Please help me bury my son.

Joshua James Dymek

12/18/2006 - 6/18/2025

I wrote this the night he passed

I miss him.

He was brilliant

Absolutely brilliant.

He taught himself many languages and could speak some fluently.

He had a girlfriend in Japan. She was a foreign exchange student years ago. They spoke japanese because he spoke it better than she spoke english. He was going to move to Japan. But they broke up. I know he wouldn't want to blame her.

He was beautiful.

Really beautiful. 6'3 grey blue eyes and long blond hair. Girls loved him. He told me they did. Last night he told me when he went out all the girls were flirting with him and that he should be grateful but it doesn't help. Everyone is nice and it doesn't make sense to feel this way. All of his friends are really, really nice to him and treat him well.

He hated having his picture taken. I wish i had more.

There was something deeply deeply wrong

And he tried really hard to not let it affect anyone around him.

He seldom raised his voice

When he got mad, and nobody, not even he knew why or where it was coming from but when he got upset last night he took off running. Barefoot. As fast as he could and as far as he could until he collapsed. I tried to make things better. I looked for help. Tried to get him involved in things, to help him make plans for his future, to get him to sit with me in the living room and talk and watch tv. To make him waffles with ice cream. He had lost his appetite and wouldn't hardly eat some days. I enlisted his help with the grocery shopping. I bought him everything he wanted to eat. There was no enjoyment in eating he said so he wanted healthy stuff that was easy to eat. Fruit, yogurt, but he also liked to read the ingredients and was starting to think everything was toxic. He came out and ate some waffles today that I made for everyone but he was the one I really made them for.

I served him first. He took a shower. No matter how he was feeling he always had good hygiene. He called an Uber. He went to the beach where a few days ago he had partied with his friends til the early morning hours. He went to the pool on the roof of the Hyatt. And he jumped off. He couldn't do it anymore. He was 18 and he was my son.