MOVING- Need Help
Donation protected
Where do I begin? This is the fifth time I've restarted writing this and still don't know where to start. Well, first I guess, I should say, "Hi, Madeline here! Doing something I hate to do and fighting the urges to convince myself not to do it." The problem is that we need help, all kinds of help including financial help and I can't stand asking people for anything, especially money. Something in my upbringing, I guess. I was taught to earn a living, work hard and never ask for handouts. Yet, here I am asking for money. Why? What brought me to this point in life?
Jim, Kia, Kay and I - with our 3 dogs, of course - are leaving the old Elmwood Park house. It's been a long, long road - fifteen years. Yesterday we filled out tons of forms for mortgage broker and had to explain why we ended up filing bankcruptcy nine years ago. I want to share the explanation with you so you'll get an idea what's been going on.
Jim and I met in a Christian chat room in 2000. He was taking a break from his missionary life with Youth with a Mission and living and working in Connecticut as an IT rep. I was working at a clinical research facility as a trial coordinator. We met in person, started hanging out together every weekend, and the rest is history. We married on the feast of the Epiphany, January 6, 2001. A few years later, we were looking for ways to be self-supporting financially and for ways to give of ourselves to others in need. We took a course in making money from real estate (those were the booming real estate days) and I began working with Bergen county Volunteers in Protective Services, mentoring children in foster care.
This led to our becoming foster parents of 6 year old Kia in 2004, and about the same time purchasing our first rental properties, a two family house in Garfield and a six family house in Paterson. Our goal was to be financially independent so we could increase the number of foster children we could care for. Meanwhile, Pamela was living at home and had just begun teaching. She needed more space so we remodeled the upstairs apartment in our Elmwood Park house
In 2005, we had found a great old, five bedroom house in Maywood and refinanced the Elmwood Park house to buy it. By Christmas 2005, we adopted Kia, then eight, and had four other foster children, ages 17 to 12. Jim was working as a computer technician in Teaneck and managing the properties, while I took care of the kids. These were hectic, but very happy times.
The Time of Troubles began
A series of events led to a downward spiral in our finances and caused great stress in our lives. The Paterson apartments were getting more and more difficult to maintain. We had several evictions and one tenant destroyed an apartment. Since most were on Section 8 housing the rent was steady, but the housing inspectors kept finding more and more things wrong. (We later discovered that the entire Paterson Section 8 housing department was corrupt, most losing their jobs and being arrested under a sting operation run by Chris Christie, then a federal attorney.)
Meanwhile, at Jim’s job, he injured his back moving equipment and went on disability for a few weeks. After his back was mostly healed he went back to work, but then took a few weeks of Family Leave to support me in taking care of the children. We were not just a normal foster home, but we were a Treatment Home associated with Children’s Aid and Family Services. As such, we had more intense training and the children required greater levels of support. All the kids were special needs, were in three different schools and had different therapists. Jim and I, or a driver from the agency, were the only ones allowed to drive them anywhere.
Our social workers constantly changed and the one we had a this time was not helpful to us and was detested by the children. Jim’s job was also not supportive, as when he returned to work, he was put into a different department doing order entry, then harassed by the owners for not doing a good enough job even though he was never trained.
Things came to a head in February of 2006. Among the three properties (Elmwood Park, Garfield and Paterson) we collected rent on 10 apartments. Due to non-paying tenants, evictions and other issues, we were able to collect only four rents. Jim was working to prepare apartments and list them. Meanwhile, with the children, there was an incident and an accusation that got the Division of Child Services involved. In their investigation a DCS worker removed Kia from our home and made accusations against our abilities as foster parents. On this same day, Jim had bronchitis and when he called in sick the owner of the company fired him.
We hired a lawyer and went to our family court hearing. DCS forced the caseworker to apologize for her behavior and acknowledged they would return Kia the next day. However, the court case dragged on for almost two years until DCS was forced to acknowledge there was no neglect on our part and our names were cleared.
Meanwhile the emotional damage done to Kia, who already suffered extreme abandonment issues, was monumental.
Also, due to the court case, two of the boys were removed from our home and the older girl left shortly before turning 18.
