Hashem gave him a second chance at life now we can too

Like many of us, we all have obstacles that are placed in our path, cleverly disguised as catastrophes. For 27 years I dealt with all sorts of struggles but nothing compared to this:

Until 2020 I wasn’t connected to G-d.

Everything I had gone through in my life was leading me to a point of doing teshuva and coming back to Hashem.

In 2021 I was introduced to rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s teachings and they saved me from the darkest places.

I fell in love with learning and had the privilege of going to Aish HaTorah for one year!

Yeshiva was great, but was mostly elementary learning as I couldn’t even read Alef Beit at the time.

I came back to the states in 2022 and continued to succeed, fail, succeed, and fail and continue to work on myself and learning to love living a Jewish life.

I have kept kosher almost 4 years now.

I have sacrificed so much of my self to get closer to Hashem.

As things were starting to look brighter, I was diagnosed with degenerative discs in my neck and lower back.

I couldn’t put tefillin on, I couldn’t shower my self or wake up in the morning without excruciating pain.

I had to learn how to walk again, and how to sit properly.

This was by far the most painful agony I have ever experienced.

I had to regain my strength physically with months of physical therapy.

I wasn’t sure how I would get through this with so much pain in my body.

My rabbi said to me, “no matter what, as long as you have Hashem in your life, you will be okay.”

I clung to those words and glued my self to Hashem. I did proper teshuva.

I always remember learning that everything Hashem does is only for the good.

WHYYYY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?was my intial instinct.

Through consistent tefillah and communication with Hashem I started to ask “how can my diagnose of degenerative discs be good for me?”

Ultimately a lifestyle change was critical. Only with Hashem’s help was He able to do for me what I couldn’t do for myself.

My eating habits changed to provide healthy nutrition to my body, which helped with my mood and mental state. This gave me hope and simcha, which lead to more spirituality and connection to Hashem.

B”H have been in the gym every day for 5 months, for the first time in 29 years. I have lost almost 100 pounds and I’m in the best shape of my life.

I say this because what can seem inherently bad, like a situation that feels like it’s never ending, or when you feel your world is ending… is only for the good.

Now that the pain has subsided to slight discomfort, today it is bearable. Probably something I will experience the rest of my life, but as long as I have Hashem I’ll be okay.

One month ago, I spent a shabbos in Pamona/Moncie NY and I had the privilege of praying with all different chassidim, Satmer, Belz, Breslov, Chabbad you name it! It was enlightening on the deepest level. The prayers, the songs, the delightful worlds of Torah, gematria and deep levels of the Holy Zohar were flowing through my soul.

In that moment I realized what has been lacking from my life. The one thing that saved me from all the darkness before I found Judaism. Chassidus. There was a fire lit under my soul. I knew I needed more.

Immediately I reached out to my rabbi in Israel, Rabbi David Yisrael Kalmus, who just opened the only English speaking Breslov Yeshiva in existence today. I told him I have no idea how I’m going to get to yeshiva in Israel, I just know that I need to be closer to you, and I have no clue how I’m getting to Uman but this is the year, this is the first time that I need to be with rebbe Nachman!

I’m the only religious person in my family. And my family doesn’t understand my decision to want to go and study breslov chassidut, they don’t understand why I want to go to yeshiva or Uman..

Hashem has placed many challenges in my life, but this one is a test of real Emunah and bitachon.

With Rosh HaShana around the corner, it would be a true miracle if I was able to arrive to the yeshiva by September 22 in Harnoff Israel and go on a trip together with the yeshiva to Uman.

I alone am not capable. But together we can bring Moshiach.