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If you are reading this, you most likely know me or someone in my family. My name is Susan Rogers. It was Sue Poppen in my younger years. I am presently on medical leave from my job as a server at Ale’s Steakhouse.
If you haven't read this Go Fund Me post, the reason I am asking for assistance is because on February 5, 2024 I was told I have Stage III squamous cell lung cancer.
So, rather than leaving the original post and adding updates, I am changing this to explain where I am at in this messed up process along with the updates. Forgive me if I am repeating myself. I now blame EVERYTHING on chemo brain rather than the blonde hair. lol
After much contemplation and sleepless nights, I resolved myself to the fact that if I refused chemo and radiation treatments I would likely wind up on hospice within 6 months at the rate the tumor was growing. I feel like I chickened out to what I wanted to do, but at the same time I want to live...so I started chemo and radiation after waiting for 3 months to get the authorization to be treated at USC rather that Bakersfield. Call me a snob, but I feel they are on the cutting edge of research, whereas Bakersfield simply said "all we do is chemo and radiation." I was still on the fence about the treatment when I walked into the chemo guys office. Having had several months to research the possibilities as well as the horrible long term consequences of chemo and radiation, I really thought I wouldn't go through with it. Funny how things change when faced with death. I'm not afraid of dying, however I'd rather it be one of those die in my sleep type deaths than a slow, brutal, suffocate due to cancer death. So I caved and agreed. I figured I could do a week and if I couldn't live with my decision, I could change my mind. Things went about as well as could be expected not knowing what to actually expect. I had a reaction to the chemo. Throat started swelling a bit. Panic stricken nurses surrounding me gave me a hint it may be a bit more serious than I thought it was. It meant they had to slow the drip down to half speed, so now I' d be there another hour! I made it through the treatment and Christina, who had accompanied for my first scary day - helped me settle in to the hotel before driving back to Ridgecrest. A long day for her since we didn't get done until 9pm. I met with the radiation guy the following day, Wednesday. He told me the effects of the chemo wouldn't actually hit until Friday and boy howdy was he right! I thought I was doing ok until Friday morning. It was my 61rst birthday and I was sick as could be. Horrid headache, throwing up. Sores in my throat. Couldn't eat or swallow a thing. And that was it. I was done. I packed up and headed home. I left a message for the cancer coordinator to cancel all future appointments and I missed my radiation appointment. On the drive home, the technician, Vladimir called to ask my ETA since I was late. I told him I was done. I arrived home and crawled into bed, only to have both doctors call to ask what was up. The radiation guy convinced me the treatments would be far better than the ultimate horrid death and after discussing it with several people who love me, I caved again. I went back last week and all was well until Friday - AGAIN! This week the sickness was worse and lasted longer, however I have so much love and support I think I can get through it. Dad is doing the countdown - 4 more weeks to go he says. I guess I can hate my body and my life for 4 weeks. A small price to pay in the big scheme of things. Heading back to start week 3 tomorrow and dreading every bit of it but it could be so much worse. I am so blessed to have so much support from so many directions. I can't thank all of you enough. So, wish me luck! The hair loss seemed to slow down a bit, but from what I understand week 3 is when most lose their hair if they are going to. When I went through menopause - yet another lovely time in my life - I lost my mind to say the least. My hair literally hurt. So I shaved it off. BAD IDEA!! I thought "I am not my hair", until I got rid of it. Yikes, I look awful with a shaved head! People whispered behind my back because they "thought I was sick." Fast forward ten years and here we are. I hope God's sense of humor doesn't make the first time a dress rehearsal! If so, oh well. It will grow back. Curly, they say. I must say no one warned me about the "chemo rage" and "chemo nightmares" I have been experiencing...that is when I can actually sleep. Can't seem to get more than a half an hour and I am up and pacing. I HATE not being able to sleep. Or eat for that matter. I just want to sleep through this entire thing but thus far, no such luck. I am hopeful I can get a sleeping pill of some sort tomorrow. So, that is where I am at in this messed up ordeal. Thank you all so much for the support with my Go Fund me. It has helped me to make ends meet thus far. Everything takes time, including disability but SDI eventually came through. I burned through that in record time! I have sworn off credit cards through this. I canceled one this morning when I asked what the interest rate was and she replied "31.24%". REALLY?! I was stupid and paid all of them off in the beginning of this thinking it would ease the burden (thanks to Mom and Dad), when I should have used it to my advantage and negotiated the balances based on the "I have cancer and either negotiate or when I die you will get nothing." It did ease a huge burden, but in retrospect I really should have played it differently. Silly me. My brain was so overwhelmed at the time I just wasn't thinking. In any case, I don't know how people afford to live in Los Angeles. I guess it's no worse than life in general, but when you are displaced it seems you wind up having to buy things you normally wouldn't. At least on my good days I can hit the Goodwill and consignment shops! I love those second hand stores! Nothing like a great deal!! Anyways, again, thanks so much for the support! It has and continues to help with my housing costs. The first hotel was $300 a night! I shopped for an Air BnB and found it much more accommodating and way less depressing, but they still average around $900 a week which doesn't include fuel, food or parking, etc. Thank goodness for Mom and Dad and all of you! I am eternally grateful. Signing off. It is late and I have to leave early. Thanks for reading. Suzi xxo
Oh, and that little blue Miata is for sale! She's a beauty!
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