During this time we fell back on our credit cards and began racking up debt trying to put the Paterson and Garfield houses back in play. However, due to the destruction of our family, Jim’s struggle to find a job, and health issues with both of us, we were fighting depression as well.
The Maywood house was foreclosed on and we filed for bankruptcy in 2007. Because Pamela was on the mortgage of the Van Riper house and the payments were made on time, we were able to move back in and continue as before. Jim found a job measuring floors and I worked as a nanny.
Since Jim and I married, so much has happened. Jim lost his dad, I lost my mom, my sister Josette, my dad, sister Theresa and brother-in-law, Arne. We bought our dream house and lost it. We took in foster kids and lost some of them. I went through major surgery and Jim had several due to detached retina - almost losing his sight. His eye is still recovering.
In 2010, Jim went back to school and got his certification to teach. Kia is now 19, and has graduated from High School. Kayaeisha is 23, and has graduated from Ramapo College and plans to become a police officer. Pamela married in 2012, had a child in 2014, and bought a new house of her own.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I have osteo arthritis in all my joints, worst in my knees and am planning double knee replacement surgery in November, if everything works out. I also have severe spinal stenosis - deterioration of the spine, goes with arthritis. Although these ailments are painful and hard to live with, I thank God every day that I do not have anything fatal or totally incapacitating.
Bad things happened. That's life. Still we are convinced that it has only been through God's grace that we made it this far. We know that God is leading us - so many great things have happened too! Jim found a new job teaching physics at Ridgefield High School! He'll be making more money and doing what he loves. And not only has someone bought the Elmwood Park house, but we found a house we love and are buying in Hawthorne. Right now, we are waiting for all the paperwork, closing dates, etc. This is where we need help. Our funds are being stretched to the extreme. We really don't have money to hire movers - and we no longer have young strong friends who will help us load all our stuff on a rented truck like we did in the old days. Also, our new house is old and needs some updating. For now, we'll have to live with it as is, but I would love to do a little redecorating to make it ours.
We know times are tough for everyone and if you can only offer us good wishes and prayers, that is most appreciated! If you can afford to send a few dollars that would also be extremely appreciated. We cannot repay a loan but we will ask God to Bless you a thousand times over for whatever you can give.
Thank you for reading this and caring. God Bless you.
Jim, Kia, Kay and I - with our 3 dogs, of course - are leaving the old Elmwood Park house. It's been a long, long road - fifteen years. Yesterday we filled out tons of forms for mortgage broker and had to explain why we ended up filing bankcruptcy nine years ago. I want to share the explanation with you so you'll get an idea what's been going on.
Jim and I met in a Christian chat room in 2000. He was taking a break from his missionary life with Youth with a Mission and living and working in Connecticut as an IT rep. I was working at a clinical research facility as a trial coordinator. We met in person, started hanging out together every weekend, and the rest is history. We married on the feast of the Epiphany, January 6, 2001. A few years later, we were looking for ways to be self-supporting financially and for ways to give of ourselves to others in need. We took a course in making money from real estate (those were the booming real estate days) and I began working with Bergen county Volunteers in Protective Services, mentoring children in foster care.
This led to our becoming foster parents of 6 year old Kia in 2004, and about the same time purchasing our first rental properties, a two family house in Garfield and a six family house in Paterson. Our goal was to be financially independent so we could increase the number of foster children we could care for. Meanwhile, Pamela was living at home and had just begun teaching. She needed more space so we remodeled the upstairs apartment in our Elmwood Park house
In 2005, we had found a great old, five bedroom house in Maywood and refinanced the Elmwood Park house to buy it. By Christmas 2005, we adopted Kia, then eight, and had four other foster children, ages 17 to 12. Jim was working as a computer technician in Teaneck and managing the properties, while I took care of the kids. These were hectic, but very happy times.
The Time of Troubles began
A series of events led to a downward spiral in our finances and caused great stress in our lives. The Paterson apartments were getting more and more difficult to maintain. We had several evictions and one tenant destroyed an apartment. Since most were on Section 8 housing the rent was steady, but the housing inspectors kept finding more and more things wrong. (We later discovered that the entire Paterson Section 8 housing department was corrupt, most losing their jobs and being arrested under a sting operation run by Chris Christie, then a federal attorney.)
