(Updated on Match 26,2017)
I am moved into my host family's home. Quite comfortably. Now begins the effort to build enough to move into a place of my own. That does still present a challenge, as I'm struggling to put in the kinds of hours necessary to support myself and my family.(My children don't live with me)
As with all things done in angst and haste, I wasn't able to manage having everything I need make it here with me. Some precious things were left behind...VitaMix blender, slow cooker; something's were broken along the way like the little saxophone coffee mug my sister gave me that I used daily to keep my reeds wet. The past few days have seen me several times throwing away treasured but broken possessions. The video update I posted earlier this morning informs about all that.
Bottom line is, the hard part begins now...working my way out of this temporary abode and into a place better suited for my kids to visit. Thanks for all your love, support, sacrifices and prayers! I have needed all of those and you have supplied them. I appreciate that though I am broken, you guys haven't thrown me away.
-------------------------------------
(story updated on March 16, 2017 )
As of 9:30Am 3/20/2017 I've only been funded $300 towards the $5000 needed to abort the eviction tomorrow. ($6310 was funded last 5months ago to prevent housing issues in the fall)
I am still short $4k+ for my current obstacle.
------------------------
I don't know what to say. This is embarrassing. Some call it begging for money, some say try to handle this privately. Unfortunately, I am not able to do differently than this. If you hate reading or don't have time you to hear all of this, skip my story and go to the last bit marked BOTTOM LINE.(M
Ive done my best to make it happen using what I have. I have also done what I need to do to maintain my sanity.(I mean literally) So I have protected myself enough that I appear functional. I am good at that; kind of like the kid in Get Out at the dinner party....I can greet and nod yes, go along with who ever is talking the loudest or taking over the present conversation and appear to be there when really I'm going through all manner of issues physically and mentally.
I can do things. I'm functional to a point. I don't get to determine where that line is and I do approach some things cautiously as I'm not able to rely on how my mind and body react to different stressors...what I'm hoping to convey about it is of course major stressors cause issues but I'm talking about things that most people are able to take for granted...like the squeaky brakes on the neighbors truck. It doesn't just catch my attention, it doesn't jut annoy me...it stops my thought process because of the searing pain...and there are days when I only hear it but it doesn't shut me down. I don't get know when it will be too intense until it's happening. That's just one example of 100s(externally and internally) of things that occur in a regular day. So I walk through life with multiple thought streams, one is just like everybody else ...do what needs to be done, the other is monitoring how I'm doing, the other is watching for stressors...so I can avoid them, not get worn down before I can do what needs to be done. Overall, day to day, week to week, month to month...I am not able...yet. I don't want to say that, to admit that I am not able. Not because of pride but because I believe in myself and I feel so close.... But the results, say that...inability. Me? I'm still fighting. And will keep fightIng, I don't accept inability as I believe I can always make an attempt somehow and as soon as I can.i can get up and try again. And again.
So I have been drivng Uber/Lyft...the hours are flexible and I can shut it down when I'm crossing the inability threshold. I have not been able to drive everyday to meet my needs. No matter how much I want to or how much I try. Once I'm over the threshold, for my own safety and the safety of others, I have to stop. I resume when I can...result? I make enough to keep driving...the cellphone ,food(I recieve food stamps) and gas in the car. On rides, I'm good...my natural charming self, attuned to entertaining 'the audience.' I get great reviews from passengers, feel some fulfillment in helping them with their day and have an excellent rating on both platforms. But, I'm forced to observe my limits...which come too soon. My brain and/or my body just crap out on me. If I push beyond the threshold, I have a much longer recooperation...which means two or three days doing nothing. Best money is thurs-Sun...three days off means missing the money. If I worked a typical part time job, I'd have the same problem of not enough income to cover my obligations and I wouldn't be able to manage what to do when the threshold is low, if the brain/body craps out at a job that I can't walk away from....? My former lecturer position at IU was fairly flexible and there were ways for me to manage around my ailments...for a time.
So I've attempted to be very transparent about all this both in this GoFundMe quest, my facebook posts and thirdly in communications you may have had with me. The last few months, I've done my best to make the ridesharing thing work, hoping that the great city of New Orleans and her active international schedule would be a way for me to handle my affairs. It works for those who can work it. The casual, insignificant interactions have been engaging, brief and rewardingly uneventful. This past few months Ive been out of the apartment,engaging more and at least feeling like I am a productive part of this vibrant city's magic.
