I won't lie to you, it was hard. It was hard for me and it was hard for Kosta. I saw enough childhood illness in my lifetime and I thought I was tough ... but no, I wasn't. This was my first exposure to the childhood cancer and I wasn't ready. Once we walked out of that room after our four hour play date, I wanted to never return. I wanted to block it. I wanted to pretend I never saw it. I wanted to not know that there is this suffering right next door. I wanted to go home, take a shower, put my clothes in the washing, go to the park and breathe some fresh air - breathe, breathe, breathe again .... and forget it all. After all, this is not my suffering. This is not my journey. I don't have to be part of it. My family is all right - warm, cosy, safe and healthy - there are others who can help.
Kosta and I sat for a long time in a car processing the tragedy. We spoke of Sebastian's fifth birthday last week and how he cried all day because he had no friends who could visit him. We reflected on how difficult he was to play with and I made sure that Kosta understood that a lot of medicine can affect one's behaviour. We remembered how Sebastian was talking about his dad all the time and even tried to call him to boast in front of Kosta ... yet the dad didn't want ill Sebastian to be a hassle and brushed him off. I remembered his mum who has been through so much sadness in her still young life that I wonder how she is going to cope after ..... and most importantly, we remembered the eyes of this little boy when we were leaving ... those were the eyes of an old soul who knew that most probably we would never come back. So we eventually left the car and we went home to our warm, cosy, healthy family ... but we knew than and there we had no right to block it off.
Kosta is now soundly asleep and I am reaching out to you for help. Yes, you and I cannot save Sebastian but we can make sure that his remaining journey is filled with trust, love, friendship and comfort. Please share, please donate. Let's help this little boy. With lots of love and appreciation, Kosta & Elena
- Stella Stead
- Pallavi Flood
- Nailya Abdrashitova
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