Meanwhile, at Jim’s job, he injured his back moving equipment and went on disability for a few weeks. After his back was mostly healed he went back to work, but then took a few weeks of Family Leave to support me in taking care of the children. We were not just a normal foster home, but we were a Treatment Home associated with Children’s Aid and Family Services. As such, we had more intense training and the children required greater levels of support. All the kids were special needs, were in three different schools and had different therapists. Jim and I, or a driver from the agency, were the only ones allowed to drive them anywhere.
Our social workers constantly changed and the one we had a this time was not helpful to us and was detested by the children. Jim’s job was also not supportive, as when he returned to work, he was put into a different department doing order entry, then harassed by the owners for not doing a good enough job even though he was never trained.
Things came to a head in February of 2006. Among the three properties (Elmwood Park, Garfield and Paterson) we collected rent on 10 apartments. Due to non-paying tenants, evictions and other issues, we were able to collect only four rents. Jim was working to prepare apartments and list them. Meanwhile, with the children, there was an incident and an accusation that got the Division of Child Services involved. In their investigation a DCS worker removed Kia from our home and made accusations against our abilities as foster parents. On this same day, Jim had bronchitis and when he called in sick the owner of the company fired him.
We hired a lawyer and went to our family court hearing. DCS forced the caseworker to apologize for her behavior and acknowledged they would return Kia the next day. However, the court case dragged on for almost two years until DCS was forced to acknowledge there was no neglect on our part and our names were cleared.
Meanwhile the emotional damage done to Kia, who already suffered extreme abandonment issues, was monumental.
Also, due to the court case, two of the boys were removed from our home and the older girl left shortly before turning 18.
During this time we fell back on our credit cards and began racking up debt trying to put the Paterson and Garfield houses back in play. However, due to the destruction of our family, Jim’s struggle to find a job, and health issues with both of us, we were fighting depression as well.
The Maywood house was foreclosed on and we filed for bankruptcy in 2007. Because Pamela was on the mortgage of the Van Riper house and the payments were made on time, we were able to move back in and continue as before. Jim found a job measuring floors and I worked as a nanny.
Since Jim and I married, so much has happened. Jim lost his dad, I lost my mom, my sister Josette, my dad, sister Theresa and brother-in-law, Arne. We bought our dream house and lost it. We took in foster kids and lost some of them. I went through major surgery and Jim had several due to detached retina - almost losing his sight. His eye is still recovering.
In 2010, Jim went back to school and got his certification to teach. Kia is now 19, and has graduated from High School. Kayaeisha is 23, and has graduated from Ramapo College and plans to become a police officer. Pamela married in 2012, had a child in 2014, and bought a new house of her own.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I have osteo arthritis in all my joints, worst in my knees and am planning double knee replacement surgery in November, if everything works out. I also have severe spinal stenosis - deterioration of the spine, goes with arthritis. Although these ailments are painful and hard to live with, I thank God every day that I do not have anything fatal or totally incapacitating.
Bad things happened. That's life. Still we are convinced that it has only been through God's grace that we made it this far. We know that God is leading us - so many great things have happened too! Jim found a new job teaching physics at Ridgefield High School! He'll be making more money and doing what he loves. And not only has someone bought the Elmwood Park house, but we found a house we love and are buying in Hawthorne. Right now, we are waiting for all the paperwork, closing dates, etc. This is where we need help. Our funds are being stretched to the extreme. We really don't have money to hire movers - and we no longer have young strong friends who will help us load all our stuff on a rented truck like we did in the old days. Also, our new house is old and needs some updating. For now, we'll have to live with it as is, but I would love to do a little redecorating to make it ours.
We know times are tough for everyone and if you can only offer us good wishes and prayers, that is most appreciated! If you can afford to send a few dollars that would also be extremely appreciated. We cannot repay a loan but we will ask God to Bless you a thousand times over for whatever you can give.
Thank you for reading this and caring. God Bless you.
Organizer
Madeline Sgroi Shaw
Organizer
Elmwood Park, NJ