Rob's Journey: Seeking Hope and Shelter

Hello. My Name is Rob.

I am close to losing my apartment and not having any money for bills and food.

By trade, I am an Information Technology support technician.

Back in late January, I was working a temporary position through a contract. the Job finished, and my contract was over much quicker than I had planned.

Suddenly, I am without work, and without an income as I desperately seem a new position part time or full time to pay my bills.

The biggest problems I am facing is not being able to pay my rent and becoming homless shortly here in the cold Northeast Ohio winter and paying my bills and of course food.

I curently have a few weeks before I lose my apartment and become homeless which is terrifying to me. Food is being rationed right now as much as possible until I can figure something out or get the help I need.

I have applied to receive both unemployment and food stamps but there seems to be problems with my applications, and I am patiently waiting while it is being sorted out. In the meantime, I do not have enough money for food or to pay my rent.

Who I am:

I am an Information Technology (IT) Professional by trade. I was most recently working as a contractor to avoid homelessness back in December and up to the end of January.

Then my contract ended in January of this year. I was not prepared for that.

I was barely able to make ends meet during that time, working paycheck to paycheck but for the two months I worked that contract, I was able to stay afloat.

I have been spending most of each day now searching, networking and reaching out to different services and people looking for help on how to land a new position.

However, time is running out!

It is winter here in Northeast Ohio and all I have is the possessions in my storage unit, what's in my apartment and my vehicle which I will have to live in if the worst happens.

How I got here:

Back at the end of 2021 I lost my dad after his 5 year struggle with dementia and then in Oct. 0f 2022, I lost my mom unexpectedly. I was not expecting to lose my mom so quickly after losing my dad!

After that happened, I went quickly back into the job market as I needed to land something to earn income as my worked was turned upside down and I was alone.

My mom and dad were my family, my best friends and my biggest supporters through some very difficult times in my life (I will explain further below).

From 2017 to mom's passing in 2022, I was the full-time caregiver for both of my parents at our house back in Bedford Heights Ohio. My career was on hold during that time and I made that choice.

Mom was 90 when she passed and dad was 91.

We lived in a split level home, the house they built together (It was a brand new development in 1966 - A year after they were married. I grew up in and lived in most of my life. Mom and dad were also married for 56 years.

I come from a very small family. I am not married and have no other relatives to reach out to during this time. This situation has come as a shock to me that I was not prepared for even though I knew the assignment would be temporary.

I am committed to never giving up and am reaching out everywhere I can for help.

Allow me share with you a bit about myself

I want to share with you part of the reason my parents were so important to me and why I would do and did anything for them: Including putting my career on hold to take care of them in the years leading up to their passing.

At the young age of 21 (April of that year) - I developed a chronic gastro intestinal illness that the doctors could not diagnose.

It is quite scary when you are very sick each day and the doctors are running tests which keep coming back negative and they can't figure out what is wrong with you.

I was in my second year at University and I had to drop out.

I would later go back over the course of 5-6 years off and on to take classes toward my degree depending on the severity of the illness at the time. There were many quarters (We were on the quarter system back then instead of semesters) where I would start school but have to drop out due to being sick and re-enroll in classes the next quarter - very determined). Remote and distance learning were not a thing yet in those days.

After several doctors essentially gave up on trying to figure out the root cause of my illness, our family doctor took me on as a special medical case. I owe a lot to him for his persistence and dedication during those years.

What was the illness?

I was sick (Running to the bathroom and diahhrea basically every day along with bad spams of the colon. I could not keep any food in me long enough to properly digest and I was losing weight at an alarming rate. I was beyond scared and remember walking in our backyard thinking I am not going to make it to age 25.

I would be in the bathroom for 3-4 hours a day sometimes. It got so bad, I stopped eating solid foods as I had developed such a fear of being sick afterwards. Then I was terrified when I started getting sick even though I was not eating. I learned from the doctor that my stomach actually shrunk from refusing to eat.

He told me straight out, that I will need to force myself to eat and expand my stomach and it was going to hurt, otherwise I would probably die. I remember that time period.

