I have been in Tucson for the past 7 weeks and have been helping my mother, Fravarti. Along with being prone to pneumonia and aneurisms she is a cancer survivor, a 100% adrenal failure survivor and a childhood physical and sexual abuse survivor. Any one of those can be traumatic but all of those together makes for great challenges. At this time, she is once again working to survive. Three years ago, she was in a hit and run accident with an 18-wheeler on the freeway at 70 miles an hour and walked away. I am eternally grateful to the angels that saw her through that day. Her body didn’t show much damage at the time although her car was completely totaled, and the rescuers said that they had never seen anyone get out unscathed from an accident like hers. Through their exam at the scene they found nothing evidently wrong with her. They told her to expect some pain over the next few weeks as her body got over the shock of the impact and worked toward recovery. Without medical insurance she did not get xrays or scans done. Today she is still in constant pain. The damage to her face, neck and head from the impact of the air bag is much more consistent and extreme then I would have imagined. Looking at her you would never know the pain she is in. Just like those who suffer from auto immune diseases her issues are not readily visible. Thus making others understand her struggle has been difficult. Since there was no one to make a claim against at the time of the accident there was no money to pay for doctors, body workers, etc. Her auto insurance company didn’t seem to think that there was a need for care since she walked away. Her car wasn’t worth anything so she was left with nothing other than non-stop pain and PTSD. It took her nearly a year to feel comfortable driving at all or even owning a vehicle. Today I am doing everything I can to keep her from driving. If she were to have an aneurism while driving it could cost her life or someone else’s if she was unable to control the vehicle.
Last fall she was suffering from a DVT, deep vein thrombosis, and was unable to walk even around her own house. She fell several times and I was worried that she would suffer greater damage such as broken bones. I found it difficult to help from 1500 miles away. We found someone who volunteered their time to go grocery shopping for her and prepare a few meals but it was difficult to get a fully functioning system in place for her with no income for her to pay for other’s services. Even now my mother still has trouble walking and may limp or lose her balance at any given time.
At this time my mother has not been able to be fully independent for three years. She works when she can but that has become more and more limited and her ability to earn money has been stifled. We are currently working with a publisher to get two of her titles published but the task has been arduous. Unbeknownst to us as we signed on to use them, the publisher she used for her previous title has now moved their operations to the Philippines and the language barrier to get a book published in English has been interesting to say the least.
It is now my intention that I will be moving back to Tucson by the middle of April. My move here was not planned but the universe is providing a landing that seems promising. I have been offered a house to live in for the cost of the utilities and maintaining the house. I have the possibility of a job and several projects that I am lining up here that will keep me satisfied with my move. I just have to get to Tucson.
The intention now is to have the ability to be near at hand to offer assistance as needed to my mother. Sometimes that is daily and other times not for a couple of days. Sometimes that means that I cook meals, go grocery shopping, do general house cleaning & laundry, do body work on her to try to offer some little relief from the pain, answer her phone and correspondence, etc. Her ability to leave the house currently is in limited amounts of time. If we can return within an hour’s time frame she can sometimes go out with me. After that she may be homebound for a few days. We try to manage her energy output but as you know when it is you, there are times when you are feeling up and think you can do more than you can. We then deal with the crash and recovery. It is my hope that with me nearby there will be less of those.
I believe that my move will provide my mother a better quality of life. As well as myself since watching from a distance has been hard on my own levels of anxiety.
Due to my planned travels to the East coast for loved ones weddings and my time here I have not worked much in the past few months. Since it was not my intention to work so little and I have continued to pay my own bills my coffers are now empty. I am retuning to Portland this week, March 21st. I am house and dog sitting during spring break which will give me a place to stay as I prepare to move. Oddly enough my packing is 98% done as I was already planning on a new living space once I returned from my travels. Another blessing to not have to waste time on going through everything as I feel called to come back to Tucson sooner rather than later. Once I have the necessary funds I will be loading up a truck with my possessions and driving to Tucson for all of these new endeavors.
If you know my mother or myself and feel called to help us change her life as well as mine I would really appreciate your assistance in any way you would like to offer it. I have set this campaign up to take in funds but if you would like to offer to run errands, do body work, bring meals, etc. while I am preparing to move please reach out and let me know. All forms of support, including emotional, are welcome!
As much as this was an easy decision to make, it is hard to give up my life in Portland. I have been there for 8 years and loved every minute of it. I will make the most out of this opportunity as I move and use my experience and knowledge to create a new more beautiful life in Tucson as I return to serve my mother and the community here.
- Dave Burleigh
- Dawn Graf-Thiessen
- Julie Jackson
- Michael Murphy
#1 fundraising platform
More people start fundraisers on GoFundMe than on any other platform. Learn more
In the rare case something isn’t right, we will work with you to determine if misuse occurred. Learn more
Expert advice, 24/7
Contact us with your questions and we’ll answer, day or night. Learn more