I feel the need to come clean about a few things, (maybe just one thing for now.) & ask you for your help.
I guess I'll just get right into it.
I have PTSD.
I have PTSD for multiple happenstances in my lifetime & for multiple reasons.
I struggle with many different traumas.
Quite frankly, it's horrendous.
For everyone PTSD is different, but let me try my best to paint a picture of what my PTSD means:
Not a day goes by that something doesn't set me off.
This means I freeze; sometimes for hours on end, unable to do much of anything.
This means I panic & my weak heart races & can go into tachycardia, making my overall body ache near constantly.
This means it's hard for me to eat properly. This is not okay because I am already borderline underweight, where malnourishment is an issue.
This means my attention is in the present with you, but with all of my traumatic experiences playing out in the back of my mind.
This means my speech is broken. In social situations I stammer & often times can't express myself properly through words.
This means depression is also a constant & nothing can fix this but lots of time, love & support.
This means I'm overall and generally stressed out. I become exhausted easily & generally can barely function like most people would.
I feel disabled at this point, but I do try my best to get out & be social as much as possible & put on a "mask" if you will.
I find my highs on sunny days like today & when I'm out & about, but that only really lasts for about an hour or two until I inevitably stray back to my constant lows.
If I push my body too far, you may see me physically shaking & jolting involuntarily.
I've been through group therapy in the past, but no longer have the proper means of clinical mental support.
What also helps me fight past these are essential vitamins that I cannot afford.
I'm actually trying my hardest to keep healthy. Mentally & physically. But it's exhausting, and is an uphill battle that I do my best to fight every day.
But mentally & physically, I can't hold a job.
My body can't keep up with the demands given my current health.
I have done it in the past, and I would love to be able to do it again someday, but my health has declined to a point where I'm stuck needing to prioritize it so my body doesn't collapse.
Which is unfortunate, because that income would be exactly what I would need to get the support that I need.
If it weren't for my mother, I wouldn't have a roof over my head. But things are not easy for her either, and despite that she still does her best to make ends meet.
Everyone has their own issues, trust me. I know.
Onto the main point, and my solution. The thing I've needed for so long, but haven't had any means of doing on my own.
The entirety of my possessions; my life, my home-business, all of my belongings, are in Labrador in a storage unit.
I left the area last March, and have no means to go back there to retrieve my posessions.
I have been unable to have any sort of access to these belongings, nor will I ever in my lifetime at this rate.
As such, they have essentially been taken from me indefinitely.
I chose the cheapest storage option which is being paid for by a friend, because I can't even afford food on a good week.
If not for that friend, I would have to been forced to let go of most everything I've ever owned.
The contents of my possessions in storage could actually help me do something I love & make enough money to eat.
Enough money to start my life up again.
I'm ready to start living again, I can't hunker away in my bedroom anymore.
Or someday, my bedroom will be the streets.
Quite frankly, I need to take action before life brings me to that point.
The goal here is not for me to mooch off of others, but for me to finally have one leg to stand on in life.
To gain my own independence for the first time in what feels like forever & realistically, may truly be the first time.
Life has absolutely ripped every opportunity from me since I was a child up until not even a year ago,
But even still, struggling with the most recent reason for a new bout of PTSD's consequences in the present.
So it's not easy even being away from the situations that damaged me, but I need to take action now.
I cannot afford to wait any longer.
In total, the cost of bringing everything back is about $2,150.00.
These funds would go towards transporting 18 boxes via courier. These boxes contain my commission supplies, my computer, my sewing machine, etc. This would enable me to continue to work from home, & make/sell objects. Along with my art, costume & general commission supplies, these boxes contain my clothes & very sentimental items that I can never get back.
I am living off of $50 from the government every two weeks, which goes towards paying for necessities (i.e., food).
I can't afford the same luxuries as other people, like clothes, entertainment or even a warm home.
I don't have internet at home. I don't have much if I'm being honest.
But I'd really like to get it back so I can get out of this cycle.
I cannot emphasize just how much I need my belongings so I can continue my life, career, & potentially make enough to get internet at home to continue to grow.
So I can continue to work from home. Making costumes, plushies, doing art, etc.
I need this in my life.
I've thought about this extensively for months on end, but I've decided to publicly ask for help.
I'm going to start a GoFundMe, but I'm also going to do my best to work for my money.
I want to be able to stream games, alone or with friends, & try to do funny little play throughs.
I love to voice act & say dumb things that make people laugh. It actually keeps me going, and would love to do voiceover work.
My passions in life are intact, but being unable to retrieve these belongings is the one thing that will forever prevent me from starting my life, without proper action.
I was so afraid to talk about this before. I still am afraid.
Please, at the very least, understand that life has not been good to me.
This doesn't mean you have to treat me any differently. I still hope for people to see me as the person I want to be.
I'm just aiming for a sense of stability & consistency.
But at least, maybe, just try to help if you can?
If it weren't for the good people in my life in recent months & over the years, I don't think I would have ever come so far as to feel like it's okay to ask for help.
So please. Help.
I will be accepting any and all donations. Big or small. Where these donations will each go a long way for helping me get my life together.
If you can't personally donate, please help spread awareness with your friends, or even give this a share on social media. Sharing this out would mean so much to me.
My life goal is to one day gain enough traction to help others in similar positions. And I would want nothing more than to do just that when I find myself in a better place.
Thank you for taking the time out to read this.
It means more to me than you might know.
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