Rally for Frogi: Six Jobs, Still Struggling

It’s my birthday, well… Sunday the 8th and I’m not sure how else to express it but admit I need help. I’m entering 36 depressed and in a hole. Survival mode & one emergency after another have kept me digging out this same hole. Fixing to be late on rent on Monday (which means a $200 late fee on top of everything else), facing a potential move I was not expecting, still dealing with residual medical issues with no insurance, debillitating eye infections over the last 5 weeks, mental health stuff, working every day, and feeling guilty when I’m not working.

The solutions I can find in my price range mean I am spending more money over time, I’m hustling 6 jobs and in my down time, I’m still working. I have so many moving parts, almost none of which depend on me, just waiting and grinding.

This week was really the first time since around 4/15 I’ve been able to work the way I used to because of the issues with my eyes. I’m doing everything I know to get right, get my business back on track, and get to a place where I can have a more functional life. In the years leading into my accident (which I am still having medical and mental health complications from), I honored my community commitments before taking care of myself - I think that’s an important thing to do - when you are able. During this, I've still tried to throw races, show up for my cycling community, and support our unhoused neighbors as much as I can (the last race we were able to distro 16 hygiene kits we assembled!).

“It gets better or you die” has been my go-to for years. It's important to me to acknowledge I've had support from friends and family over the past two years, but every time I get “sorted out,” it just addresses the emergency situation, which doesn’t really do much to give me space to improve.

The hole has been deep, and I keep getting to a point where I'm almost out, just as the next emergency hits and throws dirt on top of me. This has led to a spiraling and isolating depression over the past couple years, which is hard for me to be open about. I’m doing better, and inching closer daily to being able to make some real changes, but I have to break this survival mode cycle to have capacity to get back to being that community-organizing, big-laughing Frogi yall know and would really truly appreciate community support if you are able.