Hey I’m Gelf and I’m currently living in a waking nightmare. This is a bit of a read so I apologise but please, bare with.

I have autism, ADHD-C type and have suffered with severe CPTSD since my childhood. This causes a lot of struggles for me and my life has been a battle every day but one of the biggest problems I have is extreme misophonia. This condition means that certain noises can be incredibly distressing to me, especially noises that remind me of the years of abuse I suffered as a child.

For the last year I’ve lived in a house with paper thin walls next to a toxic family of 6 who don’t seem to care that they have neighbours on both sides of their house. I can’t sleep, I can’t relax, I can’t get through a single day without panic attacks, meltdowns or fits of noise induced rage, anxiety and depression. Every few minutes a new panic attack is triggered by slamming, parents screaming at their children and children screaming and fighting with each other. The children seemingly look after themselves and only half of them go to school. I did the whole council thing, I had 3 separate machines in my house and after months and months of reporting, I was finally told that because it’s children making the noise they’re refusing to help me and I’m not allowed to continue reporting from now on.

On top of everything, the slumlords who own the house I rent would rather have me move out than soundproof the house or improve it in any way and have decided not to renew my tenancy when it runs out in a couple of months. This has come hot on the heels of me losing my ability to work due to mental and physical health issues and simultaneously being denied benefits because I’m not “disabled enough”. I’m now at risk of being homeless.

I’m so terrified of renting a new place only to end up in the same situation a year later. I can’t afford to continue to rent and I can’t risk getting stuck in another environment that destroys me. I genuinely don’t think I’d survive and I’m not being dramatic. I want my life back. I want independence and I want to be able work for what I have, not be stuck in a never ending cycle of mental health issues and adding extra drain on a benefit system that is already failing so many people who are way less able than I am.

This is why I’m asking for your help to get my license and a van to live in for the next couple of years until I can afford to actually choose the home I move into instead of moving into the first house I can afford. I don’t have a license yet and I’m hoping that gaining my licence will also enable me to start working again without burning myself out.

Van life may sound exhausting for some but before this hellhole I lived in a caravan for half a year and was more at peace than I had ever been. Deciding to move into a house so people wouldn’t judge me was one of the worst decisions I could have made and I ended up having to get rid of my caravan to do it. Now I’m stuck and I can’t gather the funds to get myself unstuck without help.

If you can help me, please do consider it. I don’t like to accept money for nothing though and instead would love to send a hand made crochet scarf/beanie/socks etc to anyone who donates.

Thank you, Gelf.