While my friends were finishing college and getting married, I was homebound most of the time.

Here is why I mention all this and how it ties to my situation.

My parents were there for me each day. By my side through all of it.

They supported me in ways I cannot describe. They provided a place to live, mom made specialized meals for me and many a night, either mom or dad would sit with me in the living room because I could not sleep due to pain.

I never felt alone. Scared yes. but never alone with them there.

What I remember too is the doctor saying his tests concluded that he believed it was a chemical imbalance in the brain which is involved in the digestive process.

I was put on 5-6 different medications including oxazepam to relax the colon. as we tried to find the right balance and it seemed to help a lot.

I had IBS too, but this was not IBS. This was something much different. Being sick daily, losing weight at a rapid pace and not being able to keep any food in my system after eating almost cost me my life at 25. There are a lot off details I won't get into

Over a period of a long time, I was stabilizing but still not functioning at any normal level and my quality of life was determined on how my gut was doing.

He tried many different medications to get a combination that worked. Good days and bad days as mom would say. Then she would tell me, focus on your good days and enjoy them when you have them and don't worry about when your next bad day will happen.

Mom and dad were there every day for me. Every step of the way

It is why when years later (See Below), I did not want to put them in a nursing facility but rather rake on all caregiving duties in the last years of their life. Sharing this part of the story here gives more context to that

I was getting a little better, it was an uphill climb for the next 20 years before the disease disappeared in late 2016. Yes 20 years! 2017, was the year I took on the role as caregiver for my parents.

During that 20+ year struggle, I pushed myself a lot as I was not going to let my health issues define me. I am not going to let my present situation define me either.

I started my career as a pc technician once I started getting better with the chronic illness. I worked hard to improve, and it was one step forward two steps back a lot back then with my health. Noone in my family has ever had a chronic health issue. It was just me.

As I was getting better, I was determined to work.

As my skills grew, I took on different small jobs with companies as a pc technician during the mid 90's and honed my craft. I had to step back many times, when the illness had gotten bad at times.

I was also able to get certified in CompTIA's A+ and Network+ certifications (Something I hope to renew) and I was able to start my own very small business doing pc technical support. All while dealing with this illness. Over time, the market changed as technology and adoption of Tech changed a lot and I was not able to keep up at the time and scale by business to meet the changes in the market.

Again, my parents were by my side the whole time. Cheering for me during the wins and being there and supporting me when there were periods of sick time when the illness set me back. Chronic illnesses are different from just being sick. It is a different thing altogether.

Even though the medications I was on helped stabilize me a lot, I had periods of flare ups which really set me back. It was still a fight, but over the years, slow and steady progress was being made.

Important to note: It was ruled out that this was psychosomatic or related to stress. It was determined that there was something not functioning with the genetic makeup of my digestive system affecting digestion at the basic level.

Even though I was effectively working at the time, I was not making enough with my small business to support myself. The flexibility of running my own business though gave me chance to reschedule with clients if I was having "a bad health day" which was a benefit.

I did not want to be a burden to my parents, and I wanted to get out on my own and "leave the nest" but my health was still very fragile. I could go longer stretches without being sick but then a bad period would sometimes last a week or more.

I remember sharing my concern of not wanting to be a burden and getting out there on my own with my mom. I remember her response: "We (she and my dad) want you to get healthy. That is what is important. Your career can wait"

Mom and dad were my guardian angels during all those years of my life. She later referred to me as the guardian angel during the caregiving years later on.

Dad at times I remember, would say many times throughout the years, "Rob, you always have a home here". I never appreciated that as much as I do now.

Note:

I don't know how much longer I can stay in my apartment depending on how things go moving forward. Believe me, I am doing all I can to not lose everything.

Later on, I developed another condition involving the colon and I am knocking on wood - I have been doing ok with it for the past several years.

During the years prior, we moved on from our family doctor and there were new doctors. Over time, I was "weened" off of many of the meds I have been taking for many years. I was still taking one medication until late 2016 when I started to develop side effects that could be life threatening.

