Help Us Lay Damian to Rest

Yesterday morning my brother Damian chose to end his life. Damian was my big brother and my best friend. I spent almost every day with him.

Yesterday I woke up late to a screenshot from Damian’s ex of a message he had sent her at 5:34 am. The screenshot was a suicide note and a goodbye. He ended the message by telling her that he was at the Park n Ride and to call 911 when she got the message. I called her and asked her if she had called 911 yet, she told me that she hadn’t so I hung up and tried to call him. His phone rang but he didn’t answer. I hung up and dialed 911, after being connected to Fairfield Co., then Perry Co., I finally reached Licking Co. I told them what was going on and they dispatched multiple sheriffs to the Park n Ride, as they were arriving, the dispatcher ended the call.

While waiting to hear back, I realized that I had a text from Damian. It was also a suicide note that he sent me. In the note, Damian apologized to me for doing this and he told me that he just couldn’t feel like this anymore. He told me to keep my head up and not make the same mistakes he did. He told me that I was the only person that he had and that he feels like shit for doing this, but he didn't know what else to do. He ended by saying that he loved me and to make him proud, and to just know that he is in a better place. At this point, I still didn’t know if he would do this but if you know my brother he doesn’t play around and eventually, he will do what he’s saying he’s going to do.

Even though I didn’t want to know I went ahead and did what I had to do and called Licking Co. back. The dispatcher transferred me to a “Deputy” who introduced himself as a Detective. I should have known what this meant but idk, maybe I didn’t want to think about it. The detective began asking me for my information, and information about Damian’s car, his DOB, whether or not he was depressed, etc. I answered them and the detective began telling me that he wasn’t going to lie to me, and that he was there, with my brother, that he was gone, and he had taken his own life. He immediately began telling me about support services for people dealing with this type of tragedy but all I could think of or hear was that my brother was gone. Standing in my room I had an overwhelming urge to destroy everything in it, but I forced myself to walk outside and sit down.

I ended the phone call with the sheriff and cried for a few minutes before I called our mother. She answered and I told her that I had to tell her something, I tried to tell her what happened but I couldn't make the words come out of my mouth. I knew that I was scaring her, she kept asking me what was wrong and if Damian was okay. All I could say to her was no, she asked me if he was in the hospital, and I told her that he was dead. The rest of that phone call is private.

I packed a bag and my mom came and got me. We went and collected the rest of his stuff from his ex's house. During this time we were talking to detectives and figuring out more information. I spent the rest of the day feeling numb and in shock. I am still unable to comprehend and process that my brother is gone.

I created a GoFundMe to help raise money for expenses that my family will incur during this process. We are going to have a small immediate family and friend service for him and a larger one at a later date. We are also thinking about having Damian as well as our father buried here on my mothers property. I will provide any updates as they become available, they will be posted on my Facebook.

I just wanted to thank everybody for their support and kind words. This is my worst fear, having to bury one of my brothers. Your sympathy and compassion help. Seeing the love that you guys had for Damian help. Moving forward I’m going to be advocating for suicide prevention and mental health awareness because I just want to see everybody happy and healed. Below is a link for the GoFundMe fundraiser that I created last night, lastly my family and I just want to thank the community for their support.