Rest in peace Joshua

Joshua Kim. My 9 year old son passed away on February 17 2017 on Friday around 4:30am.

Joshua was declined to get on a life insurance because of his genetic illness.

Joshua had Lesch-nyhan syndrome which is similar to C.P. plus self insuring behavior. His body still shows all the scars on his fingers specially on his left thumb.

He is a happy, easy going, fun loving little boy contrary to what he had to bear every moment.

Fight himself from hurting himself. He had compulsion to hurt himself every 3 to 5 seconds.

When I put him on the bed and lie down and wait for him to fall asleep. I needed to hold his right hand because he tried to put in his mouth and chew on it constantly until his medication puts him in asleep.

I had to make a final and agonying decision to pull all his teeth out after 8 years of trying not to.

I remember him pewking blood in the Alberta children's hospital because of the intense dental surgery. I could not stay, the nurse made way in and out but his mom stayed and helped him to through up.

My wife says at the body of Joshua that he is the angel for her. But I know the other way is more likely true.

Now facing the funeral, as my position as the father have to ask financial help.

Finally we got a place to call home, a place where it is equipped for my family with Joshua. My son grew in a small run down motel which has been my family's business for almost 6 years. We have so much of memory in that motel but it wasn't a place for kids to grow.

It took more than a year to find one and about 5 months to get in until the renovation complete. We put an elevator so Joshua can go main floor to garage to the basement. He loved getting in the elevator and when he stretched his arms and legs with excitement. I miss him so much writing this in my son's bedroom.

We put his own shower room in his bedroom with a corner sink and toilet. He loved to have a shower there. Hahaha.

My regret is that he only got to use it for 4 months and he is no more here.

I feel very silly for all the investments and renovations on the house now. If only did I know... Those burdens sitting on my shoulders while the person who is to use them is no more.

My friend enlightened me in the regret. She said Joshua could've died in the motel. I woke up from my sorrow and I thanked her. My regret would've been greater if he passed in the motel. I thank you for that my son.

I am not good at asking help but I know it is time for me to put down myself and ask help.

Thank you.