Just help me please

UPDATE: so I got my results and it turns out it’s not great news. A lot of it I don’t really want or feel like I have to share with everyone - but I’m not well and I’m processing a lot mentally.

physically, I’m in pain - I’m homebound for a while really.

I’ve been referred for physiotherapy on my soft tissue damage in my arm and on my back. I’ve also been referred back to my gynaecologist/oncologist. And I’ve been referred to a specialist for pain management.

Im no longer covered for physiotherapy either so until I have the funds to pay for my sessions - im basically SOL.

initial assessment is 160$

each hour long session is 140$

I will need 12 weeks of it, I’m really upset because I just can’t afford it but I NEED it.

I really need some damn help so much!

im already struggling to survive - my personal expenses while being sick the last 12 days have gone up a lot - needing groceries and vitamins delivered. Having to pay for my medications that aren’t covered. Having to travel to and from the hospital. Having had to order food for my kids because I was too sick to move. Having to pay for medical supplies - antibacterial soap and medicine, an abundance of gauze and wraps, saline water bottles, the arm slings, the bandage wraps… it’s so damn much and this really sucks and I hate having to ask for help but I don’t know what else to do right now.

please help me.

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I hate over exaggerated pleas for help so keeping this as short as possible.

I’ve been BUSTING my ass trying to build a company for myself that will help the community but for the last 5 months I’ve been doing it while homeless. I’ve had to dip into my own savings for a home to get things paid for in hopes that I’d somehow make it back but it seems like I’m losing more and more every time.

I go above and beyond to make sure everything is taken care of and that bands who come in from far are taken care of, have food and hotels, renting PAs, literally driving some of them to their shows because they have no way there.

(I was told recently by someone who has been in the business a long time that all that ACTUALLY comes out of guarantees for the bands because it actually isn’t my job to have to do it out of pocket but if I don’t then people attack ME and say that I’m not paying them and this and that and more bullshit - so when I can’t be taken advantage of, I’m turned into the bad guy)

I’ve been doing this sick for the last two months, I had an infection around the lining of my heart and it caused me to have a heart attack in May. That and high amounts of stress. I took antibiotics but still it didn’t clear up. I ended up needing angioplasty and it worked - I guess - but then I had an allergic reaction to something (maybe the materials used IDK) and ended up in anaphylaxis. I continued to push myself more and more to make sure that shows didn’t need to be cancelled and I ended up in sepsis from the infection that never healed. Not sure if anyone has seen me but typically after a day or two of work, I have no voice left and I’m sore and I’m generally stressed trying to not let people see HOW MUCH PAIN I’m actually in.

Im lucky that I went to the hospital when I did, I had a high fever and my blood pressure was 90/60. Which is bad. I have a widespread infection that is attacking my system - and I have lupus so it means my body already attacks healthy cells.

I feel like I’m dying and if I hadn’t have had heavy doses of antibiotics fed through an IV to me for the last two days as well as inter muscular antibiotics, I’d be in septic shock and that could literally kill me; the survival rate for septic shock is 20%, an 80% mortality rate for an otherwise healthy human being - remember… I have lupus, which already causes organ failure, so I would be dead. Those chances of survival decrease with chronic illness that already attacks healthy cells.

I can’t leave the house to work, I can’t focus on anything, I’m depressed and I’m stressed out and frankly, I am VERY alone in my suffering because people simply don’t give a fuck about me. I can’t leave the house to get groceries, I can’t leave the house at all. My kids are here just watching me sick and gushing out blood from my arm where I have a massive muscular infection that isn’t going away. I feel deformed.

im hit with paying for the medical supplies, I’m behind on my bills because everything I have has been going to taking care of everyone else, I am exhausted, I’m fucking drained.

mentally I haven’t been okay and last month I tried to kill myself - something a lot of people don’t know. I have given up on life and taking care of myself but realistically I have 4 kids who need me so I’ve had to talk myself out it. I’ve had to hold tight and hope for things to get better. But I have no more. No more to offer. No more left to move. No more left in me. I give up really.

im not good at asking for help and when I do I usually have to hear about how “other people do it alone” and “well it’s not our job to help you” and more bullshit. And yet I fucking help everyone. I can’t work right now. I’m stuck at home receiving home care and literally feel like I’m slowly dying. My arm is swollen and the muscle is infected and I will likely end up with nerve damage in my left arm because of it. My heart rate is super fast and I’m exhausted. Beyond exhausted. I’ve been sleeping so much, I feel bad for my kids who just wanna go outside and play and I can’t even take them. They’re stuck inside watching me sick AGAIN and they’re scared. They have nothing to do because we lost everything when I moved and was taken advantage of by my ex friend. Who is now using my belongings in her little videos.

so just please help me, help me get back on my feet, please help me pay for these supplies so I don’t die, please help me.

That’s really all I have to say.

please help me.

funds will be used to help me pay for my physiotherapy, pay for the supplies I was sent, and to take care of myself for the next few weeks (eat healthier, get vitamins, pay for my epipen, help me get to my follow up appointments etc) to feed my kids, to have groceries delivered, to help me cover everything that currently needs to be covered so I can live.