BOTTOM LINE
On this coming Tuesday, I go to eviction court. Its Pay $5000.00 or get out..it seems ill have 24-48hrs after the hearing. I have no defense, nothing to argue, so as my financials stand currently...I'll be out. I have no place to put 3 bedrooms and garage worth of stuff...or a way to move it.
At my doctor's suggestion a month ago, Ive filed for disability. The only person I know who receives disability(or was approved) received it this year ..she started her process in 2014!!!! And of course with the current Oval Office, perhaps the Medicaid 'disability' label will change to 'useless' and that well may be dry for me and other people in need. I don't really understand how disability works,has worked or will work in my own life. I'm following the Dr.'s(neurologist) recommendation.
...Again, I do not like it, don't want all this... I won't stop making effort on behalf of children,family and promises Ive made to myself. Until a decision is made and if it is made positively about disability, I have to keep trying. My instruments are for sell. Performing on saxophone has kept me alive for decades ...Im not giving up music.
It was and is a lifetime commitment. Just planning to let my instruments go, get less costly ones and use the difference to chip away at my living expenses. They aren't selling quickly enough.
So, Im re requesting help with 5days to go. Hoping that between the sell of instruments and any help the GoFundMe community can provide, I can make through. The worst thought is that eithout this apartment, I don't have a place for my kids to visit...my daughter has been texting me how she wants to visit me at my place...Ive gone to visit them mostly the past few times. :). Losing the apartment may then make the legal responsibilities of being separated from them worse than it already is. Its been too long since they were here...not seeing them daily is hard enough.
If you can help, please consider it.
____________________________________________________________***********************************************************The text below is from summer and fall of 2016
**********************************************************
___________________________________________________________
It's months after my initial request found below. All is not well. Internet is off and phone is next. No job. I'm selling my instruments so I that have gas and food money. This is so ridiculous. When my phone goes off, I am completely cut off. Based on my experience in my body and mind...every path I see ends in inability to function...every thing I commit to ends in inability to function. I keep making the attempt but can't bridge between the attempt and the long pushed when I have to stop to recover from making efforts. I don't see any job I can do nor that covers my expenses. My rent is good through Sept. My utilities not so much.
Everything there is to do relys on me alone. I don't have a personal assistant to help me remember important things or remember them on time. Even what I remember at 9AM I forget by 10Am but then remember at 9pm even though the appointment was at 3pm. I can't rely on my mind and no system I've tried to implement works even when I'm really really focused on it. I am not proving able to manage it all. I have a couple days food. 1/4 tank gas. My mind is like an amazing computer the mother board is fast, multiple apps open but they all stall and the keyboard and mouse don't seem to do much , long lags between responses and memory. It turns on, chimes and looks functional. The drives spins, the lights blink. It has power it has processing power but I can't use it. It's not robust enough to switch between things or resume things and requires multiple reboots. I have no other way to say it but that I have done my best with what I have. I am very disappointed. I am ashamed even though I've done what I can do. I am very afraid of the coming digital dark because I lose all access to family and friends that way and it's been the only thing keeping me believing I am able,connected and positively active.
I'm out' -Nate 8/30/2016
INITIAl REQUESt:
Well, you guys know me-Nate and some know me as Fareed. I'm attempting to raise money for survival. As you know I was in a car accident in 2008(I'll link the photos to later) that has left me with some serious issues that I am struggling to overcome. The bottom line currently is that I dont have what it takes to take care of myself and I have no support. The money I'm seeking is to help me fisnih out the year at my current apartment. I need rent/bills money, food/gas money(I will be out of food in 4 days). I also need help cleaning my apartment..I cant keep up. Without this money, I will be homeless in 45days. So, my situation is dire and immediate. Thanks to my family, my van is being worked on ($4,000). It is only worth $2500. I moved to New Orleans as a last ditch effort to rehabilitate my mind and my body, to put my self in an environment where I can reestablish my roots as a musician and possibly become strong enough to even take on teachign again. I have exhausted all of my retirement money to make it this far since leaving my job in May 2014. I havent worked since then. Because of my financial and health situation I havent been able to get out and create opportunites for myself. If you follow me at all on Facebook, you know I've spent a great portion of my hours creatively writing and attempting to inspire others. But now, I am the one who is in the deep hour of need. I have doctors that are good, I have new medicines that I cant afford and the cost of Xrays,MRI's and etc has already eclipsed my ability to keep up. I wish I could say I am seeking funding becausae I am trying to finsih a recording project or book of poetry and for sure, I will continue working on those things if I can get clear of worrying about how to survie each day. ...This is hard to do, ask for money, as my self-image is one of strength, flexibility and giving yet, I need your help to just survive.
