Support the Parcher family through recurrent pregnancy loss

Hello, my name is Jess Parcher (formerly known as Jess Erny) and I'm here to share my story and humbly ask for support as my family and I continue to journey through this painful road of recurrent pregnancy loss and (secondary) infertility.

Ethan and I met just before the world shut down in 2020, and got married in August of 2021. Shortly after we were married, we joyfully found out that we were expecting a little boy, due August of 2022 (born July 24th, 2022).

Early on in my pregnancy I had what we suspected was food poisoning from undercooked chicken. I ended up having major autoimmune reactions such as various rashes, rheumatoid arthritis, the list goes on.

Once we realized I was not only dealing with food poisoning but also was pregnant, we rushed to the ED; where a viable pregnancy was confirmed (praise the Lord). Several tests were run, my white blood cell count was of the charts but otherwise no determination was made for why my body was reacting the way it was. I was sent to a specialist only to determine I had a form of reactive arthritis related to the food poisoning experienced.

After this initial pregnancy "hiccup" all went smoothly with the pregnancy.

We didn't think much of the symptoms I had experienced as the they seemed to have resolved on their own and William continued to be happy and healthy in my belly.

William Kenneth Parcher was born on July 24th, 2022. God's gift to us. (God truly knew we would need our joyful little boy through the trials that were to come).

Fast forward to September 2023, we again (joyfully) discovered that we were expecting baby #2. I looked forward to the idea of having a natural birth at home with a midwife/doula team.

Just as we began to look ahead to the future, calculating the age gap between William and baby, etc. I miscarried between 6/7 weeks along.

I was of course, devastated. However, I still remained hopeful that this was just a "fluke" (as many doctor's also suggest with one loss) and looked ahead to what could be in the future.

3 months later I found I was pregnant again, expected to be due late August of 2024.

Everything had been going smoothly, (so we thought) until around 15/16 weeks of pregnancy when I began to have on and off cramping and discomfort. Over the course of a week + a weekend, my husband Ethan and I had been in and out of the emergency room, midwife's office, etc. just to find any indication of what could be causing this cramping, back pain, etc. Ultrasounds indicated we were having another baby BOY.

I did have tests run to see if I was in labor, etc. and somehow everything came back as they should so I was continually sent home to rest and monitor symptoms on our own.

On March 19th, 2024 I went in for some lab work and later a prenatal massage to attempt to relax some of the muscles that were contracting, etc. (recommended by doctor) and ended up delivering our sweet baby boy, Benjamin Kyle Parcher at 16 weeks and 4 days.

We decided to name our boy Benjamin as soon as we found out he was a boy, and later found much more meaning in our loss and grief.

In regard to Benjamin's name and meaning, the first time we know of the name "Benjamin" being used in the Bible was in Genesis 35:18. Rachel (Jacob's wife and Joseph's mother) dies in childbirth but not before naming him Ben-Oni; the son of my distress. Her husband does not accept that name and calls him Bin-Yamin (Benjamin), the son of my right hand.

A further translation of Bin-Yamin means "son of the South." The family was traveling towards the Negev when the child was born, and this was the first of Jacob's children to be born into the Promised Land.

After the loss of our sweet and perfect baby boy, one of the verses that we clung to was Isaiah 41:13,

For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

We have full assurance that the Lord is and will continue to be our strength in times of fear and calamities.

Despite every part of me wanting to still be pregnant with my boy, we waited about 8 months until becoming pregnant again in November of 2024.

I had so much peace and confidence that the Lord was going to sustain this baby and help me carry them to term this time around. In my mind, "it was time for a win."

On December 13th, my husband and I went in for a follow up ultrasound to check on baby's growth (as the gestational sac was measuring behind the week prior). The ultrasound tech, holding back tears had to continue on with the ultrasound and let us know that we'd need to talk to a doctor after the ultrasound was completed.

We heard the dreaded phrase, I never ever expected to hear after so much loss already.

"No heartbeat."

We found out later through genetic testing that our baby was yet again, another boy.

This season has been one of wrestling with the Lord, only to find I really have no answer as to "why" we continue to experience loss but God knows and he cares deeply. He weeps with us.

The Lord continues to meet us in the heartache and fill in the gaps of the unknowns with His great mercies and understanding.

One thing that the Lord has placed on my heart throughout this process is that He is truly my hope and reward at the end of it all. I continue to wrestle with the Lord, but in a way that is refining my faith and growing my trust in God's unwavering character. He is our peace, our strength, and our reward. It's not the blessings we are after, but the very heart of Christ in us.

With all of this being said, there are action steps that can be taken to get to the bottom of these losses and I've been on a mission to do everything in my power to "solve the case," if you will.

I've had various tests and bloodwork done over the past year or so, only to find the autoimmunity outlier. I am confident in the fact that autoimmunity, inflammation, and infection are all playing a major role in the recurrent loss we've experienced.

There are only so many "reproductive immunologists" in the state of Michigan and the main two we looked at/prayed about were the Derbala Institute of Reproductive Immunology near Detroit, and the Fertility Center in GR, MI.

It's not easy to make these type of decisions, with so many unknowns as we prepare for Lord willing another pregnancy in the future.

We decided to start working with the Fertility Center, where we've began the process of immune and genetic testing. The majority of the testing is for myself, they request that Ethan have testing done to check if our immune systems are incompatible, etc.

SO. With all of this being said, the next step and one that I truly believe will provide some breakthrough answers is an extensive immune system panel/IRMA report through Pregmune Corp. The cost of the IRMA report for Ethan and I is $1,850. The lab tests for Ethan will cost $1249. Ethan's labwork will be completely out of pocket as our self-pay insurance does not cover fertility treatments for him, whereas I have coverage with a $1500 deductible (and we pay 10% of the “shareable” cost with this self-pay insurance. 

The lab costs for me are still to be determined based on insurance eligibility, etc.

Our Natera Anora testing (genetic testing on the baby) which cost around $300.

The bills for the fertility center will be partially covered through Samaritan Ministries  (1500 deductible and we are responsible for 10% of the bills that are “shareable.” 

The out of pocket expense at the very minimum for the immune testing alone will be $2749. Of course it will add up as we continue to seek answers and further treatment, as well as pay off medical expenses from prior miscarriages.

If even a small portion of this medical financial burden was lifted it would be a HUGE blessing as we earnestly seek to grow our family.

Thank you so much for all of those that have so faithfully been praying and seeking answers with us as we walk through this journey (that I am finding so many more have also walked through.) God is faithful and His promises are true. We are expectant to see how the Lord continues to work through/in us and in those around us.

We trust Him with open hands and hurting hearts.