SJB - 1 Year Anniversary
Donation protected
On the 8th of May last year, I woke up on a sunny Monday morning in Melbourne, Australia. Before I got up out of bed, I checked my phone to find out the score in the Liverpool match that had been on the night before.
The first news story’s headline read “Rail services have been suspended this evening” and the tagline said that an incident had taken place at the train station in Skerries (my hometown in Ireland).
‘Oh, no...’ I recall thinking to myself ‘this sounds like a suicide, I hope it’s not someone I know!'
I did a quick check on social media to see if the name of a person had been released. Not much information, ‘I’ll find out later I suppose’. I swiped on to the next news story, Liverpool 0 Southampton 0.
I didn’t bother to read the match report, I just locked my phone and went about my normal morning routine.
Later that morning, while out of the office at a work event, my manager contacted me to say that my girlfriend, Laura, had called and was sick and that I needed to go home urgently.
I remember thinking it was odd that she hadn’t tried to contact me directly.
I called her to find out how she was, she was able to talk so I didn't think she could be too bad, but she pleaded for me to go back to our apartment.
I could tell from her voice, something really wasn’t right.
I booked an Uber and quickly handed over my work to a colleague and dashed out.
As I waited by the kerbside loads of things went through my mind...
Had one of the grandparents passed away?
They are quite elderly and had been ill - perhaps that could be it.
Could it involve my sister, Sarah?
She’d made an unsuccessful attempt on her life about 7 years ago, but she’d been doing great ever since - couldn’t be that.
Maybe the bad news could be on Laura’s side?
Maybe Laura is actually sick herself? I dunno…
Then, I thought of the news story I’d read, about the train service being suspended...Sarah!
Thinking about it made me anxious, I decided to distract myself by making small talk with the driver. The thought grew in the back of my mind, and I vividly remember getting out of the car, walking up to our apartment and seeing my girlfriend’s distressed face.
'Is it Sarah?', I asked.
'You need to call your dad', she said. That horrible thought had become all-consuming by now.
I was handed the phone and could hear my dad’s voice.
'David...it’s Sarah, she’s done it this time…'
I think he said something else after that, but I didn’t hear it, I was numb, distraught, devastated.
A year on, the shock of her death is still difficult to comprehend.
Sarah Jane Branagan, or SJB, as she is affectionately known to her friends, had a healthy diet and was physically fit; she had close friends and family and had an exciting social life; she was gifted academically and had a promising career; she took part in a variety of hobbies and won medals across a range of sports; she travelled abroad to North America and Asia, and had booked her next summer holiday to Europe. Externally, Sarah appeared to have it all.
Internally it was a different story. In 2011, at the age of 18, on the eve of her mock exams, Sarah made that first attempt and thankfully failed. She was brought to the hospital, saw some of the country’s top counsellors, and she appeared to recover, even going on to do the exams, and complete a business degree at university.
Then, on a sunny Sunday evening last May, three days after her 25th birthday, and two weeks before a set of accountancy exams, the darkness took over until Sarah could no longer see past it, and she made a choice to end the pain she felt.
Whether we blame exam pressures, unrealistic expectations she put upon herself, or something else, the common denominator is mental ill-health.
With hindsight, I believe she never really dealt with her issues from the first attempt. She was put in front of all the professionals you would want for a loved one at the time, but she told them all she was ‘fine’. She had wanted to end her life, she didn't want this attention. It was an uncomfortable situation and the quickest way out was being ‘fine’. Thinking about it now, it's clear Sarah saw help, but she hadn't sought it. The crucial difference is willpower.
I am now too late to help Sarah through her troubles. To encourage her to ask for help for herself. The recurring thought that I could and should have done more for my younger sister will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I try to be positive. With her life, she inspires me to live a life full of love, friendships, fun and experiences - like she lived hers.
And with her death, she empowers me to help others to do their best to avoid her plight.
In the note she left, she said, 'I will become a statistic, but please be better than me, do better than me, don’t be a statistic'.
Please let her words, and mine, encourage you, to help yourself (and your loved ones) in acknowledging what’s going on in your own head (and theirs) and to ask for help before it’s all too late.
There are people out there who are trained and willing to help, do what my sister didn't, and seek help if it's needed.
You don’t want to go through what my sister Sarah did, alone.
And you don’t want to go through what I go through, not without feeling you gave it your best shot.