I am moved into my host family's home. Quite comfortably. Now begins the effort to build enough to move into a place of my own. That does still present a challenge, as I'm struggling to put in the kinds of hours necessary to support myself and my family.(My children don't live with me)
As with all things done in angst and haste, I wasn't able to manage having everything I need make it here with me. Some precious things were left behind...VitaMix blender, slow cooker; something's were broken along the way like the little saxophone coffee mug my sister gave me that I used daily to keep my reeds wet. The past few days have seen me several times throwing away treasured but broken possessions. The video update I posted earlier this morning informs about all that.
Bottom line is, the hard part begins now...working my way out of this temporary abode and into a place better suited for my kids to visit. Thanks for all your love, support, sacrifices and prayers! I have needed all of those and you have supplied them. I appreciate that though I am broken, you guys haven't thrown me away.
-------------------------------------
(story updated on March 16, 2017 )
As of 9:30Am 3/20/2017 I've only been funded $300 towards the $5000 needed to abort the eviction tomorrow. ($6310 was funded last 5months ago to prevent housing issues in the fall)
I am still short $4k+ for my current obstacle.
------------------------
I don't know what to say. This is embarrassing. Some call it begging for money, some say try to handle this privately. Unfortunately, I am not able to do differently than this. If you hate reading or don't have time you to hear all of this, skip my story and go to the last bit marked BOTTOM LINE.(M
Ive done my best to make it happen using what I have. I have also done what I need to do to maintain my sanity.(I mean literally) So I have protected myself enough that I appear functional. I am good at that; kind of like the kid in Get Out at the dinner party....I can greet and nod yes, go along with who ever is talking the loudest or taking over the present conversation and appear to be there when really I'm going through all manner of issues physically and mentally.
I can do things. I'm functional to a point. I don't get to determine where that line is and I do approach some things cautiously as I'm not able to rely on how my mind and body react to different stressors...what I'm hoping to convey about it is of course major stressors cause issues but I'm talking about things that most people are able to take for granted...like the squeaky brakes on the neighbors truck. It doesn't just catch my attention, it doesn't jut annoy me...it stops my thought process because of the searing pain...and there are days when I only hear it but it doesn't shut me down. I don't get know when it will be too intense until it's happening. That's just one example of 100s(externally and internally) of things that occur in a regular day. So I walk through life with multiple thought streams, one is just like everybody else ...do what needs to be done, the other is monitoring how I'm doing, the other is watching for stressors...so I can avoid them, not get worn down before I can do what needs to be done. Overall, day to day, week to week, month to month...I am not able...yet. I don't want to say that, to admit that I am not able. Not because of pride but because I believe in myself and I feel so close.... But the results, say that...inability. Me? I'm still fighting. And will keep fightIng, I don't accept inability as I believe I can always make an attempt somehow and as soon as I can.i can get up and try again. And again.
So I have been drivng Uber/Lyft...the hours are flexible and I can shut it down when I'm crossing the inability threshold. I have not been able to drive everyday to meet my needs. No matter how much I want to or how much I try. Once I'm over the threshold, for my own safety and the safety of others, I have to stop. I resume when I can...result? I make enough to keep driving...the cellphone ,food(I recieve food stamps) and gas in the car. On rides, I'm good...my natural charming self, attuned to entertaining 'the audience.' I get great reviews from passengers, feel some fulfillment in helping them with their day and have an excellent rating on both platforms. But, I'm forced to observe my limits...which come too soon. My brain and/or my body just crap out on me. If I push beyond the threshold, I have a much longer recooperation...which means two or three days doing nothing. Best money is thurs-Sun...three days off means missing the money. If I worked a typical part time job, I'd have the same problem of not enough income to cover my obligations and I wouldn't be able to manage what to do when the threshold is low, if the brain/body craps out at a job that I can't walk away from....? My former lecturer position at IU was fairly flexible and there were ways for me to manage around my ailments...for a time.
So I've attempted to be very transparent about all this both in this GoFundMe quest, my facebook posts and thirdly in communications you may have had with me. The last few months, I've done my best to make the ridesharing thing work, hoping that the great city of New Orleans and her active international schedule would be a way for me to handle my affairs. It works for those who can work it. The casual, insignificant interactions have been engaging, brief and rewardingly uneventful. This past few months Ive been out of the apartment,engaging more and at least feeling like I am a productive part of this vibrant city's magic.
