Return Elissa to Health

*** Note that GoFund Me charges 2.9% + $0.30 for each transaction. Please see the bottom of this page if you'd like to support us through a different medium. ***

Dear Humans,

I want to share with you my story of abuse, chronic illness, and finally, hope. While I originally wrote this to my family and friends as an act of freedom for myself, I share this with you now because I need your help to become well again, and because I want to use my experience to help others become well too.

My name is Elissa Carroll, and I was sexually, verbally, physically, and emotionally abused by my grandfather David from the time I was 6 years old until I moved to college. This began a cycle of chronic illness that has come and gone over the years but finally reached a peak in the last 2 years. As of now, I cannot work and can barely walk or even function.

While my husband Eric and I have finally found a doctor who specializes in my various diagnoses and can provide the treatment I need to become well again, our insurance won’t cover the treatment, and it is significantly more than we can currently afford. We have already spent ~$50,000 (the majority of our savings) and we still have a long way to go. My treatment plan will last ~2 years. Between the monthly cost of medication ($4,616/month beyond what we can afford) and the various treatments during that time ($67,000), we are hoping to raise a total of $178,000.

It is nerve-wracking to open up and share about my health. If you’ve met me in person, you probably think of me as kind, intelligent, and emotionally involved; as someone who has always wanted to find ways to support others and who truly, deeply cares about leaving the world a richer place through their life. I yearn to be able to be that person, free to be, free to do, free to live and contribute. I envision and imagine a day when I am free of pain. When my muscles, skin, bones, and joints don’t always hurt. Where I can walk freely again or even attain my goal of doing off-trail marathons. I imagine myself being able to contribute to scientific research that changes the lives of more people than I will ever meet for the better. I imagine being able to share my story of abuse, disease, and healing with whoever wants or needs to hear it so that they can find hope and can continue to move ever forward in their lives. I have so many dreams and goals that I wish to accomplish and I do truly believe that I will attain them. I just need support to do so.

Diagnosis

I was diagnosed with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and have a host of other diagnoses including heavy metal toxicity, neural inflammation, low mitochondria count, and severe Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). This has left me extremely fatigued and in constant pain. I am frequently nauseous and dizzy and deal with vertigo. Even light movement like walking to the mailbox worsens all of these symptoms, often for days at a time. My diet is severely restricted and there is nothing I can eat without painful cramping and distention. I have anxiety and PTSD. This list goes on.

While I have dealt with variations of these symptoms since I was 17, my health has steeply declined within the last 2 years. After visiting many doctors who had no idea what was going on, I found a doctor who specializes in both PTSD and chronic inflammatory disorders. None of my symptoms were surprising to him.

All my different health issues stem from my traumatic childhood. My grandfather David sexually, verbally, physically, and emotionally abused me throughout my entire childhood. Through specialized brain scans and MRIs, we were able to determine that my brain developed in a constant state of fight or flight, making me incapable of entering a state where I relax, digest and rest. This has led to my body being in a constant state of inflammation and stress for decades, which is the root cause of my current health crisis. A system under constant strain weakens, breaks down, and eventually only knows how to operate in a faulty state.

Treatment

The good news is that my condition is almost entirely reversible. With the correct treatment, I should be able to be pain-free and have very reduced symptoms within a year, and be back to close to normal within 2 years. I feel extremely fortunate that this is the case and that I can become healthy for the first time in my adult life. However, treatment will be very intense and expensive, especially for the next year. My treatment is broken down into 4 main stages, and I am currently in the first 2 stages.

The first and most important stage is retraining my brain so it is no longer in permanent fight or flight mode. I am doing daily cognitive therapy to rewire my brain so it can relax and allow my body to recuperate.

The second stage targets MCAS/IBS, both of which cause most of my pain and reactivity. I am taking about a dozen different medications to prevent my body from being constantly inflamed and killing off gut pathogens that are inhibiting my ability to digest foods. Much of our monthly costs come from these medications.

The third stage involves replenishing the nutrients my body is lacking from being unable to digest foods. This consists of me taking many supplements and going for in-person IV treatments. Most of the remaining monthly cost comes from this.

Finally, once my body is less inflamed and more nourished, we will support my immune system in clearing out heavy metals and other toxins that have accumulated.

Throughout all stages, I will need various specialized procedures (IV treatments, dental work, cervical spine work) and additional testing to verify the efficacy of the treatments.

Costs

Our main goal is to raise support for the monthly medication fee of $4,616 for 1 to 2 years. This will amount to $110,784 after 2 years. We also need support for the additional testing and specialized procedures. We estimate that those will be ~$67,000 over the next 1.5 years. Altogether, if we raise ~ $178,000, we know that we would be able to cover my medical fees over the next 2 years. After 2 years, we expect the monthly medication costs to drop significantly and for me to be able to work again, which will allow us to cover any further costs on our own.

Closing Remarks

The process of writing this has been incredibly freeing. The memories of much of my abuse surfaced just in the last 5 years after my grandfather passed. To keep me sane while growing up, my brain lived two separate realities. One in which my grandfather loved me, and my family and I were safe and healthy. One in which I was terribly, horribly abused. My brain is still protecting me, and as a consequence, I still don’t have access to the majority of my childhood memories.

The freedom I talk about is the freedom to have a real relationship with others. Once I started to remember what happened, I didn’t know how to interact with people who thought they knew me but didn’t know about my abuse and my chronic health issues. Both are such large parts of my life and have made me the person I am today. Sharing this now frees me to have an honest relationship with you. It frees me to feel seen and heard without having to think about how to explain this to you, or to share over and over again with people who will be devastated by what I have to say.

Weighing on my heart is the need to share that abuse is not uncommon. What is uncommon is talking about it. When left unseen and unspoken, it can fester into innumerable health and relationship problems. Without addressing my past trauma, I would be unable to ever be truly well again. Time and time again, I see friends and family members suffer from chronic ailments that they cannot overcome. And time and again, they open up to me about a history of abuse and trauma. The biggest thing I have learned from my illness is that the root cause needs to be seen and needs to be spoken. Only then can we begin the long process of healing.

If you have experienced abuse of any kind in your life, please know when you read this that you are not alone. If you want or need to, please reach out and I would hear your story. One of the most important things I have learned is that our brains are capable of learning new patterns. If you suffer from chronic physical and mental health ailments, know that you CAN retrain your brain to help it overcome any cycle it may be stuck in.

Donate and Contact

If you are financially able to contribute any amount, it would make a world of difference to Eric and me. We truly cannot do this on our own. Whether or not you can donate, the best way for us to reach our goal is for you to share this with your own family and friends. You never know who this might reach that needs to hear about the profound effects mental trauma can have on their physical health, that they aren’t alone, and that there are tools out there to heal.

We sincerely thank you.

GoFundMe (Here!): https://gofund.me/1b9961b2

Utilize Zell through your bank, Search for ericgmiddleton (AT) gmail (DOt) com

Venmo

Reach Elissa: normalizemcas (AT) Gmail (DOT) com

* note GoFundMe won't let there be full emails hence the odd format :)