With Sarah's first anniversary now upon us, I’d like to use it as an opportunity to raise awareness of suicide, and the suicide prevention services available (contact details below); to raise money to support these services; and, to encourage everyone to make an extra effort to look after themselves and their loved ones.
As a family, we’ve been involved with three organisations (details below) in the past year, who either work to address the stigma attached to mental health or support the people who have come forward for help. If you’re in a position to support them financially it would be greatly appreciated.
Today is my birthday, and each year I get a card from my siblings. To the untrained eye, the card I opened this morning doesn’t appear to be much different. Sarah’s name is where it always is, but unlike all previous years, it’s not her signature. It didn’t have to be this way.
If you are concerned about a loved one or you need to chat with someone you can contact:
> Pieta House
1800 247 247 FREEPHONE 24 Hours or Text HELP to 51444 (text costs 10c)
> Samaritans
116 123 FREEPHONE 24 Hours or Text 087 2 60 90 90 or Email jo@samaritans.ie
Thank you for reading, donating and sharing,
David Branagan
PS - A huge thank you to those who have supported our family over the past year - your thoughts, words and actions mean so much to us.
PPS - The three organisations who will receive all monies are:
1. Cycle Against Suicide
Cycle Against Suicide is a national awareness charity that strives to break down the barriers to mental health illness and works to increase awareness of the supports and treatments that are available to empower those affected.
On the 7th of May, Sarah’s anniversary, a group of Sarah's family and friends are taking part in the Cycle Against Suicide. We will be cycling from Lucan to Swords, where the Cycle Against Suicide will finish its final stage. From there, our group will cycle from Swords to Skerries, visiting Sarah’s grave along the way.
2. Pieta House, Preventing Suicide and Self Harm
Pieta House is a non-profit organisation providing a specialised treatment programme for people who have suicidal ideation or who participate in self-harming behaviours
On the 12th of May, we will be taking part in Darkness Into Light Skerries to raise money for Pieta House and to give hope to those who need it. Pieta House provided their services to Sarah back in 2011, and have provided bereavement services to our family in the past year.
3. Skerries Youth Support Services
Skerries Youth Support Services is a local organisation which aims to help young people by providing information and promoting understanding of the challenges facing young people within our community.
I recently began volunteering with them, and they are currently seeking funds to retain the local youth counselling service.
Thank you.
The first news story’s headline read “Rail services have been suspended this evening” and the tagline said that an incident had taken place at the train station in Skerries (my hometown in Ireland).
‘Oh, no...’ I recall thinking to myself ‘this sounds like a suicide, I hope it’s not someone I know!'
I did a quick check on social media to see if the name of a person had been released. Not much information, ‘I’ll find out later I suppose’. I swiped on to the next news story, Liverpool 0 Southampton 0.
I didn’t bother to read the match report, I just locked my phone and went about my normal morning routine.
Later that morning, while out of the office at a work event, my manager contacted me to say that my girlfriend, Laura, had called and was sick and that I needed to go home urgently.
I remember thinking it was odd that she hadn’t tried to contact me directly.
I called her to find out how she was, she was able to talk so I didn't think she could be too bad, but she pleaded for me to go back to our apartment.
I could tell from her voice, something really wasn’t right.
I booked an Uber and quickly handed over my work to a colleague and dashed out.
As I waited by the kerbside loads of things went through my mind...
Had one of the grandparents passed away?
They are quite elderly and had been ill - perhaps that could be it.
Could it involve my sister, Sarah?
She’d made an unsuccessful attempt on her life about 7 years ago, but she’d been doing great ever since - couldn’t be that.
Maybe the bad news could be on Laura’s side?
Maybe Laura is actually sick herself? I dunno…
Then, I thought of the news story I’d read, about the train service being suspended...Sarah!
Thinking about it made me anxious, I decided to distract myself by making small talk with the driver. The thought grew in the back of my mind, and I vividly remember getting out of the car, walking up to our apartment and seeing my girlfriend’s distressed face.
'Is it Sarah?', I asked.
'You need to call your dad', she said. That horrible thought had become all-consuming by now.
I was handed the phone and could hear my dad’s voice.
'David...it’s Sarah, she’s done it this time…'
I think he said something else after that, but I didn’t hear it, I was numb, distraught, devastated.
A year on, the shock of her death is still difficult to comprehend.
