Single Black Mother Escaping Domestic Violence
I am raising funds to assist my sister in escaping an abusive ex-boyfriend. I have attached one of the texts I have received from her. She has asked him to leave the home multiple times, but he refuses to do so. When told to leave he uses violence to silence my sister and her children. He is beating my sister. As I write this, I cannot relinquish the thought of his fists smashing into her body. I write this with urgency. I do not live near my sister and I cannot protect her. I want my sister out. She wishes to remain anonymous so I will provide the details she feels comfortable with me sharing. She is the mother of my three beautiful nieces ages 5, 9, and 12. My hope is that the first few lines are enough to bring your heart into the spirit of giving, but just as Black women are rarely heard, I expect this cry for a Black woman to go unheard. Below I will elaborate on Black women and children experiencing domestic violence and my thoughts.
Black women are punished in our society for being Black, being a woman, and having children. I have witnessed these punishments through media outlets and the experiences of Black women in my family, my sister included. These punishments include lack of child care, lack of sufficient housing, lack of proper nourishment, lack of time, and a lack of being heard. While personal ties wrench my heart, my knowledge of the common negligence towards Black women and children in these circumstances also inflicts my heart.
Black women experience domestic violence at an alarming rate, more than 40% of Black women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Black women are also 2.5 times more likely than white women to be murdered by men, with 92% of these murders committed by someone they know. While my personal feelings about my family will always ignite my fears, statistics such as these reinforce them. These statistics tell me that my fears about my sister's life are valid and based in truth.
Beyond my sister's life, I think of my nieces lives as well. Black girls go through too much. Society hammers at them constantly and consistently. While we often praise adult Black women for their strength resulting from this, I disdain it. It is hard for me to find joy in the fact that society would see my nieces beaten like iron. Burned and hammered by the images, thoughts, words, racism, sexism, and bigotry that surrounds them. While this reality angers me, it will not be by my hands alone that will shift the hammer and the fire, but by the hands of many. I am also putting my trust in the hands of many to help my nieces escape the abuses birthed by this society and given life in the home. These are formative years for youth. Witnessing/experiencing the abuse that my nieces are witnessing/experiencing leaves lifelong impact. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) have been researched and proven to leave lifelong impacts that result in increased risk of heart disease, toxic prolonged stress levels, decreases in attention and decision making skills, and increased risk of depression. My nieces are having an adverse childhood experience as I type this. I cannot fathom the stress they feel just from the presence of this man.
The funds being raised will go to relocation. The costs of moving are not cheap. My sister struggles to make rent as it is, so there is no expendable income in the house. I am not rich. My family is not rich. My sister relies on herself and what little my family and I can offer when we can offer it. The money will go to breaking her current lease, first months rent, security deposit, and moving costs. If this reaches the initial goal set, I will increase it. Black women are owed much more than the amount I've set. If you've read this, thank you for your time. If you do not have the funds, I ask you to please share this in hopes that someone with the money will encounter this.
