Lori to rest
Donation protected
I'm not even sure what to say right now im so lost.....
My name is Crystal and Lori was my mother and best friend. She left this world april 22nd 2015. She left behind her 2 grown kids myself age 31 and my brother Josh age 33. As well as 7 beautiful grandkids that will never know how funny or strong she was. We didnt have a real big family so her and our dad are really all we had. My mom had a very rough life from the start nothing was ever easy for her and she was never able to forgive and let go of the childhood that huanted her so deeply. She raised us as best as she knew how and we loved her dearly. I cant ever remember a time when she was just my mom, she was always more like my best friend and of coarse with that came many fights and disagreements but she never 1 time shut a door in my face or put me out on the streets. when i came home at 14yrs old pregnant with my now 15 yr old son she just grabbed me in her warm arms and we sat and cried for hours. there isnt another person on this planet who could even take her place. i still cant believe this is happening.........
Lori has battled with severe depression her whole life, with that came substance abuse problems so she could try and not feel the pain and hurt inside of her. since i was a young child i remember many episodes of my mom taking pills or drinking till she blacks out..... well as me and my brother grew and had families of our own my mothers depression got worse and she found a doctor in New Mexico that willingly wrote her any Rx she wanted and as much as she asked for.... over the past 2 years we have made multiple attempts to communicate with the doctor and told her about my moms abuse problem.... and despite being hospitalized 12 times in the last 2 years in a psych ward the neglagent doctor still gave her the pills...... my mom was just here visiting us for a whole month and she didnt have 1 single pill and she was just fine she was my regular mom that i so longed for... the day she went back home her doctor gave her 90 oxycodone and 30 somas....... within the first 72hours of being home she was hospitalized and had to have staples in her arm because she was on so many pills she passed out and fell and cutt herself. At this point I convinced her nieghbor to take her to the hospital and they only kept her 3 days and let her out with new Rx.... The last time I spoke to my mom was on Monday and she told me she was gonna be better but I could hear the pain and loneliness in her voice..... I wanted soo bad to take that pain for her and let her feel happiness and peace. Never would I have anticipated the call I got on wednesday on my way home from work. I had to pull to the shoulder of the freeway to get out and scream. It still doesnt feel real. My mom died very sad and depressed and most painfully alone. When they found her they said her ankle was broken so bad they could see it through her skin, yet she was laying on the couch like maybe she just took a nap and never woke up... I cant help but to wonder what her last thoughts were I dont think she knew she wasnt going to wake up. But its more painful knowing how alone she really was and I cant stop thinking if i'd only called her early that day I could have called 911.
I guess I'll try to sum it up my brother and I live in California and she is in New Mexico its going to be very costly to pay for her to be creamated in New Mexico and we will need to fly back and forth to New Mexico and also we will have to pay to bring her to another state. We are also going to have to go and pack up her trailer and bring it all back to CA. Anything can help in this very difficult time of sadness and sorrow. I hope this story makes sense and can in some way touch your hearts. We will find our way to peace. thank you in advance for anything you can offer even if all you have is prayer!
"Just answer your phone mom please. This isn't real. Why can't I take your pain and sadness away. Why couldn't you just forgive yourself.why couldn't you see how much we needed you. I'm sorry you were so alone inside mom. I'd give anything to bare that pain for you so I can show you how to forgive and let go of the past. I wish I could hold you one last time. When I said goodbye to you at the bus stop and I hugged you for an extra long time then you said, "your acting like your never gonna see me again crystal" well I never would have imagined you'd be right. Oh momma I just don't understand we had such a great time you seemed happy. Mom please just hold my hand and never let go."
"I keep calling your number hoping you'll answer and tell some dramatic story or chaos. I keep checking your Facebook to see if you've posted anything.....why momma please say this is just a nightmare I don't even know what to do with myself. We were closer than mom and daughter we were also best friends. I need you mom."
My name is Crystal and Lori was my mother and best friend. She left this world april 22nd 2015. She left behind her 2 grown kids myself age 31 and my brother Josh age 33. As well as 7 beautiful grandkids that will never know how funny or strong she was. We didnt have a real big family so her and our dad are really all we had. My mom had a very rough life from the start nothing was ever easy for her and she was never able to forgive and let go of the childhood that huanted her so deeply. She raised us as best as she knew how and we loved her dearly. I cant ever remember a time when she was just my mom, she was always more like my best friend and of coarse with that came many fights and disagreements but she never 1 time shut a door in my face or put me out on the streets. when i came home at 14yrs old pregnant with my now 15 yr old son she just grabbed me in her warm arms and we sat and cried for hours. there isnt another person on this planet who could even take her place. i still cant believe this is happening.........
Lori has battled with severe depression her whole life, with that came substance abuse problems so she could try and not feel the pain and hurt inside of her. since i was a young child i remember many episodes of my mom taking pills or drinking till she blacks out..... well as me and my brother grew and had families of our own my mothers depression got worse and she found a doctor in New Mexico that willingly wrote her any Rx she wanted and as much as she asked for.... over the past 2 years we have made multiple attempts to communicate with the doctor and told her about my moms abuse problem.... and despite being hospitalized 12 times in the last 2 years in a psych ward the neglagent doctor still gave her the pills...... my mom was just here visiting us for a whole month and she didnt have 1 single pill and she was just fine she was my regular mom that i so longed for... the day she went back home her doctor gave her 90 oxycodone and 30 somas....... within the first 72hours of being home she was hospitalized and had to have staples in her arm because she was on so many pills she passed out and fell and cutt herself. At this point I convinced her nieghbor to take her to the hospital and they only kept her 3 days and let her out with new Rx.... The last time I spoke to my mom was on Monday and she told me she was gonna be better but I could hear the pain and loneliness in her voice..... I wanted soo bad to take that pain for her and let her feel happiness and peace. Never would I have anticipated the call I got on wednesday on my way home from work. I had to pull to the shoulder of the freeway to get out and scream. It still doesnt feel real. My mom died very sad and depressed and most painfully alone. When they found her they said her ankle was broken so bad they could see it through her skin, yet she was laying on the couch like maybe she just took a nap and never woke up... I cant help but to wonder what her last thoughts were I dont think she knew she wasnt going to wake up. But its more painful knowing how alone she really was and I cant stop thinking if i'd only called her early that day I could have called 911.
I guess I'll try to sum it up my brother and I live in California and she is in New Mexico its going to be very costly to pay for her to be creamated in New Mexico and we will need to fly back and forth to New Mexico and also we will have to pay to bring her to another state. We are also going to have to go and pack up her trailer and bring it all back to CA. Anything can help in this very difficult time of sadness and sorrow. I hope this story makes sense and can in some way touch your hearts. We will find our way to peace. thank you in advance for anything you can offer even if all you have is prayer!
"Just answer your phone mom please. This isn't real. Why can't I take your pain and sadness away. Why couldn't you just forgive yourself.why couldn't you see how much we needed you. I'm sorry you were so alone inside mom. I'd give anything to bare that pain for you so I can show you how to forgive and let go of the past. I wish I could hold you one last time. When I said goodbye to you at the bus stop and I hugged you for an extra long time then you said, "your acting like your never gonna see me again crystal" well I never would have imagined you'd be right. Oh momma I just don't understand we had such a great time you seemed happy. Mom please just hold my hand and never let go."
"I keep calling your number hoping you'll answer and tell some dramatic story or chaos. I keep checking your Facebook to see if you've posted anything.....why momma please say this is just a nightmare I don't even know what to do with myself. We were closer than mom and daughter we were also best friends. I need you mom."
Organizer
Crystal Dawn Payse
Organizer
Corona, CA