Saying goodbye to Herbert P. Edwards Jr.

Hi, my name is Kiana Edwards-Lee and I am raising funds for my father Herbet P. Edwards Jr., a marine corps veteran. For many of you reading this, it will be the first time in over 25 years that you're hearing anything about him as he's been considered missing by most for quite some time. I am truly sorry that this has to the message that brings you up to date on where he's been. After learning more about him to write this message, I do hold a space in my heart for who he was to the people that knew him well and also for what could have been.

Although I have not seen my father since I was 3, I have always known that his time in the military changed him. He served in Kuwait during Desert Shield as a platoon leader. During that time, he had to see extreme poverty and watch fellow officers perish. I can only imagine to what degree he held himself responsible for what we saw while internalizing the pressure of fighting for all of our lives and then trying to be a "normal civilian" after he returned home as well.

After returning from war, my father was plagued with PTSD and schizophrenic delusions and was very mentally unwell. Despite the best efforts of his family, he was not willing to accept help at that time. He did his best to be a loving father, husband, son, and brother but those roles were not a cure and ultimately his mental state caused him to walk away from his life leaving the people that loved him lost on his whereabouts. For most of his time lost he was homeless, until 2016 when the VA was able to find him and put him in a nursing home in California until he would recently pass from natural causes. I was told by his caregivers that he said he was on his own with no family and even during his stay he experienced war-related delusions and flashbacks. They were kind enough to mention that he was non-violent but unsocial and was known to stay to himself. During that time he was also not accepting medications or donations and lived without a phone, TV, or radio leaving the people closest to him leaving no way to connect with him and in turn allowing no news of the world to find him. I lived on hearing rumors about his whereabouts but never truly knowing if he was alive or if he had already passed. Having an understanding of mental illness and post-war PTSD, I know that he did not choose to walk away from his life to live in homelessness. Nor did he choose to die alone and away from his family. War was the cause of his struggles, mental illness is the villain and both can easily take away the feelings of rational choice.

I would like to have a small service for my father to see him or at the very least be able to have him cremated and brought closer to home, which is what any funds received will be used for. If you're able to help in any way that would be amazing because this situation is something I was not expecting or planning for and I can't do this on my own. Without knowing him, I do love him. I always wished I had a moment with him to remember. If you knew him, hearing about your fondest memories with him would also mean a lot.

With gratitude,

Kiana Edwards-Lee