To whom it may concern, I’m writing this because I’m lost and need to be heard, and am fearing the worst, as my health and well-being doesn’t have nowhere else to turn. Please take the time to read my plea for anyone who may care.

Years ago, when I was a young adult I married a man I thought I loved. After getting an apartment, we rushed into a marriage that I did not understand was unhealthy and toxic. He was older than me and way more advanced in the world of sex and drugs. The relationship was soon filled with every form of abuse, from physical, verbal, emotional and sexual. It felt like a nightmare as I became a prisoner of what was called by the District Attorney’s office as severe psychological abuse, leading to traumatic brain damage, along with physical disabilities, due to the severity of the abuse. The abuse and drug use became the “New Normal”. It was extremely toxic, there were multiple arrests, as he beat me severely multiple times, almost killing me in the process of making me believe I was always the problem. He shattered my left orbital floor, busted my left eyebrow bone, and put a dent in my skull. My nose was fractured two times, and some of my teeth were broken too. This was unfortunately not the worst of the abuse.

The drug use was so heavy at times that I was waking up while sexual acts were being performed on me, without me even realizing it was happening. I was so young and had no family or friends, it was the scariest feeling not knowing what they were doing to me until I came to. No family to turn to as I was thrown out at 15 for being gay. I was always being given things like meth and other drugs during sex, being handed drinks that I later found out were possibly laced with things like “G” and other toxic party drugs. My husband I later found out was HIV positive and I thought my world was going to end! Fortunately, I was clean and somehow never contracted the virus. The doctors after confirming the abuse happened couldn’t believe I didn’t catch the disease. The drug scene was new to me, I had no idea what drugs could do to us or how people can take such scary advantage of us. I quickly became addicted, and later was hooked on pain pills, as I was always beaten severely. This is what led me to finding out he had an extensive record and past history with drugs and abuse.

Further down the road, it was brought to my attention, that he was allowing men to watch us during sexual acts and while we were getting high. All of this without my knowledge. It was so bad that when I was planning an escape once, I was lying during sex and saying and doing what he liked and wanted so I could try to gather evidence to keep me safe and prove what was happening. I was waking up in places and not knowing how I got there, hours and even days sometimes had passed by. I had no memory of how it was happening. I was faking it all, every bit of it. It is what he wanted so at the time I was afraid to not do what he needed and craved. I was always being threatened and was scared for my life. I was waking up while things were happening to me, it was so scary. I later found out some of the drugs were laced with other drugs.

The worst time was when he had me so high, days had gone by, and he was recording and letting people watch me be “fisted” by him and taking advantage of how high he got me. I didn’t even know that it had happened to me until it was later brought to my attention by other people who saw this event take place. It was so severe that I later needed corrective surgery to repair my intestines and digestive system, as I started to have severe internal damage that has now caused lifelong medical issues. My surgeon said it was unlike anything they had ever seen. She said everything was in the wrong spots and flipped, even my appendix was on the left side of my body. It was bizarre she said, as some people are born with malrotation, but that is normally corrected at birth, and that this seemed more like something had caused the issue to happen, like something internally damaged my insides and messed everything up. I later was finally able to escape the horrific abuse and pain I endured. I felt free, but not released from the traumatic bond that was keeping me tied to memories and trauma, that I still have been searching for a way to heal from. It’s like a never-ending battle, that just never stops. The PTSD is so severe I still have flashbacks and nightmares every day.