I made a decision to get off that medication after being on it for 25+ years. I went off of it "cold turkey" and that was the week just before Thanksgiving 2016.

I thought I would have a major relapse but instead the illness got better! What? Yes. I was just as surprised and confused myself at the time

Doing some research at the time on this med, I learned it was pretty powerful and worked by changing some parts of the brain. Explains, why my cognitive functioning was so different (I was able to think so much clearer and at higher levels than ever before) over a period of a few months being off it. I was also alert and not sleepy so much and felt extremely focused and sharp. This was all new!

On the other side of that though, this medication helped stabilize my digestion and kept me off a feeding tube which is what I was told one day if things did not improve.

By 2017, I was a new person. I was also eager to get back to my career! A fresh start!

Something Happened that changed everything

2017 was the year my parents started having health related issues.

Just as I was doing remarkably better, each of them were starting to have problems.

Dad was showing signs of early dementia. At the time I had no idea how this would impact our family, or our lives.

Mom was having increasing problems with hip, leg and mobility.

Eventually, she would be wheelchair bound at the end of her life.

Important Note:

I tell you all of the above to give better context of why I chose to put job and career on hold and become a caregiver for my parents. It was my turn to be there for them as they were there for me.

Dad's dementia and providing care for him along with mom who helped a lot during those years was very challenging. It was talked about along with another family member whom I chose to not speak about earlier, about putting him in a facility. Both mom and dad (Especially dad) did not want that.

Soon, neither parent was able to keep up with the work that needed to be done around the house and I took over everything which I was happy to do.

By 2019, I was doing all the shopping, laundry, dishes cleaning and meal preparation and helping each parent with getting dressed.

During this time, usually in the afternoons between meals and in the late evenings, I studied and kept up with trends happening in my field.

Things take a bad turn

One Sunday afternoon, I was out at a festival in at the square in the next town. I get a call from my mom. "Dad just drove the car threw the garage door" What? Is he hurt? Were you with him?" No one is hurt and yes she was with him but she told me I need to come home quick please!

I arrived and Yeah! The car was right through the door and pinned up against the snow blower which was crushed but prevented the car from going up against the back wall of the garage. Mom was with him in the passenger seat.

Dad was very confused. "My foot slipped off the pedal" he said. Dad was an excellent driver his whole life and this was troublesome and scary. Mom said, he became confused as to which pedal was the brake and which the accelerator. Also, the garage door was not even open when he was driving right toward it. She was in the car with him at the time.

The Diagnosis

We had our family doctor run some tests and yes, the results came back that he had early signs of dementia. During a chance conversation with a family friend on the phone, I mentioned what happened and the diagnosis we received. She told me what to expect moving forward and what would most likely play out depending on how fast it progressed as her husband had recently passed of complications from dementia.

Some time went by, and dad was not able to comprehend things anymore. I was not able to even have conversations with him for more and a minute before he wasn't able to comprehend what we were talking about. He would have emotional outbursts and mood swings which were scary to me.

Mom did not want dad going into a home, but she could not take care of him alone and she had mobility issues and needed help getting around the house. The mobility issues worsened over the years eventually leading to a wheelchair.

The good news is that I was healthier than I ever had been since I was a teenager before getting sick, and I was able to take on and manage all the work without compromising my health except for some bouts with my IBS.

A realization

I chose my parents over everything else.

Where I live now, I am literally down the street from where my parents are buried. Lat Fall when I was visiting their grave sites, it dawned on me.

I have been struggling but one thing I was happy about and had no regrets about was that I did all I could for them while they were alive.

I gave them a better quality of life than they would have had without me being there those years. And they gave me hope and such a better quality of life than I would have had during my darkest years when I was sick.

As mentioned, even though mom did not have dementia she had serious mobility issues as I mentioned and could not walk up and down the stairs of our house without assistance each time.

We either needed to a new place or she and dad needed someone there full time. I became the caregiver and later, when we hired a Medicaid lawyer, I was able to sign a legal document proving so. This helped a lot when dealing with Medicaid.

Dad would not move out of the house even though we explained the reasons why it was a good idea. He fought the idea hard.

