.
- Doctors, social workers, and family agree
• I need to find her a safe place to stay ASAP either in California but preferably in Washington until I can gain power of attorney (POA), establish a guardianship, get her approved for Medicaid, and find her a permanent place to call home
Expected Costs
• Transportation to California from Seattle and back to retrieve mom—2 down, 3 back
- I’m not comfortable leaving my kiddo in Seattle for fear that something may go sideways, leaving her up here without any family for an undetermined amount of time
• Hospital bills
- Initially admitted to the ER by the police after the assault (5/9/2019)
- Currently admitted on a “Social Admission” basis in California, and may have to be in Washington, too (5/10/19-??)
• Legal fees
- I’ll need a lawyer to help with establishing a POA and a guardianship
- Possibly more because of the eviction
• Moving and storage expenses
• I may need to have her car, which is in Tahoe, delivered back to the Seattle area
• Am I missing anything?
More of the Story
For the past couple of years, maybe more, my mother, Dorothy, has been declining into dementia. We don't have a diagnosis yet [UPDATE: Diagnosed with advanced Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's 5/10/19], but things have gotten bad enough that my aunt and I decided she should move from Washington—where she lived alone in a house (more on this in a bit)—to South Lake Tahoe. There she would live with my aunt while we worked on getting her diagnosed and settled in a place that could care for her. Mom and my aunt left for California on Tuesday of this week (5/7/2019) and arrived the following evening.
Unfortunately, confusion, agitation, and sometimes violent reactions to situations are a part of dementia. This became sharply evident when mom assaulted my aunt just 12 hours after arriving in Tahoe. The police were called who then took mom to the emergency room. My aunt sustained some minor injuries but decided not to press charges. The officers concurred.
Since being in the hospital, mom’s had some blood work done as well as a mental health evaluation. There’s no sign of mental illness, but on a scale of 1 to 30, 30 being sharp as a tack, mom scored a 9 on a test that helps identify signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s. No one knew it was this bad.
About the house in Washington: Mom has lived there for over a decade. My brother lived there, too, until he moved out of the country in April of 2018. Since his departure, mom hasn’t paid any rent, water/sewer/garbage, and lord knows what other bills. I’ve been in contact with the owners, an elderly couple, who say they cannot sustain paying the mortgage on a house they’ve wanted to sell since last year but couldn’t because mom wouldn’t—really, couldn’t—find a different place. She just didn’t have the capacity, and I could only do so much, which, clearly wasn’t enough.
Sadly, I could go on and on. There’s a lot to tell. The most important thing now is I need help to help my mom immediately. If you are able, I would be extremely grateful for your support.
My sincere thanks,
Kelly
Thank you for your interest in our story. Please consider giving if you can. If anything, please share our story with your friends, family, colleagues, and community.
Much love,
Kelly
__________________________________________________________
Hello!
First, please know that this is an urgent situation.
Thank you so much for clicking through to read my mom's story. I'm going to get straight to the point, but you can find the story of why this is so urgent below.
Must-know info:
• My mother has undiagnosed dementia
- (UPDATE: Diagnosis on Friday, May 10: Advanced Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's. Please read the story below for more info.)
• She assaulted my aunt and is now essentially stranded in a hospital in South Lake Tahoe, California… her home is in Washington
• Neither mom nor my aunt want contact with one another
- My aunt is the only person we know in the area
- Doctors agree mom shouldn’t see her because it would agitate her
• Mom’s being evicted from her house in Washington in less than 30 days as of May 10th, 2019, due to lack of payment (a result of progressing dementia)
• Because of her violent tendencies (this isn’t the first assault) mom cannot live at my house
- I can’t put my kiddo or myself in danger.
- Doctors, social workers, and family agree
• I need to find her a safe place to stay ASAP either in California but preferably in Washington until I can gain power of attorney (POA), establish a guardianship, get her approved for Medicaid, and find her a permanent place to call home
Expected Costs
• Transportation to California from Seattle and back to retrieve mom—2 down, 3 back
- I’m not comfortable leaving my kiddo in Seattle for fear that something may go sideways, leaving her up here without any family for an undetermined amount of time
• Hospital bills
- Initially admitted to the ER by the police after the assault (5/9/2019)
- Currently admitted on a “Social Admission” basis in California, and may have to be in Washington, too (5/10/19-??)
• Legal fees
- I’ll need a lawyer to help with establishing a POA and a guardianship
- Possibly more because of the eviction
• Moving and storage expenses
• I may need to have her car, which is in Tahoe, delivered back to the Seattle area
• Am I missing anything?
More of the Story
For the past couple of years, maybe more, my mother, Dorothy, has been declining into dementia. We don't have a diagnosis yet [UPDATE: Diagnosed with advanced Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's 5/10/19], but things have gotten bad enough that my aunt and I decided she should move from Washington—where she lived alone in a house (more on this in a bit)—to South Lake Tahoe. There she would live with my aunt while we worked on getting her diagnosed and settled in a place that could care for her. Mom and my aunt left for California on Tuesday of this week (5/7/2019) and arrived the following evening.
Unfortunately, confusion, agitation, and sometimes violent reactions to situations are a part of dementia. This became sharply evident when mom assaulted my aunt just 12 hours after arriving in Tahoe. The police were called who then took mom to the emergency room. My aunt sustained some minor injuries but decided not to press charges. The officers concurred.
Since being in the hospital, mom’s had some blood work done as well as a mental health evaluation. There’s no sign of mental illness, but on a scale of 1 to 30, 30 being sharp as a tack, mom scored a 9 on a test that helps identify signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s. No one knew it was this bad.
About the house in Washington: Mom has lived there for over a decade. My brother lived there, too, until he moved out of the country in April of 2018. Since his departure, mom hasn’t paid any rent, water/sewer/garbage, and lord knows what other bills. I’ve been in contact with the owners, an elderly couple, who say they cannot sustain paying the mortgage on a house they’ve wanted to sell since last year but couldn’t because mom wouldn’t—really, couldn’t—find a different place. She just didn’t have the capacity, and I could only do so much, which, clearly wasn’t enough.
Sadly, I could go on and on. There’s a lot to tell. The most important thing now is I need help to help my mom immediately. If you are able, I would be extremely grateful for your support.
My sincere thanks,
Kelly
Organizer
Kelly Doscher
Organizer
Seattle, WA