The goal is about 12k

Unfortunately this is embarrassing and traumatizing and shitty!

Things did not go so well with my last surgery. Despite all my best efforts to get things done right and well the first time - things did not go that way.

My jaws were advanced too much. Other surgeons quoted me half the amount of millimeters movement. My surgeon didn’t give me surgical plan until the week before. And I thought everything looked fine and like the other plans I received. But I couldn’t tell at the time that it was twice the amount of advancement.

In germany, and other parts of europe, over 10mm advancement is illegal because it can cause more issues - among them - joint degeneration.

At 5 months post op I’ve began experiencing eustachian tube issues, and major tmj joint issues. I knew something was going horribly wrong so I asked my pcp to refer me for an mri.

I was right. Both condyles have degenerative changes. Both discs are irregular, degenerated, and anteriorly displaced - resulting in my jaw being stuck in a “closed lock.” When I chew or speak, I hear and feel horrible horrible grinding sounds, like a molcajete. It is osteophytes, bony spurs, that i’m hearing grind because my joint is bone on bone contact. This is a radiographic hallmark of late stage degenerative joint disease of tmj.

My joints won’t be getting any better. I’m staring down the barrel of a really shitty g*n. Minor surgeries like arthocentesis offer only temporary pain relief and may degrade the disc further over time with repeated steroid use. Arthoplasty / Arthroscopy have low success rates and frequently cause more issues. Total joint replacement is scary and extreme and would remove all good bone that is left and replace with a joint that can only open and close - no side to side movement. no forward and back movement.

Also I look fucked up because my surgeon attached my chin crooked? And my upper jaw is too far forward resulting in a muzzle / animal type look.

There is no guarantee that any surgery would result in less pain. Only hopes for increased function, as I can’t bite right now or open my mouth very wide. I’m on a liquid only diet because I can’t handle the grinding.

Im in an extremely fragile and dark place right now mentally. This is the exact opposite of everything I hoped for.

All I wanted was a functional bite and to bite into a sandwich. Now I can’t bite at all.

I wanted my jaws to line up and not look recessed - but now it’s too advanced and looks bad, chin crooked and destroyed my joints.

This has left me extremely fragile and vulnerable. I can’t even do the things I love that were good for my mental health like climbing and hiking, because my jaw is in too much pain, spasming and I’m too vulnerable to injury. All I do is work and lay in bed sobbing. I also can’t even do things masked that I used to do, because masking puts too much pressure on my joints causing pain and spasms. So i’m even more isolated.

I now have to consult with surgeons who are revision and joint experts. These surgeons are few and far inbetween and those who accept insurance are even more rare.

They are located far from where I live, North Carolina, New Jersey, Texas - etc.

I have to move fast to fix things as some of my plates and bones were affixed using bicortical screws which are more stable, but cause greater damage when removed - and are near possible to remove once a year has passed.

I also need therapies and treatments outside of my budget such as botox and potentially prp - to see if maybe it can save me from total joint replacement or at least put it off.

Right now i’m just depressed and wish this wasn’t my life or my story. I have so little fight left in me. I’ve resisted making this or asking for help. becauseI already asked for help and i’m traumatized and didn’t want to do it again. I also didn’t want this to all be real and really happening to me, but it is.

I’m really scared. I’m really worried about keeping my job, because while I was on leave my position was changed and now I have to make 40+ calls a week while I can barely speak. I’m really scared revision won’t be covered by insurance because my teeth and bite are technically fine, even though the advancement is causing other issues such as my joints. But joints aren’t a qualifier for DJS with insurance. I’m really scared I just can’t mentally survive never being able to eat normally again, or to sing, or even to laugh without worrying or pain. I can barely speak. I feel so far away from myself and so scared and small. And in such pain. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. Especially combined with tinnitus and CCI.

That’s all i’ve got, written from my scared and vulnerable heart.

This GFM is to hopefully help with costs of: