Single Mom & Student Needs Help

Hello, world!

I'm Tabitha, a single mom (of five) and full-time student. I'm 7 months into a software engineering program that will hopefully result in my first career.  I had kids young–left college–and have always wanted to go back, and though it took a painful upheaval to get me here I am proud that I am pursuing my dream.

4/5 of my kids one morning before school.

When I started school in January, my kids were all supported in public schools and I was able to go to campus every day. It was not easy but I felt like I had a good routine. Walk my little one to kindergarten and make sure the rest were on a bus, and hop on my train to school. Evenings were a rush of dinner, homework, and prep for the next day. I've struggled with anxiety and depression all my life, but looking back at that time, I finally felt like I was making positive and lasting change.

Me on my first day of school

As you all know, in March everything turned upside down. My children lost their schools and everything that came with them: friends, counselors, and even therapy. So did I. I was not prepared for the sudden loss of work space for my studies. I didn't even have a desk. The jolt for my kids was even more dramatic: not only had they lost their friends and academic support, but now they had a frazzled mom trying to complete an intense program while also homeschooling them. 6 months have passed, and while there have been ups & downs, I feel like we've done alright. But I am still without a desk & proper chair. 6 months of constant coding and zoom meetings with this setup:

This is a cute chair, but not great for sitting all day.

I use an old side table as my desk.

As a single parent in school full time, I survive on county support until I can graduate and find a job. I wish this wasn't the case, but I am not ashamed to say it. I tell myself that the best thing I can do is study hard so I can support my family in the future. Money was tight before the pandemic, but it's even more so now. My attempts to save for a better setup have all been derailed by necessities.  But 6 months into making do has hurt my back and neck, and now that I am in the final stretch of my school year I just cannot continue this way. I mentioned this to some friends and they suggested I write my story here and ask for help, so here I am.

I live in Berkeley, California. We are in the middle of a global pandemic, and my county is rated as "widespread" in terms of the outbreak. I try to order groceries online but I can only shop where SNAP benefits are accepted. The wildfires in California do not currently threaten our home, but the smoke has caused us all to have coughs and headaches. I keep the kids indoors 100% of the time. We have a couple of air filters. Yes, I live where the sky was red and orange and the streetlamps didn't turn off all day for the darkness. As much as I try to remain calm and keep up a normal day-to-day for my kids, the isolation & sedentary living is catching up with me physically and emotionally.

My oldest and youngest sons.

If you asked me for a wish list, it would likely end up being a list of items for my children. But I am here to ask for myself, so I took some time to think about what would be on a list "just for me", reminding myself as I wrote it that helping me achieve my dreams *is* helping my children.

Tabitha's Wildest Dreams List:

1) WFH Desk : I did a lot of research on this one. I need something small that functions standing or sitting. This one even packs flat for storage or moving.

2) Aeron Chair  (seconds): I have had the good fortune to have tried one of these once, and the even better fortune to discover that the seconds/ open box aren't much more than other good task chairs so long as you don't mind a nick or two.

3) Peloton : Yeah, sounds ridiculous, right? Actually, this one is on my list for me and my teens. We are facing a present and future of both isolation and the worst air quality in the world. My kids range from 6 - 18 years old, and we are the most sedentary we have ever been. I worry for my health, and I know it's part of my increased anxiety.  I can;t even take the short, calming walks I once relied on.

The most important thing in the world to me is that I be here for my kids, alive and strong, hopefully able to provide for them for many years. I have been in "survival mode" for a long time, but I need a bit of help so that I can switch to "thrive" mode, or as my Minecraft-obsessed kids would say, "Peaceful".

The first thing I will use any help I receive on is a chair, as I need immediate relief for my back as I complete my final projects of the trimester. A desk is next. And then, with help and any money I can save, I want to exercise from home, hopefully getting my teens on board with it as well, so we can come out of this stronger than ever.

How will this change my life? In every way. I will be able to work on my studies and come away from it without pain, improving both my school / focus and my interactions with my family. I am imagining it and smiling. This needs to happen, even if I have to save pennies.

The bigger wish, the bike, is beyond my wildest dreams. But I promise the universe that if it comes to be, I will be unstoppable on that thing. I love riding my bike (in fact, I don't own a car) but cannot with the air quality. With my career likely being in a sedentary role, the time is now to build habits that will keep me healthy. A girl can dream! --Tabitha

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