I was dedicated and willing to stay there and help as long as needed. With mom's permission, I started selling things from around the house to downsize and also bring in much needed money for bills, food and property tax.

My parents tried for assistance from the gov't but were denied. I forgot the reason, but I think it had to do with the number of people living in the household and the amount of social security they received as income which put them just out of range for assistance.

We pooled all our money to make ends meet for several years including the year of the pandemic. That year, I worked hard to keep my parents safe and healthy because they were extra vulnerable due to their age and health issues.

I made meals, bought groceries, did laundry and handled all household chores including working with service people when the hot water tank died and a later on the furnace (23 years old) died right after thanksgiving.

My Promise to my Parents

I told my mom I would stick with them the whole way through.

Again, they were there for me when I was so sick and never was there talk of kicking me out due to my age and being too old to be home. Getting healthy was all that mattered to me and to them.

Thank You Mom and Dad!

Times were tough

Living with a dementia patient who already has a strong will and personality is tough. Very tough. There were nights I cried after both mom and dad were asleep. Sometimes, dad would not go to sleep and we noticed that he would talk to himself a lot when he was alone. It was the dementia. He never did this before in his life and Mom would calm him at night telling him it's time to sleep.

My world gets turned upside down again

On Labor Day 2021, my life changed forever when mom came into my room around 8am and said dad is sick. What? What is happening? I thought. He also had a heart issue that was diagnosed a few years earlier and we were told it was not a complicated surgery and was fixable. However, his body had become frail due to the dementia. He was too high risk for undergoing the operation. He had a high chance of dying during the procedure, so it was decided to just help him live as comfortably as possible.

that morning, he was throwing up and mom said that he also started to lose control over bodily functions. That is all I remember from the morning. 911 was called and he was taken via ambulance to the hospital.

After the hospital, he needed to go into a nursing home as now he needed round the clock care as he had no more control over bodily functions.

It was decided that there was no other option and that he could not come back home because he needed nursing care round the clock now and was bedridden permanently. I felt so bad for him. He had been so healthy all his life while I was the one with the serious health issues earlier and now this

His body was giving out. The dementia had progressed slowly over the last several years and in 2021 it progressed and got very aggressive. He had lost a lot of weight and looked very frail.

Mom and I decided it was now time to sell the house.

Dad went into the nursing home in late Sept 2021 and in the early morning on Nov. 1, 2021, he passed away.

The upside was I was able to provide a quality of life at our house that he and mom would not have had if dad went into a nursing home sooner. Mom would have gone with him she said if he did go. We waited until that was the only option.

Mom and I moved out of the house late January of 2022. It was seven degrees Fahrenheit outside the day we moved.

Mom's mobility had deteriated a lot and she needed more help than before. I asked her about a nursing home. She strongly refused and I said, that's good to hear. I am happy to continue providing care and taking care of things for you Mom. No problem. We moved to an apartment across town. The plan was for me to land a remote job so I could be there if mom needed me but still earn money to pay bills.

In the spring of that same year, mom came down with pneumonia (She seemed to have a history of chronic cases when the seasons changed) and she was having trouble breathing.

I called 911 and they took mom to the hospital and her blood oxygen was in the low 60's. They confirmed pneumonia and she was admitted. Without me being there or calling 911, we might have lost her during the course of that night.

She recovered but lost a lot of strength in her low body. She could no longer get up and walk without assistance even with her rollator. She received some physical therapy, but Medicaid only allowed for a set number of sessions.

That lawyer kept me from being homeless back then as my whole world was tied into my parents during the caregiving years. I am still grateful to him.

Mom was two weeks away from being approved by Medicaid with the lawyers' help, to be moved to the new facility and get more physical therapy. Mom would tell me she was determined to get mobility back and get back to the apartment. We were only there for three months before this pneumonia started.

I visited mom each day. I would take her out almost daily to "escape" as we would call it. Mom had a great sense of humor and she got my sense of humor which is awesome. She was my best friend and my rock through everything I had endured. She did not like being at the nursing home and wanted to come back to the apartment. However, she realized that she was not able to get up and go to the bathroom without assistance. And she decided that she needed to stay until she got the additional therapy at the new facility. Then she would be home again.

