One last goodbye.

If you know me, you’ll know I really hate asking for help. I hate everything about this, but I don’t know what else to do.  It’s my last option.  

My Papa, (Grandpa) was given two weeks to two months life expectancy at the beginning of November.  He is 86 years old, he’ll be 87 January 16.  He’s had heart problems since 1982.  He had a triple bypass, barely over 1 month after I lost my other Grandfather.  He’s a fighter, but he’s so tired.  His body has had enough.  His kidneys are failing, but what they need to do to get his kidneys going, will cause heart failure. Dialysis is not an option for him.  So we can’t do anything.  He’s ready to go, but I’m not ready to let go.  

Since moving to LA, almost 11 years ago, I have been able to see him twice.  He is my person.  He has always been my soft place.  Not what most expect to hear of a former Maine turned minister.  Lol.  He’s my teddy bear.  He’s been my biggest supporter from childhood.  He guided me and consoled me.  I cannot put in to words how much this man means to me, because there aren’t any.  I will be devastated when the inevitable happens.  I need to let go, but I just don’t know how.  I’m hoping this can get me to a place that I can say what I need to say and both of us can be at peace.  

He is now home from the nursing home, and hospice has been called in. This will be his last Christmas. This will be my last chance to see him. I know this.  We’ve had close calls before, but in my heart, I felt he would pull through.  I just knew.  This time it’s different.  I know in my heart that this is it.  

I cannot afford to go back home for Christmas. A friend of mine suggested I do a go fund me page to try and raise money.  Another option to lessen the amount is if someone has frequent flyer miles they can use on me.  I had someone willing to do that, but Delta won’t let her transfer them to me on a brand new frequent flyer account, and won’t let her purchase it for anyone but herself from her account.  Anyone have any other options?
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Christina LaMonte 
Los Angeles, CA
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