The Bald Eagles, of the Cardinal Road Hockey League, are initiating this gofundme to raise funds for our beloved tendy, Betweeny Greeny, who tragically laid to rest his Bauer paddle last evening.

Fresh off a shutout, a heroic performance that received absolutely zero recognition in any weekly recap email, Greeny entered the rink with a bully of of turkey and heart full of hope. Unfortunately, Greeny's gastrointestinal stability was no match for being force-fed an evening's worth of Nacho Cheese Doritos, courtesy of Matt Dorito Lorito, who retired from professional hockey roughly 8 minutes prior to puck drop.

True to Baldies tradition, the Eagles offered little support to Greeny, defensive, offensive, emotional, moral or otherwise. Sadly, Betweeny's innocent Bauer bore the brunt of the consequences after Greeny snapped it across the crossbar like a stale breadstick at Olive Garden. So while the Bauer rests in peace, allow the Baldies to rise up and support our beloved Greeny with a fresh piece of lumber that may lead the Baldies to the promise land.

Act now. Support Sticks for Greeny. And show mens leagues across the country that when teammates let their goalie down, they can unite and equip their tendies with a fresh twig that will undoubtedly face similar abuse when encountering Riley Nashty Nash.