My dance with breast cancer.

December 6th I had my first ever mammogram. My Grandma Flicek in heaven was definitely looking out for me. I can’t explain it any other way because December is a working month in the retail world and selling my art is how I make my living. Minus the boys’ events and Christmas celebrations, December is for hammering, sawing, filing, soldering and polishing morning till bedtime. But for whatever reason, I knew I HAD to pause and schedule a mammogram. Kisses floating up to you Grandma. We caught it early. And for that I am grateful.

After being squeezed, photographed, called back for zoom ins, called back for biopsies, hearing ‘suspicious cells’ over and over, the percentages on results being positive kept getting smaller until on December 28th, 2022 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn’t understand it yet. In the doctor's phone call, I just heard the word minuscule. He of course did say Micro Invasive Ductal Carcinoma in situ but I didn’t know that was cancer.

Moments later a nurse called and threw absolutely EVERYTHING out on the table, right down to recovery after mastectomy… I still did not at all understand that I had ‘cancer’ so my mind was reeling… I thought she must have had the wrong chart in front of her… what was she talking about? A dear friend came to my home and personally talked me through the diagnoses. Yes, I had breast cancer. But in our perspective, it still seemed minuscule.

And really, it is this itsy bitsy microscopic thing but it is also quite a disruptive little thing!

After two consultations, both doctors highly recommended a bilateral mastectomy with lymph node biopsies during surgery. Due to the type of cancer found, Micro Invasive Ductal Carcinoma in Situ, the fact that it had began to move into my breast tissue, our family history, my young age, the first tumor tested estrogen negative, the dense make up of my breast tissue, the second spot found in my right, my left breast already having abnormal cell alignment in my breast tissue; a bilateral mastectomy is the safest procedure to ensure removal of all cancer and prevent it’s return. No radiation is needed at this time. Nor chemo either, as long as lymph nodes are clear of cancer when they are biopsied during surgery.

I also had blood drawn for genetic testing to see if I carry any mutated genes that determine if I am prone to more types of cancer and I am choosing to have reconstructive surgery.

On Tuesday February 7th I will have my mastectomy surgery with Dr. Reuth at Piper Breast Cancer Institute. The reconstructive surgery will begin that day as well, with a second surgery in a few months after I have healed from the mastectomy surgery.

A scary thing, here we go again with this itsy bitsy microscopic thing creating chaos. I learned about a possible effect after surgery. There is a chance of getting lymphedema in my arm after surgery. If you get it, it is a forever thing. A swelling of the arm. A tightness of the skin. A heaviness like a wet towel. What the hell? Breathe. A preventative caution to not get lymphedema is to not use your arm in repetitive motion. Example: shoveling, try to switch sides. What the hell? Breathe. Maybe it’s important to note I have already been doing physical therapy for my right shoulder because I use it A LOT in repetitive motion. This is what I do with hand fabricating jewelry, repetitive motion. SO not only am I facing time off of work, but in a risk assessing head space, I also have to think about how I come back to work differently to lessen the work load and repetitive motions of my right arm: sawing, hammering, filing, sanding, polishing.

Each day February 7th, surgery day, gets closer, the tears flow just a bit easier, thinking of simple things, like Parent’s Night for Mason’s swimming is on the night of my surgery. I want to be there. But I know this has to happen so I can be here for my three boys for a long time to come. Each morning since hearing that I need to have a bilateral mastectomy, I have stood in front of the mirror looking them over, blessing them for nourishing my children, reminiscing about dancing under the stars with them, feeling the silk of freshwater lakes and rivers while skinny dipping, and laughing about all the truck drivers they have flashed on roadtrips. Boobs are really an amazing part of us! I look at them in the mirror in wonderment, “how can you little beautiful things be causing such chaos?”

I pray EVERY moment the surgery will go well, all of the cancer will be removed and I will heal with no infections or repercussions. I feel your prayers too.

I have been blessed with my work. I often refer to it as ‘a calling’ and ‘a lifestyle’. It really doesn’t make me a whole lot of money. BUT I AM SO BLESSED in my work. I have based my life and business, Felixery, upon respect and compassion for fellow human beings. While the creating of my own personal design work is fun, healing and soul filling for me, it is. It is in the human connections that I love most. Meeting fellow artists, sharing my work with you and witnessing your reactions. I am blessed and honored when a piece of mine evokes a feeling, a memory or it celebrates and commemorates moments and special beings in your lives.

Same with my custom work and workshops I offer. I so often refer to them as healing because creating together allows that space to open your soul.

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I wasn’t ready for this itsy bitsy microscopic thing to uproot what I do physically and how I navigate my life financially. This is where I break down and tears stream down my cheeks because I have SO MUCH PRIDE in keeping up. I have always fended for myself and my boys with the physical capabilities of my body. Someone who goes back to work at a computer can do that pretty fast after a mastectomy. But my surgeon looked at me, pointed her finger at me, and said, “But YOU, YOU need to heal before going back to work because you want to heal properly…” And I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what time frame that means. I also don’t know if I will ever be able to go back at the same capacity I had before. This all scares me but I am already brainstorming this.

I’m going to be an open book here. I believe I will be out of work for at least 6 months. I think we live fairly minimally. The only debt I hold at this time is my home. $3200 a month covers my mortgage, utilities, garbage, phone, internet; car, health and life insurance, groceries and gas.

I have the little prescribed savings of a three month emergency fund. But you know the cycle, those three months are when I should be working hard to make up the next months funds. I had more but last year I used my excess savings to take my boys on a Lutsen ski trip, paid a friend to correct storm water drainage and water damage to the North side of my house, repaired my vehicle and spent some excess money on nonsense repercussions from that neighbor I needed to get a restraining order against. (Blah blah blah. Screw the last expense, the other three were needed and understandable and what one typically saves for.)

I thankfully have health insurance so I believe most of my health expenses are covered.

Over the years I have created the most fulfilling, love filled life. I have surrounded myself with all of you, my children, my family, my friends, my angels and my God; my focus being more on these connections with my determined passionate soul. My finances have always just maintained and naturally fell into place with hard work and commitment to making it happen.

There it is, my open book. My best guess, I am looking at 6 months of recovery before I can semi start working. OHHHHH, that makes my heart break. People have been asking how they can help, so this is one way. I don’t expect anything. I am grateful for any way you want to help and I know over the next year there will be several ways to help so PLEASE only help in the best way for you.

I have a couple friends putting together a celebration benefit as well, because I plan to pull through all of this and dance with you! Even if it’s just tapping my toes! it is set for May 20th with music, a pulled pork dinner and a silent auction at the Rieder Homestead. It is already bringing me joy to look forward to celebrating with you. If you would rather offer help in that respect please reach out to Tiffiney Taylor or Tamie Kugler.

I am so very thankful to have each and everyone of you in my realm.

I am blessed. I thank you for your prayers, your positive energy, all of the ways you are reaching out in this time to lift up my boys and I. Community is amazing. Prayer is powerful. I am witness to the healing strength you are energizing me with on my dance with breast cancer.

Much love,

Sarah

P.S. Have you ever tried lifting a 20 foot section of a downed full grown tree by yourself? It’s impossible. But if you gather some friends, roll it on to some ropes, and all lift at the same time, that tree is darn near, light as a feather. (The Rieder boys here in town taught me that one.)