It’s exhausting, I can barely make it day to day without giving up. It’s awful, I can’t even eat or go to the bathroom like a normal person. I can’t retain liquids and solids like normal people. It makes work, daily life and activities a burden. I can’t even complete normal tasks that are so simple for so many, without draining all the energy I have. The pain is so severe at times, it’s like fire in my gut, but when it’s not like that, it’s like my stomach cramps, with pains I can’t explain. I’ve been trying my hardest, but I keep ending up in the same cycle of nothing. I’m losing my jobs, my mind, my strength, I’m now being evicted, I can’t survive like this, it’s the worst. I’m going to soup kitchens for food and resources, which I’m grateful for, but I’m supposed to be on a particular diet for my health needs, but can’t afford it. I lost my food stamps benefits, because I am trying to work, but I can only work so many hours. I’m trying for social security, they said I could only work so many hours, or I would have to start the process over. With what they let me work I don’t make enough for food, shelter and bills. My primary doctor and surgeon have said I’m disabled and need the benefits to live a normal life. I keep getting nowhere, but need these benefits to properly heal, from childhood, and adulthood sexual, physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. This all led to phycological abuse and trauma that is still debilitating, all stemming from over 25-30 years of untreated trauma. I can’t function like everyday people, I’m trying my hardest, but I’m losing hope. I have no friends, or family, I’m completely alone. Just about a week ago, (1/10/26) I was subjected to another sexual assault by a man I thought was my friend. It was uncomfortable, and triggered so much pain. Reporting it, that it happened, and that he chose to take an opportunity to do this to me broke my heart. It was so uncomfortable and brought back so much pain that I forgot it even existed.

I’ve reached out to shelters, and nothing, I need some help, and I’m doing things the way I should, but still no benefits or help yet. I worked, and they took my food, they told me they can’t help with shelter or money until social security awards me my benefits. I have and still am currently going through so much pain, and trauma, I can barely go to the bathroom without crying at times. Working is almost impossible. I can’t even drive, because of the eye injury, so I have to walk everywhere, and now I’m trying to find work again, as I got severe covid and lost my job, leading to my eviction. The pain is too much mentally and physically.

I’m lost and need any help, or advice, that could get me shelter, or resources, I need. I want to heal, I want to recover, I want to try to go to school! I never graduated, because I was thrown out on the street at 15 for being gay and awarded to the state. They put me in a hotel. It was awful, school, work abandonment from family! I was lost. I still am, I wish the system would help me. I need my politicians, our leaders, to hear me, I need them to listen, to help me, I don’t want to give up on the progress I’ve been trying to make, but every day it gets worse. Now my surgeon wants me to have a colonoscopy too, because they fear there may be more issues causing the pain. I reach out for help, I get nowhere. It’s always, endless calls, trying to get a bed, go to this place, get on this list, it gets me nowhere. I need our leaders to help me, I am disabled, and have no benefits at all. What I’m doing to survive is killing me, and making my mental and physical health conditions worse every day. Please help me, so I can try to live a somewhat normal life again. I want friends again, I want fun again, I want love again, I want to be married again someday. I want to believe in the good of the world again, I miss that feeling. I miss believing in a system, that is for the people. I turn on the news, all I do is cry. What happened to our world, what happened to community, compassion, and love? I feel like I wake up in a world of hate and pain, where we watch people suffer through life. It’s the worst feeling ever. It is 1-20-26, I have until 2-5-26 and I’ll be without shelter. I’m looking for work, I’m lost, scared, alone. Please help me, I’m doing everything I’m supposed to, but I'm still losing everything Including my health.

I may possibly need another surgery, I am having severe PTSD again, the trauma is getting worse again. Please help me, please share this, please offer me work, a place to sleep, advice, resources, please donate, but most of all please share my experience everywhere, you have my permission. Share yours with me, My name is Bryan Evans, I plan on speaking for victims and survivors in the future at some point at my State Capital. This is for us, please listen to me and share this everywhere, I’m being told not to speak up, to stay silent, because that is why no one cares and doesn’t want to help. I was told this is why I’m still suffering. I don’t agree! WE need to talk about it, my story needs to be seen, heard, and talked about. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone can change, everyone can heal. People do recover, I’ve even forgiven my abusers from all forms of abuse over time. People heal, people are victims and then survivors. Abuse is never funny, I will not shut up, I will not be silenced. This is for me, this is for my exes, this is for my abusers, we all deserve peace, we all deserve to heal and recover. This is my experience and I will not hold any hate in my heart for anyone. It’s been years and I’m still healing, with no help from the government, and that needs to change! I can’t even afford a phone card, to receive the calls I need for doctor’s appointments, the system is failing me again, just as it did when I was 15 and needed them the most. Where are my leaders? Please spread my message. I’m just looking for a reason to believe there is still hope in a world that seems lost too.

If you can… please donate, share, talk, start conversations, and lets see what I can do with my pain.