I want to live so badly.
Things were looking good and I was excited to be done. I walked in my last appointment just knowing I was walking out completely healed of hodgkins lymphoma. My soul hit the floor when they told me the chemo didn’t work.
A few weeks ago I took my final scans. I had to do more tests because they couldn’t tell if what was lighting up was just scar tissue or tumor.
Well after weeks of waiting and tests the chemo I went through for the last 8 months didn’t work. At first it shrunk it but it didn’t go away. Then the last scan showed it got a little bigger than it was two weeks ago.
I feel frozen and numb. How after everything I just went through my battle is not done.
Their next step for me would be a more intensive chemo than I’ve done and bone marrow transplant. It’s seems inhuman to me. The chemo I did I lost my memory and saw things in black and white amongst other crazy things. This could or could not work, but I wouldn’t be able to have children in doing this.
If you know me that is my whole heart and world to have babies. One Dr. said it’s a 40% success rate and one said 60%. I can’t think of a life without children.
So I started digging in and doing my own research. I am on an all raw diet and taking many natural teas and supplements. I am doing everything I personally can to try and help myself. There are centers in Mexico that have 70% survival rates most patients being at stage 4 when they come there. I’m only at stage 2. They do treatments the US doesn’t allow. Why not I’m not sure because they are all healing treatments. They use oxygen chambers and all types of different things. There are many natural cancer killers. They teach you what to eat and you talk to a therapist to heal your mind. It’s a healing of body mind and spirit.
The Dr. I talked to said I need to test your body to see why it came back. If your body healed itself before, it can do it again, but let’s figure out what’s not working in your body so we can fix it. Oh MY GOSH! I’ve been waiting for these words. No Dr. has said let’s find the root of the problem. Instead they say come back in a few months to see if it comes back. I’ve never had Dr.s that find the issue and help you take your life back. Because even if I did the bone marrow transplant and it worked. How do I keep it from coming back. They just say idk how you got this. But clearly my lymphatic system isn’t working properly. This is the second time being diagnosed with this as the first time was in 2015. I had a 14inch tumor the size of a loaf of bread. This time the tumor was pressed against my heart. So I am ready to find out what I need to do to get rid of this and never get it again!
My whole world feels numb. I want to live! I want to live so badly. So I have to move fast on this. I want to go to Mexico for three weeks and be treated there and see as they monitor it, if what they can do for me can help me. I believe it will and I can take hold of my life. And still have babies and a full life after treatment.
I am asking for your help to save my life. I hate sounding like a broken record I never would have thought this would be my life.
I need your help more than ever. There is no insurance programs in Mexico so the clinics are pricey. It is 42,000.00 For three weeks and a returning visit in 3 months. They send you home with a machine and supplements. I have to pay for airfare on top of that and food and rent for that month.
I ask first for your prayers. And if you can give anything at all it will literally change my life.
I thank you all throughout these years for all the love and support you’ve given me. I don’t have words to explain what having such a support system feels like but I am truly blessed. I will beat this. I want to live to badly.
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