Please help us lay our parents to rest together

Our beloved parents, Jerry and Kathy, both passed away within one week of each other. 6 days apart, nearly down to the minute, to be exact. Unfortunately, neither had life insurance or burial plans in place, and we do not have the funds available, nor a way to come up with them. Their status as Medicaid recipients in recent months unfortunately means that the state of Ohio will be taking all that they had of value, which truthfully, isn’t much. They lived a good, but simple life. So we humbly post this today asking for anyone who can to please help us with these insurmountable costs. We would never do this if it weren’t absolutely necessary.

Jerry, my “Bonus Dad,” always treated me as one of his own children, and he loved his grandchildren with all his heart. In his younger years, he served in the Army, and was stationed in Korea. He went to Seminary school, as well as New Mexico State University and The University of New Mexico, and he earned two Masters degrees. For many, many years, he worked as a pastor. He truly loved the Lord and loved bringing people to Him. He was the one who baptized me when I was 9, and he proudly officiated at the weddings of all his children who married. In later years, he was an adjunct communications professor at a local college, where he would often bring in his grandson, that he called “EJ,” to show him off. He accepted and loved everyone as they were, without judgement, and he always had time for a chat with anyone, or to offer a well-thought-out word of advice.

On the morning of Christmas Eve, 2022, I got a phone call from the hospital saying he had what the doctors called a ‘cardiac event’ and his heart had stopped. They did manage to resuscitate him, but sadly, he never regained consciousness. He’d fought a very long battle with Lewy Body Dementia before this, and the damage to his brain from that, and then having his heart stop for nearly a minute, was just too much to overcome. After holding on past the holidays, and his 82nd birthday on New Years Eve, he passed away peacefully on January 2nd, 2023. He’d always said he was ready to meet Jesus when his time came.

Our mother, Kathy, served as the Vice President of the PTA at our elementary school when we were young, and she worked as a teacher’s aide in that same school, always loving to be around kids. She was also my Girl Scout Brownies troop leader. Her beautifully hand-decorated cakes were famous in our hometown, and she often had people requesting she make and decorate a cake for their loved-ones special occasions. She taught me nearly everything I know about cake decorating. In subsequent years, she worked as a secretary at our church, an intake-specialist at a mental healthcare facility, and as a customer service representative for the unemployment office for the state of Ohio. She retired early, from that job that she loved, to care for Jerry full-time as he struggled with the effects of Lewy Body Dementia. She always loved helping people, and cooking for them. For the vast majority of her life, she always put everyone else first. She always put her faith in God, and held Jesus close as her savior.

Mom had been battling non-small cell lung cancer for nearly a year. She was diagnosed in January 2022, and started chemo and radiation treatments right away, bound and determined that she would beat it! The first chemo treatment caused quite a severe reaction within minutes and she was rushed to the ER. Yet she toughed it out and tried it again a week later, as she never was a quitter. A reaction happened again during the second attempt at infusion, so she was unable to continue with the Taxol, and her doctor chose to continue her treatments with a different chemo medicine. A few months later, after having double-vision for a while, they found a tumor in the back, lower part of her skull. She again started radiation immediately. This time the dosage of radiation was larger, and although it made her even more tired, and the tumor itself had put pressure on cranial nerves, causing a cranial nerve 6 palsy which made her right eye turn inward, she fought on. PET-scans and MRIs showed the tumors had all shrunk quite a bit! We were all extremely hopeful, and Mom moved on to the next suggested treatment: immunotherapy. She had just one immunotherapy infusion on August 2nd, 2022, which also happened to be their 25th wedding anniversary. True to who she always was, always caring and worrying about other people, she didn’t tell him she was battling cancer until about 10 months into it all, because she didn’t want to worry him. Unfortunately, she was one of a very small percentage of lung cancer patients who had a very serious reaction to the immunotherapy. The doctors called it Keytruda-induced pneumonitis, which is severe inflammation of lung tissues. She spent over 50 days in the hospital, many of those days intubated and fighting for her life. This immunotherapy reaction has just a 50% survival rate, and she fought with all her might. She slowly but surely got better enough to leave the hospital, although all that time spent in a hospital bed, and on steroids to strengthen her lungs, wreaked havoc on her physical strength. She still continued to fight on, fighting for the right to do physical therapy in a rehabilitation facility so she could regain her strength to walk again. Sadly, she didn’t make that goal, though it wasn’t for not trying. On December 21st, she was taken to the ER because she had hardly been eating or drinking, yet she still wanted to do everything she possibly could to get better. She had a UTI and the flu. Within days, confusion had set in, but she still was concerned for other people, telling me she still needed to get her beloved grandchildren Christmas presents. I told her that wasn’t necessary, that she just needed to focus on getting better, but she instructed me on what to get them from “Nana and UhUh.” She remained strong, and stubborn, all the way to the end, when on January 8th, she finally allowed herself to rest.

It is absolutely, devastatingly heartbreaking for our family to lose these beloved people so close together, and it is also heartbreaking that we do not have the means to give them the proper send off that they deserve. Mom always wanted to be buried near her mother and father, and although we have had to choose cremation due to costs, we would absolutely love being able to grant this wish for her.

We’ve made very modest arrangements, with the funeral home helping to keep costs as low as possible, and the local Veteran’s service center offering $750 towards Jerry’s arrangements since he does not qualify for Veterans burial benefits. All told, the costs will be nearly $5,000, and that doesn’t even include the headstone/memorial marker. All proceeds of this GoFundMe will be used for burial expenses and headstone placement.