Please help my sister say goodbye to our Mum.

Hand on heart, it hurts to write this for many reasons. But I think the biggest reason is that it acknowledges that the end we’ve tried to distance ourselves from is near.

I am generally not one to ask for help. But Covid has meant that my sister Kimberly is separated from our dying Mum. My sister lives in The Ponds, NSW, and is in lockdown like the rest of NSW. She has applied for an exemption so that she, her husband, and two children can say goodbye. However, to do so, she has to complete her two weeks quarantine in a hotel. The cost of quarantine is $5100 for her family of four. An amount like this is not something that most people have to spare; add in Covid, and Mum’s diagnosis and the stress on her young family is crushing. I have tried to source local accommodation, but the requirement is hotel quarantine.

Our Mum is currently admitted under the Palliative Care team in Robina, QLD. On Monday the 16th of August, the doctors advised that Mum’s prognosis had been measured in weeks to short months.

I know we are not alone. So many people in the world face a circumstance where they are separated from loved ones, having to say goodbye via screens on their phones. But, I told my sister that I would do anything to get her here, to say goodbye to our Mum. They both deserve that.

And so here I am asking for help.

My sister, Kimberly and I grew up with our parents in the Hills District, NSW. Our Mum, Arlene, is beautiful. She has an infectious laugh, the softest hands, and the most beautiful eyes. She is creative, and we swear she lives solely for her five grandchildren, quietly spoiling them despite our protests. They love her more than she will ever know. And to watch their hearts break as they try to process all that is happening is painful.

In late 2017, my Mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer. It hit us hard, all of us. But no one more so than her. It was advanced, so they needed to move quickly. Determine to beat it; Mum went through two significant bowel surgeries. We got the ok and thought it would be a nasty blip destined to be left in the past.

At the beginning of 2018, Mum, I, and my husband and three children moved to the Gold Coast. Mum for a bright new beginning post-cancer, and us for a sea change. Sadly it was not meant to be. In Mid 2018 Mum was diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer. It broke our hearts, but she was ready to fight again, and boy did she fight. She endured numerous rounds of chemotherapy. Her first round saw her have a severe anaphylactic reaction, but she didn’t give up. Doctors found her a new drug based on compassionate grounds. In between her rounds of chemo, she had major surgery, had a complete hysterectomy, her spleen removed, and part of her abdomen and bowel. This placed her in intensive care, weak and frail. But she didn’t give up. She continued to fight with more chemo. Fast forward to 2020, she was still fighting with rounds of chemo, but this time with another diagnosis, stomach cancer.

Mum has battled cancer relentlessly since 2017, but this year has brought a spread, and she is deteriorating fast. She can no longer walk unaided and requires 24-hour care. In addition, a complete bowel obstruction means that she can no longer eat anything other than fluid.

I spend time with my Mum every day, and of late, I can see that her body is getting tired. She falls asleep mid-conversation. I know she is ready; she has told me so. As a loved one, this is hard to hear, you want to be selfish and say keeping fighting, but at the same time, you don’t want to see her in pain. Mum has fought hard, harder than she should have had to. My heart honestly believes that she is holding on to say goodbye to my sister, her Lily.

Please help me, but only if you can. I know Covid is making it hard for us all. But no donation is too small. I need my sister, and so does my Mum, to move on peacefully. And truth be told, I don’t want to bury my Mum on my own. I don’t think my heart can handle it.

Love Melissa x