On November 21, 2013 I had an abusive partner (Shane) removed from my home by police. That morning he held a fist to my forehead and restrained my head to the wall; he held his other fist inches away from my temple and threatened “you better shut up or I’m gonna f***ing cold cock you”. Ten years later and I am still trying to save my home and my existence from his abuse. Before I met this man, I had a home, RRSPs, life insurance, a vehicle, a strong and providing job, a decent credit rating and most of all, a chance. I tried to be fair and equitable and wanted to settle matters quickly but that was not to be the case. He wanted everything. Many events occurred within those first four months but two actions he committed have pretty much destroyed me emotionally and financially.
It is true this man suffers from mental illness and addiction issues. I myself have not had a drink in over 18 years but do not suffer from mental health issues. I am tired, exhausted, spent, and worn out from the battles to save my life, family, and home…
At the very onset, I offered Shane half of the property and a workable, reasonable parenting arrangement. He refused and instead put liens against my Durango and the family home. He has never paid a dime in support (and never will – he pretty much immediately quit working upon the breakup and has been receiving disability since). So in essence, this man refused to settle, has never paid a dime, and then put liens against me as well. The liens should have been a matter of due course to have removed but Shane’s subsequent criminal and violent actions against me rendered that option difficult to attain - as I stated there were two actions which pretty much destroyed me. The second action was on March 10, 2014. Shane forced entry into my home and physically attacked me. He knocked me to the floor, nearly broke my left wrist as he straddled me and bent that wrist back. He got off me only to go upstairs where my children were and I managed to get between him and my kids. He knocked me to the stairs and stomped on my head several times with his boots. Then, while I was still struggling to keep him from getting to my children, he choked me. My oldest child witnessed the entire assault and called 9-1-1. I was able to hang onto Shane’s pants and he dragged me up the stairs where suddenly he turned and left the house. He came back minutes later and caught me at the stairs again where he put his finger in my face and said “I’m going to f***ing kill you”. He stole my Durango when he left the yard. It was this turn of events that made my situation go from bad to worst, where I still struggle today. Shane was in the child protection, family law, and criminal law courts and because I am the mother of our child, I was also caught in the tangled mess. Shane was jumping back and forth from Legal Aid to private counsel to self-representation (he was denied specifically on the criminal assault matters which resulted in eight charges against him - it was his intent to “cross examine” me when the case went to trial, further evidence that his abuse did not end with his removal from my home); this lawyer jumping and changes in what matters which counsel would represent impacted my ability to remove the liens.
I have never stopped working and have three part-time jobs currently. I have stopped reaching out to people because it is so very discouraging. As I’m sure many survivors and single parents do, I have encountered judgement, criticism, and blame. Disbelief that this could be my lot for so long. I have experienced it from “friends”, people in general, and most sad of all, family. It is impossible for people to comprehend my story – they do not understand the impact of the liens (I was unable to consolidate and by the time I had the liens removed, the financial and credit damage was pretty significant), withholding/non-payment of support, no restitution for victims, and the financial load I was immediately responsible for when everything doubled as I suddenly became sole provider with no recourse from social programs. They do not understand that my Durango which Shane stole while under the influence of unknown substances the night of the assault also had his lien against it; when the vehicle was located it had sustained transmission damage which led to further complications. In the end, my Durango was stolen and wrecked by Shane and because of his lien against me (the vehicle), it was rendered worth zero dollars when I needed to replace it. This and so many other battles that resulted from Shane’s abuses against me. But over all of Shane’s actions, there is more. I am Metis. Almost every day I encounter situations where I am ignored, talked over, dismissed, and accused - I feel as though people do not see past my brown skin and aboriginal features. Although I breathe, I count myself a kindred amongst the MMIWG as a result of this “invisibleness”.
But I am a Warrior. I am not done fighting yet. Please learn more about me, my family, my story… I am humbled by asking but I have survived more humiliating experiences at the hands of others.
TikTok: Muminum_In_Canada
EF Tours: account.eftours.ca/donations/K07vmz
It is true this man suffers from mental illness and addiction issues. I myself have not had a drink in over 18 years but do not suffer from mental health issues. I am tired, exhausted, spent, and worn out from the battles to save my life, family, and home…
At the very onset, I offered Shane half of the property and a workable, reasonable parenting arrangement. He refused and instead put liens against my Durango and the family home. He has never paid a dime in support (and never will – he pretty much immediately quit working upon the breakup and has been receiving disability since). So in essence, this man refused to settle, has never paid a dime, and then put liens against me as well. The liens should have been a matter of due course to have removed but Shane’s subsequent criminal and violent actions against me rendered that option difficult to attain - as I stated there were two actions which pretty much destroyed me. The second action was on March 10, 2014. Shane forced entry into my home and physically attacked me. He knocked me to the floor, nearly broke my left wrist as he straddled me and bent that wrist back. He got off me only to go upstairs where my children were and I managed to get between him and my kids. He knocked me to the stairs and stomped on my head several times with his boots. Then, while I was still struggling to keep him from getting to my children, he choked me. My oldest child witnessed the entire assault and called 9-1-1. I was able to hang onto Shane’s pants and he dragged me up the stairs where suddenly he turned and left the house. He came back minutes later and caught me at the stairs again where he put his finger in my face and said “I’m going to f***ing kill you”. He stole my Durango when he left the yard. It was this turn of events that made my situation go from bad to worst, where I still struggle today. Shane was in the child protection, family law, and criminal law courts and because I am the mother of our child, I was also caught in the tangled mess. Shane was jumping back and forth from Legal Aid to private counsel to self-representation (he was denied specifically on the criminal assault matters which resulted in eight charges against him - it was his intent to “cross examine” me when the case went to trial, further evidence that his abuse did not end with his removal from my home); this lawyer jumping and changes in what matters which counsel would represent impacted my ability to remove the liens.
I have never stopped working and have three part-time jobs currently. I have stopped reaching out to people because it is so very discouraging. As I’m sure many survivors and single parents do, I have encountered judgement, criticism, and blame. Disbelief that this could be my lot for so long. I have experienced it from “friends”, people in general, and most sad of all, family. It is impossible for people to comprehend my story – they do not understand the impact of the liens (I was unable to consolidate and by the time I had the liens removed, the financial and credit damage was pretty significant), withholding/non-payment of support, no restitution for victims, and the financial load I was immediately responsible for when everything doubled as I suddenly became sole provider with no recourse from social programs. They do not understand that my Durango which Shane stole while under the influence of unknown substances the night of the assault also had his lien against it; when the vehicle was located it had sustained transmission damage which led to further complications. In the end, my Durango was stolen and wrecked by Shane and because of his lien against me (the vehicle), it was rendered worth zero dollars when I needed to replace it. This and so many other battles that resulted from Shane’s abuses against me. But over all of Shane’s actions, there is more. I am Metis. Almost every day I encounter situations where I am ignored, talked over, dismissed, and accused - I feel as though people do not see past my brown skin and aboriginal features. Although I breathe, I count myself a kindred amongst the MMIWG as a result of this “invisibleness”.
But I am a Warrior. I am not done fighting yet. Please learn more about me, my family, my story… I am humbled by asking but I have survived more humiliating experiences at the hands of others.
TikTok: Muminum_In_Canada
EF Tours: account.eftours.ca/donations/K07vmz