Sarah Jane Branagan, or SJB, as she is affectionately known to her friends, had a healthy diet and was physically fit; she had close friends and family and had an exciting social life; she was gifted academically and had a promising career; she took part in a variety of hobbies and won medals across a range of sports; she travelled abroad to North America and Asia, and had booked her next summer holiday to Europe. Externally, Sarah appeared to have it all.
Internally it was a different story. In 2011, at the age of 18, on the eve of her mock exams, Sarah made that first attempt and thankfully failed. She was brought to the hospital, saw some of the country’s top counsellors, and she appeared to recover, even going on to do the exams, and complete a business degree at university.
Then, on a sunny Sunday evening last May, three days after her 25th birthday, and two weeks before a set of accountancy exams, the darkness took over until Sarah could no longer see past it, and she made a choice to end the pain she felt.
Whether we blame exam pressures, unrealistic expectations she put upon herself, or something else, the common denominator is mental ill-health.
With hindsight, I believe she never really dealt with her issues from the first attempt. She was put in front of all the professionals you would want for a loved one at the time, but she told them all she was ‘fine’. She had wanted to end her life, she didn't want this attention. It was an uncomfortable situation and the quickest way out was being ‘fine’. Thinking about it now, it's clear Sarah saw help, but she hadn't sought it. The crucial difference is willpower.
I am now too late to help Sarah through her troubles. To encourage her to ask for help for herself. The recurring thought that I could and should have done more for my younger sister will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I try to be positive. With her life, she inspires me to live a life full of love, friendships, fun and experiences - like she lived hers.
And with her death, she empowers me to help others to do their best to avoid her plight.
In the note she left, she said, 'I will become a statistic, but please be better than me, do better than me, don’t be a statistic'.
Please let her words, and mine, encourage you, to help yourself (and your loved ones) in acknowledging what’s going on in your own head (and theirs) and to ask for help before it’s all too late.
There are people out there who are trained and willing to help, do what my sister didn't, and seek help if it's needed.
You don’t want to go through what my sister Sarah did, alone.
And you don’t want to go through what I go through, not without feeling you gave it your best shot.
With Sarah's first anniversary now upon us, I’d like to use it as an opportunity to raise awareness of suicide, and the suicide prevention services available (contact details below); to raise money to support these services; and, to encourage everyone to make an extra effort to look after themselves and their loved ones.
As a family, we’ve been involved with three organisations (details below) in the past year, who either work to address the stigma attached to mental health or support the people who have come forward for help. If you’re in a position to support them financially it would be greatly appreciated.
Today is my birthday, and each year I get a card from my siblings. To the untrained eye, the card I opened this morning doesn’t appear to be much different. Sarah’s name is where it always is, but unlike all previous years, it’s not her signature. It didn’t have to be this way.
If you are concerned about a loved one or you need to chat with someone you can contact:
> Pieta House
1800 247 247 FREEPHONE 24 Hours or Text HELP to 51444 (text costs 10c)
> Samaritans
116 123 FREEPHONE 24 Hours or Text 087 2 60 90 90 or Email jo@samaritans.ie
Thank you for reading, donating and sharing,
David Branagan
PS - A huge thank you to those who have supported our family over the past year - your thoughts, words and actions mean so much to us.
PPS - The three organisations who will receive all monies are:
1. Cycle Against Suicide
Cycle Against Suicide is a national awareness charity that strives to break down the barriers to mental health illness and works to increase awareness of the supports and treatments that are available to empower those affected.
On the 7th of May, Sarah’s anniversary, a group of Sarah's family and friends are taking part in the Cycle Against Suicide. We will be cycling from Lucan to Swords, where the Cycle Against Suicide will finish its final stage. From there, our group will cycle from Swords to Skerries, visiting Sarah’s grave along the way.
2. Pieta House, Preventing Suicide and Self Harm
Pieta House is a non-profit organisation providing a specialised treatment programme for people who have suicidal ideation or who participate in self-harming behaviours
On the 12th of May, we will be taking part in Darkness Into Light Skerries to raise money for Pieta House and to give hope to those who need it. Pieta House provided their services to Sarah back in 2011, and have provided bereavement services to our family in the past year.
3. Skerries Youth Support Services
Skerries Youth Support Services is a local organisation which aims to help young people by providing information and promoting understanding of the challenges facing young people within our community.
I recently began volunteering with them, and they are currently seeking funds to retain the local youth counselling service.
Thank you.
Organizer
David Branagan
Organizer