Mental health support

Hi friends,

I am looking for some help. Earlier this year I took out a loan to pay for some mental health support that was not covered by my insurance. I thought I would be able to pay it off easily with fire season and so took a risk and went above my means to access it. To save money on rent since employee housing wasn’t available for females on my crew I decided to live out of my truck for my fire season in the Eastern Cascades of Washington. When my truck then broke down and came out of the shop with a $4k repair, I felt pretty sunk but called it my rent and went on, determined to keep trying. Two and a half months of barely any days off later, I could not hold it together and I left my job. The last couple of months have been difficult for me to function. I just drove across the country to be with family.

It has been hard for me to ask for help when I have built an entire identity around being self-sufficient. This morning I opened a book of Tao readings to a page that said, “being self-sufficient is not the same as being isolated.” It hit me pretty hard that all along, I have tried to do this thing alone. This surviving thing. If I am capable of running a chainsaw 40 hours a week or working a fire job 60+ hours a week, I must also be capable of asking for help when I need it. That mental health support I sought out was a result of me not reaching out to the wealth of community and support already surrounding me in my life. And I realize the support I actually need is that of my community.

Almost giving up, which is a place I have visited many times recently, would have been giving up on all of you, and I am starting to see there are other possibilities. I have realized this in the small and beautiful ways people have started showing up for me. You know who you are and I appreciate you. This lesson is a big one for me. I appreciate you for taking the time to read this. If you have a means of helping financially I will use any support to cover the health costs I accrued so that I can move forward and practice reaching out instead to friends and family and pursue support within my means and network. I also know and respect how hard you are working to meet your own needs in this day and age, and want to offer that shoutouts of encouragement and solidarity are also equally and sincerely appreciated.

with gratitude,

Lucy