To all of those who have supported me so generously, here and in other ways,
I can't imagine anything more devastating or darker than losing my life partner, my soul mate, my best friend, my everything. Trying to make sense of something that defies sense and logic is one of the most difficult challenges I have ever faced. I found a love that will forever be in my heart and soul. A profound love, the deepest expression of the world and all its potential. I found the most amazing man, husband and father to our children, and not having him by my side has created an unfathomable hole in my heart. I will miss him every day but every day he will be remembered. Todd will always be with me. I am so thankful to have had 15 years with him and these beautiful children to get me out of bed every morning and to constantly remind me of the amazing man and father he was.
The generosity, love, support and compassion that have been offered to me so freely, by those I already hold dear and those I hardly knew before this tragedy, have been truly humbling. To say that I am thankful for all of you would be an understatement. All the late nights, the cleaning, the child care, food, contributions of all kinds- all the daily necessities and preparations that I couldn't even wrap my head around- allowed me to be with Todd during his last moments, allowed me to break down, allowed me to explore all these impossible questions. I can't really summon the words to express what it means to be the recipient of such kindness, to see in these moments of complete desolation that I am far from alone. While I can't help but feel so empty right now, I know that all of you are walking with me on this journey and will continue to do so. Your actions, your love and your support are a living tribute to Todd and everything he represented.
None of this is to say that I am without hope. All of you know me to be a person who keeps her promises. I promised Todd that he will never be forgotten, will always be loved and I will raise our children the way we intended. I promised my babies that I will always strive to be the best mother, the best role model, the best me. And now I promise all of you I will never stop thanking you, that I will be brave, I will be strong. I will also never be afraid to confront the feelings I have now, and those I'll surely experience in the future. I never imagined needing all of you in the way I do now, and I want you to know that your kindness and support will never be taken for granted, and will always be met with the absolute deepest gratitude.
In loving memory of my favorite man, the greatest man I will ever know.
All my love and thanks,
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