Me and my Therapy baby Sammy.
Please donate...every little bit helps.

Please read this to the end. This is hard for me to get to this point in my life where I have to ask for help. But I desperately need the help also I am hoping this story will help other officers and their families recognize the symptoms of PTSD and what it can do to a person if left untreated.

My name is Stacey Rawlings. I am married with two children, (Currently separated). There are a lot of you that know me and some that do not.

Since my childhood I always wanted to be a Police Officer. I worked hard and met that dream in 1986 at the age of 21. I had a good career and loved helping people and putting bad people away. I was married and had two wonderful children. Then in 1998 something happened that no Police Officer wants to happen, I was in a situation where I had to take another persons life in the line of duty.

That incident changed and effected a lot of peoples lives forever. Mine, my families, and the families of other Police Officers as well as the family of the person whose life I had to take. At the time of this incident our department did not have in place the psychological help that one needs after a traumatic incident like that. I was cleared to go back to work within three days, due to the incident being caught on camera, and went back to work 8 days later. The only symptoms that were immediately apparent was a development of severe anxiety and a sleeping disorder. They stated that was due to a chemical change in my brain due to the endorphin's and chemicals dumped into my brain at the time the incident occurred. Little did I know at the time I was being effected in many ways subconsciously as well. The next symptoms that showed was that I developed depression, anger management issues and excessive weight gain. Between 1998 and 2005 I developed those things I mentioned as well as typeII diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea as well.

In 2005 I suffered a complete mental breakdown and was hospitalized. For the next six months I underwent extensive psychological theropy and was diagnosed at that time with delayed onset extreme PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) which they traced back to the critical incident in 1998. They were able to treat me and found medications that allowed me to go back to work. I retired early in 2007. Since then my family and I have been struggling with all the medical issues and PTSD.

My medical conditions have caused me to have on back operations three years ago effecting my back and two discs. The medicine I am in and inability to exercise has brought me to this point. I have two more discs that are going to need surgery unless I lose a substantial amount of weight. My diabetes is really hard to control and is effecting my health as well also causing my anxiety, depression and PTSD to be effected in a big way. The doctors I have been working with told me that I will need to have weight loss surgery to be able to get my life back and avoid loosing my life.

I am currently on medical leave from my job because of my inability to function due to the PTSD and pain I am in from adima in my legs, diabetes and severe back pain I have. I am pretty much bed ridden at the present time. If I do not have the surgery I doubt I will be here in 1-2 years and currently have no quality of life as of now.

I am asking for help to raise my portion of the two surgeries that will have to be done within the next year to get me back and my life back. If I have the surgeries there is a 98% chance my diabetes will be gone as well as my sleep apnea. It will allow me to lose the weight and be able to enjoy doing things with my family that I have not been able to do for over 10 years. It will also save my life. A portion of what is donated will help my survive financially while going through these next 12-18 months. I am currently behind on bills and am looking to have to have my first surgery within the next 4 weeks.

Please please please share, post, email this to as many people as you can. Thank you all and especially thanks to my my family who have been through so much.