Sarah Wilson - "By Faith, Sarah"

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Sarah's sister. We are coming to you today in need. Not only in need of your prayers but also in need of financial support to assist in her healing. If you know Sarah, you know that she is by nature a giver to others before herself and asking for help can be very difficult especially during the holiday season. The body of believers is meant to be a community, united in love, that openly blesses one another when a need arises and simply just because it can. Can you find it in your hearts to help? Whether that gift is prayer or a donation, we gratefully, sincerely and humbly thank you. In her own words, Sarah has shared her journey below.

Sarah's Story -

It’s been soooooo long. So long honestly that I’ve nearly forgotten what life was like before. Before that dreaded 6-letter curse word hard-pressed out of me, quite nearly everything I ever thought I was.

I didn’t see it coming. Blind-sided. Rail-roaded. Bamboozled. Bewildered. Sucker-punched. What? Wait? Me? This can’t be.

“Cancer”, he said.

It’s been 2,391 days. I’d like to tell you I’ve walked this thing full of faith, strong in the Spirit, trusting His goodness, believing His promises and lavishing in His love. And I have. Oh that I have! And victory I have known.

But…I’ve also run fast and furious from His presence. Buried my face in self-pity. Silenced His voice. Rejected provision that didn’t suit my preference. Refused His comfort in the depth of my disappointment. I’ve questioned. I’ve wrestled. And my faith has failed.

Sometimes I wonder how He can even look at the mess of me. But then I remember - He doesn’t see me like I see me. Like the world sees me. No. He sees me through the lens of my Jesus on that cross. Covered by his blood. Made perfect in the sacrifice of all sacrifices. REDEEMED. That is the Sarah He sees. Mind-blowing, unfathomable grace really. Grace upon grace upon even more grace. A Papa who never runs out is sheer gift for a sinner like me. What great love.

So yeah. Truth right here…I have warred both with Him and against Him. This I now know and find my peace in…life is both-and. Both. And. Highlands and valleys. And while our seasons here earth-side will reflect both, the good news…like reeeeeally good news is that God is unchanging, unmovable, unshakable. He cannot love me any more or any less than He does right in this very moment. Whether I’m in a full-blown 42-year old temper tantrum, or soggy-snotty faced on my office floor or preaching my heart out behind a computer screen or from a stage. My teeny human mind can’t even grasp how wide, how long, how high, how deep is His love for me. And you.

In the physicality of this earth-side vessel - I regretfully share that things aren’t where we’d prayed, believed or hoped them to be. Not yet that is. Though I can, in all truth and faith tell you “It is well with my soul” and mean it 100%, the truth is also that the physical ‘evidence’ and most recent report of man brings forth that all-too-familiar nod of disappointment…followed by my all-too-familiar uncontrollable sob fest. In these moments there’s this anguish so deep that my spirit literally groans. For comfort. For hope. For an exit. For Heaven. On one of these recent ‘report’ days, I uttered to my Mister through broken words and a tear-stained face, “Today’s one of those days that heaven sounds pretty good because this world is just too hard.”

Friends, I don’t know what your “hard” is…or has been or will be. But I know we can expect them. This life…in this place…it’s broken…busted up…but this too is true…there is a Savior. There is hope. There is grace. There’s a crazy kind of love. And they all share the same name. Jesus.

So here I am in an all-too-familiar (& uncomfortable) place of need. It’s so jacked up really…how easily we put our hands out to give to others in times of need, but turn our backs on receiving from others in our own times of need. I’m gonna tell tell ya what it is. At least for me anyway, it’s pride. Period. I know because God’s still working it out of me. In the wise words of author/researcher/story-teller extraordinaire Brene Brown, both giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. She says if we are ok with giving, we must also be ok with receiving.

Per these latest reports, man and medicine say “It’s time to get more aggressive”. My spirit hears “It’s time to do different”. And my body does not disagree on either account. Holy Spirit reminds me of one of His early promises - “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Friends, what’s been proposed by my conventional Oncologist will be anything but easy and light on my body. While this is the only way covered by insurance, I feel a deep calling to pursue that ‘something different’ pathway. That pathway has been illuminated and offers a remarkable treatment option – one not yet practiced in the states and with drugs FDA-approved for some cancers…but not for mine. Not yet. ☹

Unfortunately the flood that destroyed our entire home in the summer of 2020 had a similar effect on our finances, my business and my health…heaping out-of-pocket remediation charges, loss of wages and more medical needs atop the monthly financial burden that has been cancer for six and a half long, long years.

The asking is soooo dang hard y’all. I’ve typed and deleted what feels like 94 times. The world tells us that ‘need’ is weakness. But God, via the Apostle Paul says otherwise. He encourages those of us short on strength that God’s grace is sufficient in our weakness then even goes on say we ought to boast in our weakness so that Jesus’ power might be magnified in and through us. Like much of Kingdom culture, it seems a backward thing…this strength in weakness revelation. Yet here I am. Asking God in His unlimited resources and perhaps through the hearts of His people to make a way in this wilderness to support more wholly and completely my earthly vessel to withstand THIS battle and emerge victorious. Because to be honest, we are likened to a well run dry over here.

As we’ve prayed for and pursued this avenue – this one that goes straight into the tumor to destroy it with way-below freezing temps (cryo-ablation) and follows immediately with a combo of incredible immunotherapy agents, again, right into the tumor, that then go out into the body, target & sweep up every cell that looks like that tumor. It’s this amazing combo that allows the immune system to rise up and operate as God designed it so beautifully and powerfully to do. Unfortunately, this is an out-of-pocket pathway and where our deep need comes in. This 3 week, 3 treatment course carries with a price tag of $100k to all be paid upfront. ☹ That’s $86k for the Dr and drugs, $10-12k for the hospital fees plus 3 weeks of hotel accommodations and flights to Mexico.

Even now, I cringe in the asking. I am a helper. I am a giver. This side is far less familiar and still painfully unpleasant. It is a humbling surrender of the flesh to waive my HELP flag and confess that we don’t have it. But. We.dont.have.it.

So this is it – my cry for help. My S.O.S. signal. If our gracious God nudges you toward the giving side of that coin…please know that from all sincere humility and utter gratitude, we receive your kindness and generosity. But far greater my friends, than any sum of money, are the collective prayers of this army. Without a doubt, we know, my name has been continually before the Father in Heaven because of you. I still have breath in my lungs and purpose down deep because He has heard the prayers of the righteous and they do avail much.

My friends, you know. The valley has been deep, dark and loooooooong. But I still believe. Not in man. Not in medicine. But in my God who promised. In my Jesus who already paid this debt. And in the Holy Spirit on the inside of me - strengthening me yet again…calling me, calling me to boldly RISE AGAIN. Despite the relentless sum of tumors spread deep and wide across this chest and climbing, I will keep on keeping on. I will armor up, and I will take my stand. To remember that He who is in me is greater than he who is in this world. I am healed. I am victorious. I will not die but live and declare His good works. I will see His goodness in the land of the living. With long life, He will satisfy me. I will see my children’s children and they will know of the Lord’s great love and the miracle in me…for me…for them. For my good and His glory. Zero cancer. Complete healing. By faith, Sarah. By faith until oh Sarah. Not by (your) power or by (your) might, but by My spirit, says the Lord.