Hi, my name is Carrie Daukas, and I am fundraising on behalf of my friend who is escaping an abusive marriage and needs financial help to do so.
My friend has been married for almost 20 years to a man who has consistently abused her and her children in every way imaginable. He has so emotionally beaten her down that she believed everything was her fault. His "discipline" of their children was physical abuse, and psychological torture. He beat his children and convinced them they are worthless. He used his words to twist and confuse and convince his wife that she is to blame for everything wrong in their marriage.
Finally, she began to realize this year that what he has been doing to his family is abuse. When her oldest child began expressing suicidal thoughts, she made the right and courageous choice to leave her abusive husband, after years of begging him to change, and years of him refusing to change, but rather claiming that his words and behavior are "biblical."
Leaving a marriage and starting a new life when you have spent the last decade as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom is incredibly overwhelming and expensive. To make matters worse, the community that should be a support system to our modern-day "widows and orphans" (James 1:27) have further shamed her and turned their backs on her. She has nowhere to turn within the church community she spent her entire life serving. They bring you a casserole when you have a new baby, or when someone has died, but not when you leave your abuser. There are no Meal Train's set up for abused wives seeking a divorce. She has no one to watch her kids while she looks for a job, no benevolence fund to help cover life-saving therapy for her and her children, no offering plate being passed around to help her finance her steep attorney fees. She has only been offered "counseling" that has tried to convince her to stay within a relationship that is literally killing her and her children. She has been bullied, confronted, shamed, condemned, and told that she is the one hurting her children by protecting them from their abuser.
When I asked my friend how much she actually needs, I had to convince her to give me the honest number, and not low-ball it. I had to convince her to be honest about how expensive this is, because she is a hard worker who never asks for anything from others, but rather prefers to give generously to others. Yet she is in the impossible scenario that many women find themselves in: in order to protect their children from an abuser, they must somehow come up with tens of thousands of dollars, when they have spent most of their marriages financially dependent on their abuser. Their abusers know this, and assume they can keep their families captive, since the abuser is the usually the breadwinner.
It takes so much strength and courage to leave an abusive marriage, and money should not be an obstacle to one's safety, but unfortunately, it is.
So I am asking you to come alongside my friend and help make her safety and the safety of her children possible. I know $25K is a lot to ask for, but this is the very real cost she is facing. If all you contribute is five dollars, that is five dollars that she does not have to worry about.
Every penny contributed to this GoFundMe will be directed into her personal bank account. This means she can start using this money to get the help she needs immediately. This is where your money is going:
-Attorney fees (estimated at $10-12K, probably more)
-Trauma therapy ($280-$420 per week, not covered by her insurance)
-Incurring half of her husband's debts (approx. $15K)
-Buying out his share of their family home so she doesn't have to uproot her children during this already turbulent time (up to $50K)
-Career development and training program ($850 per month for certification program)
Please, please give any amount that you are able.
Also, please share this on your own social media. The more people who contribute, the better. The more people who see this, and only give a small amount, will add up quickly.
Last but certainly not least, please pray for my friend and her children. This is such a devastating loss on so many levels. Every moment of this process has been traumatic for all of them. There is so much grief and sorrow and confusion and disappointment and betrayal for them all. Pray that they would experience comfort and hope and even joy as they walk this out. Pray that they would heal from years of spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical torment. Pray that God would restore them and heal what the abuse has broken.
Thank you so much for reading this and contributing by giving financially, sharing with your friends, and praying.