BOTTOM LINE
On this coming Tuesday, I go to eviction court. Its Pay $5000.00 or get out..it seems ill have 24-48hrs after the hearing. I have no defense, nothing to argue, so as my financials stand currently...I'll be out. I have no place to put 3 bedrooms and garage worth of stuff...or a way to move it.
At my doctor's suggestion a month ago, Ive filed for disability. The only person I know who receives disability(or was approved) received it this year ..she started her process in 2014!!!! And of course with the current Oval Office, perhaps the Medicaid 'disability' label will change to 'useless' and that well may be dry for me and other people in need. I don't really understand how disability works,has worked or will work in my own life. I'm following the Dr.'s(neurologist) recommendation.
...Again, I do not like it, don't want all this... I won't stop making effort on behalf of children,family and promises Ive made to myself. Until a decision is made and if it is made positively about disability, I have to keep trying. My instruments are for sell. Performing on saxophone has kept me alive for decades ...Im not giving up music.
It was and is a lifetime commitment. Just planning to let my instruments go, get less costly ones and use the difference to chip away at my living expenses. They aren't selling quickly enough.
So, Im re requesting help with 5days to go. Hoping that between the sell of instruments and any help the GoFundMe community can provide, I can make through. The worst thought is that eithout this apartment, I don't have a place for my kids to visit...my daughter has been texting me how she wants to visit me at my place...Ive gone to visit them mostly the past few times. :). Losing the apartment may then make the legal responsibilities of being separated from them worse than it already is. Its been too long since they were here...not seeing them daily is hard enough.
If you can help, please consider it.
____________________________________________________________***********************************************************The text below is from summer and fall of 2016
**********************************************************
___________________________________________________________
It's months after my initial request found below. All is not well. Internet is off and phone is next. No job. I'm selling my instruments so I that have gas and food money. This is so ridiculous. When my phone goes off, I am completely cut off. Based on my experience in my body and mind...every path I see ends in inability to function...every thing I commit to ends in inability to function. I keep making the attempt but can't bridge between the attempt and the long pushed when I have to stop to recover from making efforts. I don't see any job I can do nor that covers my expenses. My rent is good through Sept. My utilities not so much.
Everything there is to do relys on me alone. I don't have a personal assistant to help me remember important things or remember them on time. Even what I remember at 9AM I forget by 10Am but then remember at 9pm even though the appointment was at 3pm. I can't rely on my mind and no system I've tried to implement works even when I'm really really focused on it. I am not proving able to manage it all. I have a couple days food. 1/4 tank gas. My mind is like an amazing computer the mother board is fast, multiple apps open but they all stall and the keyboard and mouse don't seem to do much , long lags between responses and memory. It turns on, chimes and looks functional. The drives spins, the lights blink. It has power it has processing power but I can't use it. It's not robust enough to switch between things or resume things and requires multiple reboots. I have no other way to say it but that I have done my best with what I have. I am very disappointed. I am ashamed even though I've done what I can do. I am very afraid of the coming digital dark because I lose all access to family and friends that way and it's been the only thing keeping me believing I am able,connected and positively active.
I'm out' -Nate 8/30/2016
INITIAl REQUESt:
Well, you guys know me-Nate and some know me as Fareed. I'm attempting to raise money for survival. As you know I was in a car accident in 2008(I'll link the photos to later) that has left me with some serious issues that I am struggling to overcome. The bottom line currently is that I dont have what it takes to take care of myself and I have no support. The money I'm seeking is to help me fisnih out the year at my current apartment. I need rent/bills money, food/gas money(I will be out of food in 4 days). I also need help cleaning my apartment..I cant keep up. Without this money, I will be homeless in 45days. So, my situation is dire and immediate. Thanks to my family, my van is being worked on ($4,000). It is only worth $2500. I moved to New Orleans as a last ditch effort to rehabilitate my mind and my body, to put my self in an environment where I can reestablish my roots as a musician and possibly become strong enough to even take on teachign again. I have exhausted all of my retirement money to make it this far since leaving my job in May 2014. I havent worked since then. Because of my financial and health situation I havent been able to get out and create opportunites for myself. If you follow me at all on Facebook, you know I've spent a great portion of my hours creatively writing and attempting to inspire others. But now, I am the one who is in the deep hour of need. I have doctors that are good, I have new medicines that I cant afford and the cost of Xrays,MRI's and etc has already eclipsed my ability to keep up. I wish I could say I am seeking funding becausae I am trying to finsih a recording project or book of poetry and for sure, I will continue working on those things if I can get clear of worrying about how to survie each day. ...This is hard to do, ask for money, as my self-image is one of strength, flexibility and giving yet, I need your help to just survive.