Rowan's Good Death

It is with deep sadness that we share that dear Rowan, who has bravely defied all odds and lived years beyond prognoses received during her journey with cancer, has reached the final stretch of her life. Rowan’s dearest wish at this time is to remain at her home for her final days and to die amidst loved ones, with the comforts of her kitty cat Kumba, the sights, smells, and comforts of her own bedroom, her precious altars and artwork, and her disco lights and all. Rowan longs to have a Good Death, in which she maintains connection, sovereignty, and dignity until her final moments. This fundraiser will help us give Rowan the sacred death experience she deserves.

Rowan entered home based hospice care at the end of March of this year. Hospice staff has been incredibly helpful and provides the medical support necessary to keep Rowan as comfortable as possible as she copes with the pain of late stage of cancer and advanced tumor growth. Since April she has required around the clock care, which is a service that hospice does not provide at home, so a very small team of Rowan’s closest loved ones stepped in and began rotating, sleepover shifts to ensure that we could cook for her, care for her home, manage hospice care provider appointments, offer loving presence and visits, and address all the day to day tasks the world demands even at life’s end.

Rowan’s care situation has been significantly complicated by the pandemic and quarantine. By necessity we have had to keep her care team very small in order to limit the team’s and Rowan’s exposure to the virus, in hopes that we could protect her from any further suffering. However, one care team member now must step away from her shifts due to obligations to family, and recently another care team member had to miss shifts due to illness, which has created a heavy strain on the dear women already sacrificing time away from family, losing income, and taking on increased risk of exposure to Covid all in the name of supporting Rowan’s greatest level of comfort in her final days.

Because of restrictions in place due to the risk of virus exposure, if Rowan were to have to leave the comfort of her home and go into inpatient hospice care, she would only be allowed two visitors total for the duration of her stay. This means she would have to choose to either be able to have visits with her two children in her final days or not to see them in order to see other friends or family for however long her dying process lasts. We believe it would be a tragedy and a huge stressor to Rowan and her children to disallow visits from either the children or her care team of very close friends or her mother, or to force her to make such difficult decisions in an already grief filled time. For this reason, we are asking for help to support Rowan having the most well loved and supported death experience possible. 

We need to hire professional medical support for two 24-hour shifts per week, which would allow the current team members to keep a manageable schedule with Rowan and have back up in case of illness or other unexpected interference. Our projected cost for this service is approximately $1000 per week. Of course, we do not know how much longer Rowan will live, but the hospice doctor believes it is realistic that she could live another month.

Additionally, we want to be prepared for additional end of life expenses related to Rowan’s cremation, memorial service, and anything else unexpected that may arise. Therefore, our goal for the fundraiser is $6000, which could easily provide one month of twice-weekly support staff shifts, plus about $2000 for additional expenses. In the event that we raise all these funds and find that we do not need as much as we raised, any additional funds will be given to Rowan’s children, who certainly need ongoing financial and other supports as they move forward from the significant loss of their mother.

This is a heartbreaking ask that we acknowledge we are asking at the most complicated of times in our world. Yet, we truly believe that providing a Good Death for our beloved friend will have energetic ripples that will fan out into the collective as we all work together to create a more beautiful, loving world. We know that Rowan would want you all to know that you have already supported her so generously, so lovingly and abundantly, and she has been exorbitantly grateful for every gift you have offered during these years of illness, healing, and ultimate submission. Now Rowan, her family, and her care team are incredibly grateful for any donation you can offer to support her and us during this precious but challenging time. Many many thanks to you, and may you all be safe, well, and connected.