During that time, I received word that the grave marker for my dad's grave was ready and they had just placed it on his grave.

I called mom that Friday asking her if she wanted to go see it. She did not want to put me out as it was a long drive across town, and she said she needed help getting ready and did not want to take up my whole day. Oh Posh! I told her! It was no trouble, and if we leave now, we can be back before it gets late.

I was at the apartment we shared and while it was a senior apartment, I was able to be added to the lease because I was her full-time caregiver.

Mom and I were both anxious for her to come back home. I was happy to help with all the duties as I did before once she did come back home. She told me she was not strong enough to walk to the bathroom on her own and did not want me to handle that issue. She assured me that once she got to the new facility and got the therapy, she would work hard to get strength back and to be patient.

I helped her get ready at the nursing home, and we were on our way.

I helped her in the car, and we were off to the cemetery to see my dad's new marker.

Once there she could not walk outside so I came up with an idea. We each had an iPhone and I setup a facetime call and she stayed in the car, and I went over and held the phone over dad's marker at his gravesite. We talked through the phone, and she got to see it. We had it specially made to include his ham radio call sign as he loved ham radio. He was an active ham for over 60 years.

When I got back to the car, I gave mom a long hug and told her I am in no hurry for her to join dad and how much I missed him. I told her I want her to be around for a long time. at least several more years!

The next day, Saturday, I get a call from mom at the nursing home telling me not to stop by as she is not feeling well, and she sounded congested again. OK. I will stay home mom and check on her tomorrow.

Sunday comes and she calls again, don't visit me, there might be something going around her and I don't' feel well still. I have a bad feeling this time. She wants to rest so we end the call.

My life turns upside down again and I will never be the same

Monday morning, I am awakened by a call at around 9AM by the nursing home people. Mom was having trouble breathing and the EMT's are on their way to take her to the hospital.

Now, the nursing home was just around the corner literally from our new apartment and I raced over there immediately.

When I got there, they said she had just passed away probably while I was en route and the EMT's had just left. They tried but could not revive her. She had a heart attack.

No! My world forever changed again that day and a part of me died as well that day.

I had lost my best friend, my mom and my biggest supporter in life.

Afterwards, my sister said to me that she could not help me moving forward.

This was Oct. 2022 almost one year short of a month after my dad passed. I was not ready for this!

I was now alone.

I also had to be out of the apartment in January at the end of the lease due to not being 55 and mom not living there anymore.

Since then, I have been trying to get stabilized.

I was able to secure a few jobs fortunately within my field.

I was able to build up my resume and pushed myself in ways I never could have during all those years dealing with the chronic illness.

I shared all that from the early years to give context as to why I never gave a thought to abandoning my parents at the end of their life and why I have their picture displayed on this page.

My health has stayed strong. I am so grateful considering the stress I have been under

Present day and my situation

I was just earning just enough to barely get by and putting more and more on my credit cards each month to cover expenses that were left over.

Then, this past January my latest contract ended as I was only needed for a certain time until the work was done, and it finished earlier than I had expected.

I am just about out of money, desperately trying to find anything within my field and outside of my field to keep fed, pay the bills and not be homeless which seems like a certainty. Rent is $100 per month.

I have been scared each day but am determined to find a new position or any type of work that will provide income.

I am scared and my full-time job now is to land something to stay afloat which leads me here. I do not reach out for this type of help unless I am really up against things. My back is up against wall right now.

I have one friend who has known me most of my life and he calls and offers support as well as given me advice about the job market. He is not able to take me in. That is ok.

I share my early history as well as the years I spent caring my parents because they were always there for me. Since their passing, I have worked very hard to restart and rebuild my career. I was making a lot of progress and able to do things that earlier in my life, were just not possible. I never gave up and I will never give up moving forward.

Any donations I receive are going directly to rent to keep my apartment and for food. Each day, my full-time job now is to find another job before time runs out.

Thank You for reading and for letting me share my story with you

God Bless