Hello, my name is Ruth.

During the first uk lockdown I had my first vaccination jab done. Unfortunately within a day or two I was awoken in the night with severe chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack. It wasn't, it was multiple blood clots in my lungs, in both lungs ans both upper and lower lobes for each. I was extremely unwell and put on blood thinners. I was advised to have the second jab as covid was so dangerous and now my lungs were damaged and compromised. So I had the 2nd jab and more clotting issues followed. I was changed from rivaroxaban to heparin at one point and that was when I had a rare kind of stroke with a blood clot in the venous sinus vein in my brain. I was quickly put back onto the rivaroxaban. It's been four years now of pain, tests, invasive procedures, horrible side effects from medication, self funded private haematologist sessions and tests as the NHS was severely failing during the lockdowns. I lost my job, I've been unable to work since. Then there's the toll this has all taken on my emotional and mental state. I already suffered with an anxiety disorder and depression which I was managing with medication. But the last four years have just been like a wrecking ball repeatedly smashing into my mental health. The prolonged stress of repeated health scares, near death experiences, finance struggles (almost lost my home), and the grieving for the fit, able bodied person I used to be, has just really crushed me. I don't want to go into the horror stories of the state of the health care services or anything else in here. It's been too much and is too hard to deal with.

I need an assistance dog for a number of reasons. Side effects of my blood thinners mean my blood pressure can drop and I just collapse, same if my blood oxygen levels get too low. This has happened before when I've been out, once in the middle of peterborough town centre. Needless to say I have terrible anxiety when going out the house and severe panic attacks. My spouse is my carer but honestly I just feel like a burden and that I'm ruining their life as well I have really intrusive depressive thoughts around this. My medication cannot be adjusted atm as some important biopsy results have been lost. I have tried CBT, Hypnotherapy, counselling, emdr, a variety of medications. I just don't know what else to do. My friends who run a rescue have had the ideal dog come in, young enough to train, right temperament etc. But I need to afford to course and exams to for him to have all the access to go wherever I go.

The number is big, but if many friends can contribute just a small amount eventually it can happen. I've been a total hermit, complete shut in, other than medical appointments, I've hardly seen my friends, I've missed so much as everything is passing me by.

Please help if you are able, and I understand if you are not, we are in hard times.