Medical Treatments.

I will try to keep this brief and let the video explain. I have spent the majority of the past two years doing more dying than living. My Last Will and Testament is written, I’ve chosen names of people I love to take my cherished belongings onward. Most would never know how sick I am because as soon as I see a human I smile and am kind. I don’t go into my suffering, I wouldn’t even know how to. Everyday is survival mode. Always wearing a rosy glow on my face as I spend hours upon hours upon hours detoxing, treating and fighting for relief all day, all night and all through the night. This monster in me never sleeps, nor do I. I have felt left on a hamster wheel, with disease on my heels, knowing if I stop doing what I do daily, I’ll die. I often whisper to death “not yet” but still it stays close. I refuse to go back to bed and waste away. That is an even slower more grueling death and I’ll be dammed if I go out like that. My disease is not your burden to bear. I could never do that to you. There is desperation in my heart in my spirit in my mind to live but there is zero percent pressure on you to help make that possible. I just know what will happen if I don’t ask at all. I have battled Lyme now for decades. It grew up with me, within me. The lows are deadly and the highs are distant memories I can no longer remember. I have been blessed with phenomenal Lyme doctors, the best there is. My family has exhausted their savings to save my life. Treating this disease is endless and I’m not even sure I am worth saving. If any one has peace and the ability to give, it will go to a number of different infusions and treatments that insurance will not cover that I am in great great need of. But if not a penny comes my way I will still know I lived life abundantly loved. Life is a gift. One day, death will be as well. I’m just not ready, I want to fight, to smile and be kind and if I’m extraordinarily lucky, sing again.

Love, Alisa