Shine on: No One Left Behind

My name is Meaghan Carroll Rateau. This fundraiser is in memory of my sister SSG Emily Carroll who lost her battle with PTSD on January 14th 2022. If you want to learn more about my sister, here is a link to her obituary: https://www.quealyandson.com/obituary/Emily-Carroll

The first year is the hardest. I have been told that by many: friends who’ve had traumatic loss, random strangers the universe has put in my path who have experienced a loss like this, and my amazing therapist- all of these moments helped to keep me tethered to hope over the last eight and a half months.

I started getting agita about the fall mid-summer. The holidays on the horizon, my father and I both have birthdays in September and Emily’s birthday is November 9th. I’ve always loved the fall. The cozy traditions of the New England autumn: sweaters, apple picking, foliage, the warmth of a thick blanket on that first night you feel the crisp fall air. The fall was also the kickoff to a season of celebration and revelry that officially begins on my dad's birthday September 24th.

I began to realize how heavy this fall would likely become and that it would likely build to a crescendo as each birthday and holiday approached.

I started to think about how I could get through this without drowning in heartbreak and consistent reminders that nothing is the same. That she is gone. That the celebrations and traditions that once brought us all so much laughter, love and good old fashioned fun-will forever be reminders that we will never be truly complete again without her here.

I started to think about what I could do to for my bithday to take steps forward in this journey of grief ...while also doing something good in Emily's name. For my birthday, I’ve decided to do something that will support my spiritual journey of healing, as well as supporting causes that meant so much to my beautiful Emily.

My goal is to donate to a few organizations that she was passionate about. This Go Fund Me campaign, I will be raising money for No One Left Behind. No One Left Behind is the only nation-wide association of wartime allies in the US dedicated to ensuring that America keeps its promise to our interpreters from Iraq and Afghanistan. These brave men and women served right alongside US military and government personnel, and in many cases, directly saved American lives. Our vision is to see that each wartime ally is honored for his or her courageous service. We want their families to achieve the American Dream

I will also be raising money for Protect Our Defenders on another Go Fund Me I will share with you.

Finally, I will be donating to Locks of Love.

I am shaving my head for my birthday. Yup. You read that right.

I’ve thought about shaving my head over the years. But I was never brave enough to do it. Emily and I thought it was so badass way back in 97 when we saw that famous scene in GI Jane. She was just so damn cool.

Losing Emily made me realize that I still had a lot of deeply embedded unnecessary fear I didn't know I had been carrying around for most of my life. I mean, don’t we all? Fear of going against the socially accepted norms, fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of veering off the ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ path laid out in front of us and underscored in school, in the media, and within our own families. The fear of being judged against a made-up societal framework of what is ‘normal’.

"When people admit that they do not know, all beliefs fall apart by themselves and people become more alert to life around them.” I certainly have.

Throughout history, growing and/or shaving your hair has held significance spiritually and culturally. Shaving my head is a symbolic moment of rebirth, a step in my own healing journey. A way to begin to transmute the darkness that has surrounded me since January 14th into something different. Something hopeful.

“Shine on” has become a refrain for our family when we talk about Emily and the legacy she left behind. Doing this for my birthday is one way I will 'shine on’. Shining on for Emily, myself, and the people I will never meet who will be impacted by the donations we make.

I will do the ‘big buzz’ at the end of September, the day is yet to be determined. I will post the moment to Facebook Live, so y’all can come on this journey with me.